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AIBU to be astounded a 20 year old friend is having IVF?

(84 Posts)
Billygean Wed 06-Jul-11 17:47:12

Hi all

First ever thread!

I'm 26, but in my SO's 'group' there is a girl of 20 who's married my SO's friend who's about 27. They got married when she was 18. Generally they're quite a difficult couple, they argue a lot in public, put passive-aggressive updates on facebook etc and we don't have too much to do with them within the group. Neither has a very good job (they're both quite unhappy work wise, that much is clear), neither drive, no money, etc.

Anyway they have been trying to have children since they got married and apparently he has a low sperm count. AFAIK they haven't addressed other factors (stress, diet, alcohol etc) first.

I know I should just think "each to their own" and so on, but I'm astounded that they're choosing to have their only NHS go on IVF now! I just think she's only (just) 20, and they have so much TIME.


StayFrosty Wed 06-Jul-11 17:48:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo Wed 06-Jul-11 17:49:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allosaurusrex Wed 06-Jul-11 17:50:07

Yes, YABU. Might not be the best choice for them but it's their choice to make and as far as I'm concerned the age makes no difference. People make crap choices and have crap relationships at all ages. They have to make their own mistakes. And it could be that it works out really well for them. Just forget it.

Imnotaslimjim Wed 06-Jul-11 17:50:48

Yes, I think YABU, if she wants to start her family now, that is her choice. Me and DH argue, but we could never be apart and are happy together. and even if they are unhappy in their jobs, at least they have one and aren't "scrounging off the state"

Maybe addressing "other factors" won't make a difference to his sperm count. They wouldn't just be offered IVF on NHS without a valid reason

Shakirasma Wed 06-Jul-11 17:51:14

YABU it is a very personal choice when to have a baby. They are married and it is no one elses business.

You seem very fixated on her age,but he is 27 and that is a prime time to become a father.

Billygean Wed 06-Jul-11 17:51:22

I understand completely - of course it's really none of my business and I certainly wouldn't ever say this to them. I just wanted to discuss the notion of having it at such a young age.

Birdsgottafly Wed 06-Jul-11 17:51:49

They don't have time, the younger you are the better the chance of fertility treatment working.

My DD is 15 and does not ovulate, she will need IVF to concieve, most people have to wait because they don't know they have fertility problems.

The stuff you listed; to be able to drive etc, isn't relevent.

5inthebed Wed 06-Jul-11 17:51:58


I was having fertility tests at 20 and started fertility treatment when I was 21.

Some people do want their DC young you know, there isn't a written rule to say what age. You can have IVF at 16 if that is what you wanted.

BitOfFun Wed 06-Jul-11 17:52:34

They sound like complete idiots to me.

DooinMeCleanin Wed 06-Jul-11 17:52:54

What's SO's?

YABU. Would rather them go through the heartbreak of trying and failing to concieve for 10+ years before IVF?

Birdsgottafly Wed 06-Jul-11 17:53:24

It is often a roller coaster for many years, as you will know if you are a regular, so they have chance to take a break when needed.

HeadfirstForHalos Wed 06-Jul-11 17:53:36

It's their choice. We chose to try for our first baby when I was 21, that's no different really we just didn't need help luckily. Maybe they want to start ivf now while she is younger as it can take a long time to conceive?

Shakirasma Wed 06-Jul-11 17:53:37

and anyway, i conveived my DD1 when I was 20. Whats wrong with that?

MadYoungCatLady Wed 06-Jul-11 17:53:39

Are you one of those who keeps a list under their bed with reasons as to why people should not be allowed children?

I know its your first post but YABveryU!

DaisyDaresYOU Wed 06-Jul-11 17:54:06

I had my ds at 20.So yes yabu.He was longed for aswell

Hulababy Wed 06-Jul-11 17:54:29

I think so might be significant other - ie DP?

DooinMeCleanin Wed 06-Jul-11 17:55:19

Ah, that would make sense, Hula [duh!] grin

PaleHandsILoved Wed 06-Jul-11 17:55:37


MilkNoSugarPlease Wed 06-Jul-11 17:56:26

I'm only 23 (just) and cannot conceive naturally....frankly, if I could, I would have IVF now....but am single so not really an option


Birdsgottafly Wed 06-Jul-11 17:56:31

What age do you think that they should start?

Do you think they should wait and miss their chance?

skybluepearl Wed 06-Jul-11 17:57:16

Infertility is very frustrating, depressing and upsetting at what ever age. A much wanted baby is a much wanted baby at 40 or 20. Its actually better they try to concieve now with age on their side.

Hulababy Wed 06-Jul-11 17:57:35

Sounds like they have been ttc for over a year, and have then has all the necessary tests and investigations. To go with IVF on NHS they'll have had to go through all this, plus will have had advice and infomartion a plenty. It is not a quick pocess ime and takes a good while - so we are probably now looking at TTC for 18-24m with no success.

If they are wanting a baby and been ttc for so long I assume they are pretty serious about it. It does have a higher success rate the younger you are too.

Being unable to get pregnant when you are TTC for so long can be really stressful and a huge strain, and it can become all encompassing. So, they probably can't face having even longer to wait before they try IVF, esp if statistics suggest if it is going o work they have a higher chance now.

What age would you consider suitable for IVF?

eurochick Wed 06-Jul-11 17:58:00

Having seen close friends go through IVF, I wouldn't want to do it unless I had tried every other option first. It is tough. I had no desire for kids in my 20s but if I had, I think I would just have kept "bashing away" (fnar), adjusting lifestyle factors, etc. I am ttc (unsuccessfully so far) at 35 and am getting to the point where I think I am going to have to accept intervention. But if I had the luxury of time, I would very much prefer to let it happen naturally (eventually), because for most people it will. But I recognise everyone is different.

CurrySpice Wed 06-Jul-11 17:58:37

Unless you have full access to their medical records, I would say YABVU to comment

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