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to not buy a wedding present from the wedding list?

(65 Posts)
McDreamy Tue 05-Jul-11 20:06:48

I am going to a wedding at the weekend and plan to go out shopping later this wee. My plan was to buy something for them then but it suddenly occurred to me would this be rude? Should I stick to the list?

lachesis Tue 05-Jul-11 20:10:14

I usually stick to the list as long as it's reasonable (not, the cheapest thing on there is £200) or pop a voucher or money in a card.

mo3d Tue 05-Jul-11 20:10:25

I think the list is more a 'wish list'. So if you have something else in mind that you want to get, I think that's fine.

drivemecrazy63 Tue 05-Jul-11 20:10:44

you give what you want to ive , i understand sometimes why people ive a list out as they dont want ifts repeated or they want a particular coffee pot or desin or somethin, but it depends on WHAT there askin for if they are reasonable requests and how much they cost so can you aford it, I personally think gift lists are wrong , i was brouht up to believe you should jjust be thankful for what you get , wether its another toast rack or nots neither here nor there so iid buy whatever i feels right

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 05-Jul-11 20:10:47

Stick to the list unless you know the couple exceptionally well and know for a fact that your gift isn't something they've already got. Caveat... if the list doesn't contain anything under £100, feel free to express yourself smile

drivemecrazy63 Tue 05-Jul-11 20:11:19

blush my letter G keeps sticking sorry

fifitot Tue 05-Jul-11 20:16:21

I have a similar dilemma. Me and DH are skint, the wedding we are going to, the bride and groom are well off and very aspirational. Their wedding list is at flaming Selfridges and contains nothing under £50. I can't bloody afford a present that costs that much!

I got married, had a very small list and gave people the option of buying off it or not.

I think people take the piss with this stuff they really do.

I have no advice about it as I don't know what to do either but am not spending £50 plus quid for a couple who have everything anyway!

catgirl1976 Tue 05-Jul-11 20:22:15

It is perfectly acceptable to buy off the list, particularly if the gift is something personal or something you really think they would love and is it bit bespoke or special. Its not good form to get something that is on the list but a different style or model (eg you get them a toaster, but NOT the one on the list), but if you say got them a painting because it made you think of them, or a book with some sort of meaning / message then that is fine

(Also fine if the list is out of your price range)

McDreamy Tue 05-Jul-11 20:23:52

That was my thinking - something a bit different not a toaster or cutlery type present. Not sure what yet though hmm

redexpat Tue 05-Jul-11 20:36:52

If you are good at giving gifts then yes go for it. I had some lovely off the list presents!

readywithwellies Tue 05-Jul-11 20:38:38

Personally I would rather not receive something 'different' i would prefer you didn't get me anything if you didn't want to give cash, a voucher or something off the list. I would never go off track unless I was 100% sure it was welcome. Most peoples' idea of 'different' would read as useless dust collecting tat to me. I had teddy bears dressed as a bride and groom. They cost
A fortune but I didn't appreciate them at all, I just begrudged finding somewhere to
Put them and now relegated to the attic, headed for next car boot. Ungrateful? Probably!

redexpat Tue 05-Jul-11 20:39:28

I should say including some lovely red wine, an anthology of love poetry, a book about Holland from our dutch friends and a tiny bristol blue glass vase.

Mischif Tue 05-Jul-11 20:39:28

Yes, found it lovely to have an individual present that somebody had really thought about. But a bit annoying when we received a meat cleaver from one couple, who'd also bought us a meat cleaver as an engagement present. Wasn't sure if they just forgot they'd bought one for engagement, or it was some kind of joke. But as we had one already, ended up with three of them. I think if people ask for things, it's not to be controlling, it's just so that they don't end up with a load of stuff they'lll never use. A friend of ours gave a table made from a tree trunk - sort of tree trunky shape - which I thought was a really lovely individual gift.

McDreamy Tue 05-Jul-11 20:40:04

Do you have a Xmas list and a birthday list too then ready? (I know some people that do!)

catgirl1976 Tue 05-Jul-11 20:40:28

Dear god I wasn't suggesting she got anything so vile as teddy bears dressed as bride and groom, but nor would I suggest she gave anything as vulgar as cash or a voucher. Something personal and given with love and thought is always acceptable and the couple should be greatful for any gift - on the list or not.

McDreamy Tue 05-Jul-11 20:41:45

Have to say bride and groom teddies weren't top of my list!!!

catgirl1976 Tue 05-Jul-11 20:43:06

smile you didnt sound the type!

fifitot Tue 05-Jul-11 20:46:01

I actually hate wedding lists if I'm honest. They are so presumptious. I know they exist to avoid getting 10 toasters but usually people have all the stuff they need anyway and the lists are just a way for them to indulge themselves. Well that's my experience anyway.

Sewmuchtodo Tue 05-Jul-11 20:46:49

these seem to go down well

I make crates simmilar to these and they are a great wedding gift.....
ie, Mr & Mrs Smith
Est 2011

DoMeDon Tue 05-Jul-11 20:50:51

I think it depends on the couple. I was just grateful people got us anything and wouldn;t care if it was on the list. Having said that if they are anal picky you might be better sticking to the list. They can always re-gift it.

McDreamy Tue 05-Jul-11 20:52:25

They are a delightful couple and I think they will be happy with whatever they are given.

wonkylegs Tue 05-Jul-11 21:22:12

It depends what it is really and the people. If it's something really special that they wouldn't have been able to put on their john Lewis/debenhams/insert shop name here list then I think it's fine as long as it's well considered and not any old tat.
I did a painting for my SIL , which obviously gone down well as 7yrs and a house move later it still hangs pride if place in their house. I work in design so I guess a lot of people we know kind of expect to get something quirky from us (have given a lot of art, mine and bought) over the years but always very careful that I know the people well
All things considered it's a gift, not a right but because it is a gift it should be thought about and given with love and care ( which to me means you don't need to spend a fortune but you do need to spend some time & thought)smile

diabolo Tue 05-Jul-11 21:26:18

NEVER stick to the list. Choose something you think is suitable based on what you know about them.

Some old, good friends of ours had one at John Lewis. We bought them 2 Beryl Cook limited edition prints instead, one for him, one for her, but as a pair. The prints were totally apt based on certain aspects of their personalities.

(Must add, we have never seen the prints up on their wall, so god only knows what happened to them) grin

Takver Tue 05-Jul-11 21:32:06

Bear in mind also that the poor couple have probably been bullied into having a list anyway by their parents. And then harangued for the contents.

I would buy them whatever you like so long as it is not a glass punch bowl with six matching glass cups (everyone I know that got married within 6 months of us got at least one of them, IIRC we got two sets, others probably more).

RobynLou Tue 05-Jul-11 21:34:12

the nicest things we were given weren't on our list, we only had a list because my mum insisted we have one to help elderly relatives...

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