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aibu to want to leave my job?

(19 Posts)
trudgingthrough Wed 06-Jul-11 14:04:46

I am unsure of how I'm being treated at work. I work as a receptionist for a doctors surgery and have been there 6 months. I suffer from depression which has recently become a lot worse and I've been feeling suicidal.

Earlier this week a regular patient who has verbally abused staff in the past (me included) starts kicking off at reception, basically saying that I should "go fuck myself" because I won't get him an emergency appointment for some diazepam. (I'd offered him the only slots available but he demands to see only "skinny female doctors", and wants it that second. No staff could calm him so evetually our practise manager came down and after about 30minutes managed to get him to leave, with an appointment later than the one i'd offered him.

Later on that day, when I'm home from work, my manager rings me at home, making me cry in front of my children. She asks why I am upset I told her about the abusive patient, she just says I need to get used to it or I'm in the wrong job. She then says "I've been told you don't like me" which is complete office gossip. Something I feel a a manager shouldn't be bringing up. I explain that I was unhappy about a few comments she'd made about the management of my workload, but she just sort of back peddals and says she hasn't said that, and tried to blame it on various other staff members.

I also said that I thought I'd done well to keep my cool with the abusive steroid-taking patient in the past, and she accused me of antagonising him. She said that she believes that I was going to "because of my breathing".

She then said if she had a problem with me "I'd know about it" she was the "most lovely, approachable person ever" and she "has more to worry about than what I'm doing" .

When I asked to hang up the phone because my children could see me crying she said "no, I'm not done talking".

I'm sorry this is so badly written, I'm trying not to give out any confidential info. I'm just really unsure of how to approach work when I'm back in tomorrow. Am I being over sensitive because I have depression? Or was her behaviour inappropriate?

AlpinePony Wed 06-Jul-11 14:09:04

She has spoken to you and treated you in a horrible and threatening manner so please don't start questioning your sanity on this matter.

'You'd know if I had a problem with you!' Wtf? Grange hill's imelda as I live and breathe.

Sorry I don't have any professional/legal advice for you.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne Wed 06-Jul-11 14:09:14

YANBU! - this is bullying! She should have made time during the working day to discuss this calmly wth you, nans should not in any case have been discussing gossip - out of order.

whackamole Wed 06-Jul-11 14:13:25

Is there anyone else you can talk to about this? My mum is a docs receptionist and I know she reports to both the office manager and the senior doctor.

She is bang out of order for speaking to you like that BTW and I am not surprised you want to leave. Patients have been struck off the list for less than this at my surgery.

If she tries this again, advise her you will speak with her in work hours and not outside. And take a witness in. It is so not on.

trudgingthrough Wed 06-Jul-11 14:21:22

Well the main partner doctor is hugely innapproachable-hangs up if you ring him, called me "an interruption" on the same day this all happened with the practise manager (i'd asked him if a patient on the line could be added to his call list, he was on duty). And the practise manager is the one who seems to have it in for me. I've never felt so completely stuck, if I could afford to I would probably consider quitting but I'm annoyed that I have to. She's made many people cry in the past, one colleague said that she goes into the managers room crying already so she's got what she wants(tears) and lets her out quicker! Thanks for your speedy replies, was really getting confused.

Journey Wed 06-Jul-11 14:42:56

You need to read up on the third party harrassment act 2010. This act protects you against abusive customers. Each time the customer is abusive to you you need to report it. The act only applies if the employer is aware that you have been harrassed on two previous occassions which is why it is important that you inform them. The employer then becomes liable if they don't do anything to protect you.

Your manager's behave is appalling. She is a bully.

trudgingthrough Wed 06-Jul-11 15:12:20

I'm going to look up that act now, I really appreciate this help people. Am dreading work tomorrow..

Tanif Wed 06-Jul-11 15:16:55

Sounds like you're NHS. You should have an HR manager in your area who you can speak to about being bullied. As I recall there was someone to deal with HR for every few surgeries in a particular area and, if she's upset people before, she may already have been issued warnings. Don't suffer in silence. Even if she doesn't like you she has a professional obligation to be at least civil and polite to you.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Wed 06-Jul-11 15:25:23

I'm sorry you are going through this. There are some HR bods on the employment issues section which might be able to help you.

OpusProSerenus Wed 06-Jul-11 15:29:31

I am shocked at this. You should not have to put up with this sort of behaviour from a manager. She should speak to you in work if there are things she wants to discuss - her behaviour is totally inappropriate.

I suggest you write down all your complaints and comments then format them into a logical list (you may find when you write things down the importance of issues varies to when you talk about it). Ask to speak to her at work and if she does not deal with your issues take it to the PCT/NHS HR department. Please do take this further as it is appalling management.

AlpinePony Wed 06-Jul-11 16:14:08

I just wanted to quickly say that your 'home is your castle' and it's where you should feel safe. So, should she phone you at home again, I'd respond with a 'must run, that's the washing machine man at the door'.

trudgingthrough Wed 06-Jul-11 16:42:47

I have written down a list of what happened, just in case I forget details or she disputes what I'm saying, at least then I have it noted!

I am NHS, so I'll be looking into the HR manager for my area. Thanks!

I tried to end the phone conversation last time, but she just wouldn't let me go!! Next time I think I'd have to physically hang up!

purplepidjin Wed 06-Jul-11 16:49:58

Unfortunately you will encounter abusive patients and have to deal with them - to me it sounds like you did that fine for someone with your experience

Your manager however is bang out of order. Contact h r as others have suggested, also union rep if possible

Happylander Wed 06-Jul-11 17:15:57

Union all the way and HR. Totally inappropriate for her to ring you at home. If she had a grievance with you then this should have been done at work and with a witness present that YOU selected. My view is she has called you at home to bully you and say what she pleases to undermine you and make you feel less able to stand up to her. The only right she has to call you and speak to you at home outside working hours is to call you in in an emergency.

You state you have wrote down everything which is good. I would from now on right everything down. Do not have any meetings with her or the Senior Dr without a witness that is on your side. This doesn't have to be someone you work with, if possible record every meeting.

Look for other jobs. I can't abide bullying but unfortunately it is rife in the NHS. I don't know what it is about the caring profession that seems to attract an awful lot of them. Good luck.

Oh and you did surprisingly well with that bloke. I would have called the police. Luckily we have security in A and E to do with idiots like him.

trudgingthrough Wed 06-Jul-11 23:45:15

Just read through the comments again, thanks so much I've taken all this on board and feel like i have a plan of action! Many thanks.

SingingSands Wed 06-Jul-11 23:51:02

What a horrible intimidating woman your manager sounds. I would also be extremely upset by a phone call like this, especially at my home, out of working hours.

You've had some good advice here, good luck with your action plan. Being bullied at work is horrid and should not happen.

HelloKlitty Wed 06-Jul-11 23:59:37

She sounds awful...totally unsuitable for managment. are obviously upset and its mking you mix up the abusive patient with thiswoman and how she treats you...Ibet if you had a decent manager you wouldn't have been so affected by the awfl patient.

I hope you feel better...stress is SO awful. I suffer too and know how it feels.

GotArt Thu 07-Jul-11 00:05:47

All I read was "AIBU to want to leave my job?" Simply, no... grin If you are asking, clearly you 'want to' and therefore should just leave, but find something else first.

GotArt Thu 07-Jul-11 00:06:49

Unless there's no need for you to find something else, then just leave... no sense sticking around in a job that you hate, stresses you out.

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