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Cant see another thread - IVF Lottery.

(46 Posts)
MarioandLuigi Wed 06-Jul-11 10:57:44

here

It leaves a funny taste in my mouth, only because it feels like they are playing on the desperation of infertile parents with no guarantee of success.

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 11:04:38

It's a wee bit distasteful :/

What about adoption instead of IVF? There are many kiddies in need of families.

wickedwitchofwaterloo Wed 06-Jul-11 11:16:17

Really fanjobanjowanjo... Really?!!

MarioandLuigi Wed 06-Jul-11 11:22:06

I dont think its about adoption vs IVF, its just that it can be such an emotional time and if only one person wins its alot more disappointment for people to face.

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 11:26:58

Yes really. What's the issue?

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 11:27:32

(Not being funny btw, genuinely don't understand)

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Wed 06-Jul-11 11:30:05

I'm undecided, I think it would be wrong if IVF 100% worked, but it doesnt. Surely its just giving people who can only afford so many tries/have so many on the NHS an extra possible chance......?

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 11:35:19

Just thought.. I didn't mean an adoption lottery.

The OP mentioned this is something that absolutely desperate would be parents might turn to if they can't get NHS or private IVF, and that's why I mentioned adoption as an option if there's really no other avenue.

MilaMae Wed 06-Jul-11 11:38:15

I think the "what about adoption" thing is awful and I'm fed up with the glib way it's shoved into conversations like this.

1)there aren't many babies to adopt

2)there are severe restrictions so most of us wouldn't be able to adopt anyway

3)most couples wouldn't be suited to the challenges that adoption brings.Many children are quite damaged by the time they are adopted and they need very special people to be able to take on the challenges.What these kids don't need is any old couple whose only qualification is infertility.

I have friends with adopted children and it makes their blood boil when they read comments like this.

I was lucky enough to be able to scrape the money for IVF.I hate to think how agonising a failed lottery bid would be for those who can't afford IVF.Yet another kick in the teeth.

Infertility is horrendous to live with.It has driven people to suicide and completely blighted the lives of others.

MarioandLuigi Wed 06-Jul-11 11:39:39

I agree Massages, but then its just one chance for hundreds of parents and due to the emotional nature of what the prize is, with many would-be parents pinning their hopes on it I think it could cause so much distress for those that didnt win

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 11:43:01

*I think the "what about adoption" thing is awful and I'm fed up with the glib way it's shoved into conversations like this.

1)there aren't many babies to adopt

2)there are severe restrictions so most of us wouldn't be able to adopt anyway

3)most couples wouldn't be suited to the challenges that adoption brings.Many children are quite damaged by the time they are adopted and they need very special people to be able to take on the challenges.What these kids don't need is any old couple whose only qualification is infertility.

I have friends with adopted children and it makes their blood boil when they read comments like this.

I was lucky enough to be able to scrape the money for IVF.I hate to think how agonising a failed lottery bid would be for those who can't afford IVF.Yet another kick in the teeth.

Infertility is horrendous to live with.It has driven people to suicide and completely blighted the lives of others.*

In that case I apologise wholeheartedly for my comment, I wasn't aware I'd stepped into such a minefield! leaves

wickedwitchofwaterloo Wed 06-Jul-11 12:19:14

MilaMae said it way better than I could have done

MarioandLuigi Wed 06-Jul-11 12:45:09

MilaMae - the last part of your post is exacly what I am talking about. I just think the stakes are too high and it really does take over peoples lives.

DuelingFanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 12:49:11

"What about adoption instead of IVF? There are many kiddies in need of families."

yeah, because adoption is so easy, right!

FeelingOld Wed 06-Jul-11 13:44:37

The 'what about adoption' comment could only come from someone who has no idea about what its like to not be able to have children 'naturally'.
I know i felt like a complete failure that i could not do the most natural thing in the world, which in my eyes as a woman was to have a baby. I even told my H to leave me and find someone who could have children, i felt very desperate and low.
Going through fertility treatment (which i would not wish on even my worst enemy) is an emotional rollercoaster, every month waiting to see if the injections etc have worked only to be told it hasnt, again!!
I can see that the 'prize' in this lottery would be the perfect prize for some people (me included at one point) but i dont think i could have put myself through the waiting to see if i had won only to be disappointed by something else.
I can imagine though that some people are so very desperate that they would enter this lottery and my heart goes out to them that they would have to resort to this.

MarioandLuigi Wed 06-Jul-11 13:48:30

FeelingOld - thats exactly what I meant.

Iwantscallops Wed 06-Jul-11 13:52:00

Having experienced infertility in the past and all that goes with it, I think that the lottery is a good idea. As long as the 'winner' is in a position to 'qualify' for treatment, then I don't see any problem with it.

Unfortunately, the NHS does not have enough cash in the tin for fertility treatment, so this is an opportunity for those who really would like to become parents.

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 14:12:51

I did leave this thread after offering my apologies which it seems you have refused to take, once again I am sorry for any offence. I do have a couple of comments to make:

FeelingOld - No, I have no idea what it's like to have fertility problems, I am truly sorry that you do.

What these kids don't need is any old couple whose only qualification is infertility.
But "any old couple" with fertility issues are ok to have IVF and have children?
I understand that you are getting at the fact that adopted children may need more specialist care than an ordinary child due to their past, but still.

yeah, because adoption is so easy, right!
I don't know, but IVF is very hard too.

DuelingFanjo Wed 06-Jul-11 14:15:13

sorry fanjo, I admit I didn't read your reply until after I posted. Sorry to offend.

IVF is hard, yes. but not nearly as long a process as adoption. Also I might be right in thinking that to adopt you have to wait a certain amount of time after trying for your own, i.e they want to know that you have got over the fact that you can't have your own biological children?

MilaMae Wed 06-Jul-11 14:21:21

Having a baby has nowhere near the stresses and problems that adopting a child who has been in care and probably experienced abuse of some kind involves.

They are 2 completely different experiences.

If they were the same social services would just hand over children in care to any Tom Dick or Harry who had had a baby themselves. Social services don't do that because children in care have the right to a family that have the right qualities and strengths to be able to raise children that may well be
challenging and come with baggage.

MilaMae Wed 06-Jul-11 14:22:48

Oh and if you want to adopt you have to have done IVF (we were told this by an agency we approached).

TryLikingClarity Wed 06-Jul-11 14:25:58

I saw this article earlier on Yahoo news.

I think the term 'lottery' makes it seem crass and 'throwaway'.

I don't know what it's like to suffer infertility, so I can't comment on IVF from first hand experience.

My heart does go out to people who suffer this way, but am not sure if the lottery idea is a good one.

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums Wed 06-Jul-11 14:28:41

"If you want to adopt you have to have done IVF"
Is this true? I've always thought that I might one day when my kids are a bit older, adopt a child, would I not be able to if I am able to have my own??

wannaBe Wed 06-Jul-11 14:30:08

but if you couldn't afford IVF and couldn't get nhs funding then what's wrong with offering this treatment on a lottery basis? It's fairly transparent - it's a lottery, so you know there's a chance you won't be successful, so it's not about getting peoples' hopes up.

I think perhaps the distaste comes more from the fact that people can essentially play a game for the chance to have a baby, and I can see why this doesn't sit well with some people.

As for adoption comments, I have always been a bit hmm at people I know saying "well, if I can't have children I can always adopt" as if it really is that simple.

MilaMae Wed 06-Jul-11 14:34:45

Massages that's if you're infertile and don't have children.From my understanding they get concerned about couples not having dealt with infertility and maybe doing IVF later after adopting a child.

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