To think it is weird/ controlling to make your children ask for food?

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is not a thread about a thread, but rather inspired by comments made on a couple of threads over the last few weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't have children yet.

Recently, I have seen a bunch of people saying things like, 'My children don't snack between meals' or 'In my house, children don't take food, they have to ask first'. (The latter comment was about a 13yo.)

Maybe because I am not a mum yet, but I find this hugely draconian and controlling. I don't mean young children: obviously a 4yo is going to eat all the chocolate buttons she can get her grubby mitts on. And I don't mean letting DCs eat whatever they want, whenever. But I have seen people saying that kids of 11-12-13-14 have to ask before getting a snack - I am at this.

When I was 10+ yo, I'd just get a snack if I wanted one. If I started eating lots of crisps/ cake, my mum would've told me no - but the idea that you have to go and beg permission before grabbing a piece of toast or some raisins is just weird and really icky to me!

AIBU?

[fernier]

I only have younger children but when I was an older child teenager I didnt have to ask. Mind, I was also very overweight

[Lizcat]

If you don't make them ask they will swarm through your fridge and cupboards like locusts and eat an entire weeks worth of food in an afternoon.

[reikizen]

agree with Lizcat, also they will make a bloody mess and not tidy it up!

[AgentZigzag]

Icky??

My 10 YO DD asks me before she has something in between her meals, if I think she's had enough crisps and crap that day I'll say no.

Yeah, I suppose it is controlling, but then I'm her parent and it's up to me to teach her portion control and balance when she has to choose her own diet.

Plus it's my chocolate

[usualsuspect]

My teenager doesn't have to ask,if hes hungry he gets himself a snack

[CocoPopsAddict]

See your disclaimer!

I don't have teenagers yet, but I've known enough people who have to know that some (most?!) teenagers would eat you out of house and home if you let them.

[AgentZigzag]

Locusts lizcats, good word for what happens

[Mumbrane]

My two are little (under 6) and are only allowed to help themselves to the fruit bowl, otherwise they would be in the fridge taking yogurts or in the biscuit tin every 5 mins. No way would I give young children free reign of the kitchen!

[blondiemermaid]

I have 3 boys and they can help themselves to fruit but have to ask for cookies etc as like the others say they eat like locusts and this way they don't just eat crap

[5Foot5]

I am somewhere between the two here.

My DD is 15 and she helps herself to a snack when she gets home from school or in the holidays when she is at home all day (she would have nothing to eat all day if she didn't!)

However, I think she is pretty clear about what it is OK to help herself to and what she would need to check first. For example any amount of toast, fruit, yoghurts or anything we have explicitly got in for after-school snacks is fine. In the hols I will ask her what type of things she wants for her lunches and then I will get those in and obviously she helps herself to that.

But I would be a bit miffed if I got home and found she had polished off some foodstuff that I had earmarked for one of the evening meals that week e.g. a pack of bacon or something.

[oohjarWhatsit]

yes i do OP

mine have always been brought up to get whatever they want whenever they want it - they know when they are hungry and what they fancy

[3cutedarlings]

YABU not your kids! for all you know they may just snack on shite and then turn their noses up at a good meal, lots of kids of any age would sooner snack than eat a proper meal.

[flipthefrog]

my kids don't ask, i trust them not to eat too much crap. not overly bothered by food though. think some people can get a little antsy over it and it can rub off on kids.

[Thingiebob]

Wait until you have children.

[oohjarWhatsit]

i wouldnt care for anyone "supervising"what i ate, telling me to eat fruit instead of choc, or water instead of wine :)

[LtEveDallas]

Fruit and veg are freely available here, but 'junk' like crisps or chocolate have to be asked for. DD is only 6 but already knows that if she is hungry she should have/ask for a sandwich, if she just wants something to munch then I would prefer she had grapes/strawberries etc. She is allowed junk, but not much. I'm overweight and I don't want her to be like me.

[catgirl1976]

YABU. Children should not be allowed to eat what they want when they want becuase they are children and will not make the best choices. I am not talking about a 17 year old btw but you cannot give a young child free rein to stuff themselves full of junk. You are the parent. Of course they should ask for food. If they are being fed 3 healthy meals a day and are allowed to snack on fruit, wholemeal toast etc then they will not be hungry. Crisps, sweets and biscuits are treats. Not for everyday consumtion.

[msbuggywinkle]

Yes, I think its odd too.

DC (4 and 2) have a snacks shelf in the pantry, fruit, rice and oat cakes and bread. More exciting stuff just goes at the top so they have to really want it to be bothered asking someone to get it, if they're just nibbling they're happy with the fruit. I don't limit sugary stuff (any more) and after an initial binge they eat sweets once/twice a week now.

[AgentZigzag]

Presumably, being an adult, you've already learnt the 'rules' on eating oohjar, things like balance and not overeating just before you're going to eat a meal?

If you don't tell the DC stuff how will they know?

[zelda1982]

My 3 are small, 7, 3 and 1. I let them have a packet of crisps when older dd gets in from school then nothing til tea (at 5) after tea they can have what they want (if they've ate a decent amount of their tea) and within reason ie 10 bikkies is taking the biscuit ;)

[HelloKlitty]

Mine don't ask unless it's something they can't get yet...they also dont "swarm like locusts" I don't have a lot of rubbish available though. I have fruit, "real" yogurt which they mix with honey...I also have crackers, bread, cheese availabloe and sometimes homemade muffins or cakes...mine are fine...they eat their meals fine.

[LtEveDallas]

Oh and we didn't have that rule at first with DSD, but after a visit when her and a friend got through a 6 pack of crisps, a packet of biscuits and a box of cereal in ONE DAY, she now has to abide by the rules too!

[smartyparts]

Mine are allowed to help themselves to fruit but not anything else. And they are supposed to ask for milk as they will drink litres of it and wonder why there's none at breakfast time