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useless x partner advice

(11 Posts)
toni985 Tue 05-Jul-11 16:18:39

Hiya really need advice and sorry its a long one x. Me and my x partner split up nearly 5 years ago, he got married etc and i stayed single. mainly due to the physical and emotional abuse i went through, we have a nearly 6year old daughter together. After splitting up he moved an hour away and started to visit our daughter once a month, on occasion monthly or then he wouldnt turn up for 3 months he hardly calls even when i asked him to ring once a week he never stuck to any arrangement. He got married and the abuse continued this time with his wife within the last two years social services are involved due to violence between him and his wife, (she is lovely and my daughter enjoyed spejding the day with her it seems more then my x partner) she is going for a divorce and supervised visits and as social services are involved for the 2nd time, im disgusted by this as all the now obvious lies of him saying he has changed, i made my feelings clear to him and decided i did not want this around my daughter that was 3 months ago. he is in my opinion evil and even some of his family members are disgusted by his behavior and no longer talk or accosiate with him. Today i recieved a letter from his solicitor to ask for access im distraught as i no how manipulative he is, i always gave him chance after chance for contact but he continued to let our dd down, im so worried he will b given weekend stays and school holiday visits as i do not trust him he has a past full of violence and for years took drugs, so sorry for the long thread but im so worried as im unsure of what to do x need to no if im bieng an idiot tbh especially from someone that doesnt know either of us as i get told im right by relatives ov both mine an xpartners

MadYoungCatLady Tue 05-Jul-11 16:21:24

Firstly - have you seen a solicitor yourself yet?

Tanee58 Tue 05-Jul-11 16:36:20

try RightsofWomen.org.uk - they give legal advice on family law, over the phone. Local rate.

Hunterswish Tue 05-Jul-11 16:47:49

Wow that's a lot of information smile
I don't know if I would be of any use, I would have thought with time lapse he would have to reapply for parental responsibility? You will be quite within your right to point out to a solicitor and a judge if it came to that, the Social Services records proving his violence?
His letter from a solicitor could of course mean that he fully expects you to roll over and say "yeah no problem !"
Could you get a solicitor for advice? My ex took me to court 10 years ago, got every other week end access, 2 weeks in summer holidays and half terms shared, he was of course not like your ex but felt the need to prove a point! Got all that he asked for and low and behold has never stuck to it!!!
I would have thought that you would have been quite within your rights to ask for supervised access to reintroduce himself to DD?
Solicitor is going to have to be your next port of call.
Wish all the very best of luck
Take care smile

toni985 Tue 05-Jul-11 17:11:41

Thankyou to all ov u for ur advice iv got an appointment with a solicitor next week so hopefully then il have a clear idea of what is going on. And sorry for the long rant xxx

toni985 Tue 05-Jul-11 17:24:08

My dd does know him but never talks about him i find that strange and in all honest opinion she liked to c him only because he took her out for the day but she has also seen too much as in him bieng verbally abusive in front if dd and arguments between xp and his wife, dd remembers everything and if she does mention her dad thats all she mentions. So fingers crossed its all sorted soon :'(

DrCoconut Tue 05-Jul-11 17:42:06

Sounds like my ex. It's not an issue for us as he doesn't want to know at all but hell will freeze over before he gets access now if he changes his mind. If you don't trust him don't let him have access. Be out when he's due to call round. If the authorities physically make you give him access (unlikely?) tell whoever is assigned to your case that you hold them responsible for what happens to ame it clear how concerned you are. I don't normally advocate contact blocking as kids need both parents, but if there is a risk to the child it is necessary.

toni985 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:14:07

Seems to b a habit for most fathers nowdays eh, what makes it worse for me is hes a jahovas witness (if thats how u spell it) and seems to think he is higher then everyone else an eg is telling my mum he wont get out of bed for less then £30.000 a year he said this while playing his xbox and claiming jsa lol (got to add i no of certain j.witnesses who are lovely people so got nothing against them)

unpa1dcar3r Tue 05-Jul-11 18:26:34

I would firstly go to his minister or whoever these people have and explain to him your doubts re daughter seeing him. I'm sure your ex will lurve that teehee!
At least threaten it anyway but in a nice way like
"Perhaps it would help if i spoke to your minister about your anger issues"

Let the solicitor do the work, it is their job and they can word things that you say in such a clever way. He will see you are not going to be intimidated which is basically what he's trying to do. Doesn't sound to me like he has any interest in your daughter, just trying to prove some stupid point.

toni985 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:49:02

Lol thats a good one, he is defo playing games coz he made a csa claim even tho when i nade one years ago he threatened me until i got rid ov it, it made me laugh tho because he has been told he has to pay 116 a month instead of the 20 i asked for and never got, i can imagine his face growling at the letter smile o wel its his choice eh. Im sure he thinks im still scared of him

toni985 Tue 05-Jul-11 18:54:26

Lol thats a good one, he is defo playing games coz he made a csa claim even tho when i nade one years ago he threatened me until i got rid ov it, it made me laugh tho because he has been told he has to pay 116 a month instead of the 20 i asked for and never got, i can imagine his face growling at the letter smile o wel its his choice eh. Im sure he thinks im still scared of him

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