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to not really want to do a 6-hour round trip this w/e to see newborn niece?

(8 Posts)
OTheHugeManatee Wed 06-Jul-11 12:58:15

DP (soon to be DH)'s brother and SIL have just had a baby. DP is planning to go and visit them this weekend to say hello to the newborn.

I was planning to go to a conference, but didn't manage to get tickets before they sold out. I haven't told DP this yet.

DP and I don't live together, and I tend to spend weeks at my place and weekends at his. IOW we usually spend weekends together so this one would have been unusual. As my plans of changed, I feel like I should tell DP my conference isn't on any more, and go with him to Liverpool (a 3 hour drive minimum) to see the new baby. But I don't really want to. I could really do with a couple of days at home to sleep, do housework and catch up on my studying (I juggle work and part-time study) and life admin.

AIBU to consider keeping quiet and staying at home? I mean, babies are very sweet and everything but won't SIL-to-be just basically be quite knackered and overwhelmed 7 days after the birth? Or am I being a bad, selfish, unfamily-ish person?

I do believe it's generally a Good Thing to make the effort where family is concerned, but am just so effing busy at the moment I could do with a weekend not dashing around the countryside.

OTheHugeManatee Wed 06-Jul-11 12:58:44

have changed, not 'of' changed blush

throckenholt Wed 06-Jul-11 13:00:47

just be honest - you would like to have a weekend to recharge and sort stuff out - and you are sure no-one will mind if you meet your (nearly) neice at another time. Say that SIL will probably be grateful to not have too many visitors at the same time because she will be tired.

Insomnia11 Wed 06-Jul-11 13:01:27

YANBU to be honest and say you don't want to go for the reasons you say above. YABU if you are suggesting lying about the conference being on though. Not a good start before you even get married.

BaronessBomburst Wed 06-Jul-11 13:02:26

Well, I wouldn't have been the slightest bit offended, but it depends on your soon-to-be family. A gift and a card would show that you're thinking of her and she might prefer the gesture than actually being swapped with visitors. And a 6-hr round trip is a bloody long way!

TheOriginalFAB Wed 06-Jul-11 13:07:02

Don't lie about the conference. Tell your DP today that you really need to study and would he like you to get the baby a gift or does he want too? That shows interest but also eaves no room for him saying you have to go.

OTheHugeManatee Wed 06-Jul-11 13:09:25

You're all right. It wouldn't feel right to just keep shtumm. It's just tempting at the moment blush

jeckadeck Wed 06-Jul-11 13:22:25

Totally agree with the consensus. No-one who's just had a baby will mind having one fewer visitor and you have perfectly good reasons for not going. I would just be really honest about it both with SIL to be and DP and make a point of sending a card and (if you can afford it) a present with him when he goes. If you tell the truth the worst thing that will happen is someone will b mildly miffed for a bit. If you lie and get caught out you could create a huge family ding-dong. Not worth it.

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