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to think that if you're a man who doesn't want children and disapproves of abortion, you should either get sterilised or eschew sex with women?

(31 Posts)
ElephantsAndMiasmas Wed 06-Jul-11 15:40:41

I think it's unfair to get into a sexual relationship with a woman where there is a chance of pregnancy (however remote) if you're going to be opposed to her having an abortion, but also not prepared to be a parent to any resulting child.

AIBU?

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 15:43:15

Nope. With you on that one!

MrsBethel Wed 06-Jul-11 15:44:29

...or use contraception?

lisad123 Wed 06-Jul-11 15:45:18

contraception x3 grin

TrillianAstra Wed 06-Jul-11 15:46:00

Are you saying this because contraception is not 100% effective?

StayFrosty Wed 06-Jul-11 15:46:20

yanbu at all.

LunaticIsOnTheGrass Wed 06-Jul-11 15:47:12

Was going to say contraception as well.

Snuppeline Wed 06-Jul-11 15:47:42

That was a very specific situation! Do you know many such men? I wouldn't think there would be many men who don't want children but who are unwiling to entertain the idea of an abortion. Surely it would be the other way, that they would encourage (or force) the woman to have an abortion?

Both is obviously very wrong and irresponsible.

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 15:48:09

MrsBethel - see Trillian's post grin

AnnieLobeseder Wed 06-Jul-11 15:49:20

Weeeel, I see your point, but even sterilisation isn't 100% effective. Perhaps such a man should make sure that 3 or more methods of contraception are employed?

Yes, he should definitely go out of his way to make sure conception does not take place, though.

MindyMacready Wed 06-Jul-11 15:49:25

Contraception, people can always change their minds!

TrillianAstra Wed 06-Jul-11 15:49:40

If there are women who don't want children and don't approve of abortion shouldn't they also eschew sex or get sterilised? I don't know why the OP is targeting men specifically.

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 15:55:13

Oh yes, it should apply to both sexes.

ihatecbeebies Wed 06-Jul-11 15:56:25

I completely agree with you, YANBU

Omigawd Wed 06-Jul-11 15:57:40

Is this hypothetical?

On the face of it I can see YANBU, but I can imagine situations in ongoing relationships where it becomes far more blurred.

And why stick it to men only?

bubblesincoffee Wed 06-Jul-11 15:59:59

YANBU, but YANBU to target it at men. Women have as much reponsibility and know the situation they could find themselves in if they have sex too.

How about AIBU to think that women should not have sex if they don't want children and would prefer to abort?

thumbwitch Wed 06-Jul-11 16:00:36

Although I kind of agree with the sentiment, I think it would be harder to achieve than you'd like, because the medical profession don't like sterilising people without checking thoroughly that this is what they REALLY REALLY want, unless they've already had children.

I do agree with the "eschewing sex" bit though. Abstinence is the only surefire contraception.

Although I'm a touch confused about why the man's opinion on abortion is that important - if he doesn't want a baby, what has it got to do with him any more? If he is giving up all parental interest, then he shouldn't have a say, IMO.

MrsBethel Wed 06-Jul-11 16:01:09

Well, sterilisation isn't 100% effective.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 06-Jul-11 16:07:56

Agree with you OP.

thumbwitch... presumably because if he decides that he doesn't want the child, the woman has the ultimate say-so and he will be made to contribute to the child, either financially or otherwise. I actually don't think it's right that a woman decides to have a pregnancy without a partner's consent. That doesn't apply to sperm banks, obviously, but it's unfair to the child who will have no chance of a relationship with his/her father.

I think it's very sensible. My youngest brother, who is in his early thirties, doesn't want children and has had a vasectomy.

FloraFox Wed 06-Jul-11 16:08:44

I generally agree but it's too simplistic and, I suspect, very uncommon. If there's no ongoing relationship, who cares what he thinks about abotion? If there is a relationship, how can he not be the parent of the child?

Also, in an ideal world, women should not get pg with a man unless they've sorted out their family life or are willing to raise the child alone. But in an ideal world we should all be slim, eat our veg, save for our pensions and not get drunk.

thumbwitch Wed 06-Jul-11 16:10:32

Lying, I believe you are misunderstanding me. The OP states that the man in her post is against abortion. So if he knocks someone up, he would not want the baby terminated but wouldn't want anything to do with it either. So, if he's absolving himself of all parental responsibility to a child, why does he have the right to say that the woman should go through with the pregnancy?

ElephantsAndMiasmas Wed 06-Jul-11 16:14:27

Sorry just catching up with comments but in answer to a couple of questions, I know a couple of men to whom this applies which is a) why i posted it and b) why I applied it to men only.

I was going to put "AIBU to make a policy decision never to have sex with men who..." but changed my mind. So basically I put men because they are the gender I sleep with!

ElephantsAndMiasmas Wed 06-Jul-11 16:15:07

And yes, because contraception is not 100% effective, as so many on MN have scared me shitless about can confirm.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 06-Jul-11 16:17:52

thumbwitch... Yes I did, sorry. I need to go so Specsavers. blush

ElephantsAndMiasmas Wed 06-Jul-11 16:24:33

thumbwitch - I was thinking in the context of relationships, where it would cause long-term problems/bring an end to the relationship if either the woman aborted, or she went ahead with the pregnancy.

And lots of people are opposed to abortions, for religious or other reasons.

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