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to be absolutely fuming , steam is literally coming out of my ears

(11 Posts)
Mrswhiskerson Tue 05-Jul-11 12:03:49

Ds just recovered recovered from a nasty stomach flu which led to him becoming very dehydrated , for days we rang doctor after doctor he saw the gp who said he was fine u til the day after he was so lifeless we took him straight to hospital, he has recovered now thank god but dhs family
member told him that other family members have been very concerned about the state of our house , it is messy clothes and toys seem to grow by the second but it is never dirty , we also have a lot of things DVDs books etc but they are on shelves and that is how we like it and of course things are out of the way of ds.

The peoe who have apparently been talking about us behind our backs have no idea whatsoever of the year we have been through , pnd depression money worries and the most stressful house purchase you could ever I
agine ,on top of that I have been at risk of redundancy and placed into a
job I am not qualified to do ,tryi g to keep the house nice pretty
much on my own (dhsays he does loads but he doesn't not really) amd he is very depressed.
The peoe who have been sayi g they are so concerned have never once offered to help out with anything or have said anything directly to us they also live in a world of privilege and help something I do not
begrude them at all but there lives are very different to ours.
So now people are implying g ds illness is our fault and that we did not do enough to get him treatment ,like I said we spoke to numerous doctors and visited the gp the day before he was admitted who said he was fi e and not to take him to hospital as they would send us home , what do you do ? We trusted the opinion of several health

I don't want to fall out with them but the idea they have been talking about us behind our backs without the slightest clue of how bloody hard this past year has been is literally making me see red.
We already feel like the poor relatives without being madeout to be the equivalent of Wayne and waynetta slob.
(and breathe)

Mrswhiskerson Tue 05-Jul-11 12:05:49

Sorry about the terrible writing I'm on my phone and not thinking straight.

boohoohoo Tue 05-Jul-11 12:12:53

Right, probably not going to be much help, but dont listen to and worry about Dhs family, they are not your concern, you've had a much needed rant on here (so would I have - they sound horrible!). The most important thing is that your DH is on the mend, the others, well they can go stuff themselves. Some families just love bitching beind others backs, they really are not worthy of you getting yourself upset over.

mummytime Tue 05-Jul-11 12:22:59

Agree. Rant here - fine!
Get yourselves better. Try to make sure you are all eating nice healthy food, and give yourselves time. Don't waste time on people who aren't going to help, its too precious.
I hope you all start feeling better soon!

nickschick Tue 05-Jul-11 12:26:55


whatliesbeneath Tue 05-Jul-11 12:27:45

My dd had gastroenteritis last week &my GP ended
up rushing her into A&E as she was very dehydrated.
She was sent home 5 hours later with no treatment.
I now have caught the bug and i spend my life cleaning
actually i have been accused as been obsessed with cleaning
in the past so tell your in laws to get lost.
Hope your ds feels better soon.

GypsyMoth Tue 05-Jul-11 15:05:15

toys and clothes grow by the second? yet you are positive the house is clean? how do you know whats under all the clutter?? do you move it around every day to check for dirt? no.... clutter. take some time each day and get on top of it. kids dont actually need many toys.

also,a pleasant clutter free home might help with the depression!!

ok,lecture over grin....i mean well. just think mabe they have a point (and maybe they dont)

oohjarWhatsit Tue 05-Jul-11 15:15:19

they sound horrible!

no they dont, they sound like they are concerned

maybe they think the unkempt house has contributed to child being ill, which it could well do

and surely being in a mess makes you feel down as well, it would me

WhoAteMySnickers Tue 05-Jul-11 15:24:00

There's every possibility that they are genuinely concerned and have been for some time, and that your DS being ill has prompted them to voice their concerns.

Be brutally honest with yourself - is your house dirty? I've never really bought into the whole "my house is messy but it's not dirty", I don't know how that can be possible.

It sounds like you're really struggling for various reasons to do it all yourself. Your DH needs to pull his finger out and help too.

It's a really difficult issue to raise with someone, what exactly is the best way of telling someone their house is less than clean and tidy without offending them? They might be desperate to offer help but don't know how to do that without offending you?

Mrswhiskerson Tue 05-Jul-11 20:15:27

I do struggle with keepin on top of the clutter and ds seems toners co stant entertainment and his toys do end up scattered everywhere , dh does need to pull his finger out and we have had a serious discussion about this ,
tiffany yes everyday I move all the toys upstairs get the vacuum out the mr muscle etc etc and I clean the house , my brother is staying with us and uses a different cup knife fork plate without washing them and bascially leaves them for me to pick up amd I have said sooo many times to him that it is not on .
Dh can be a lazy shite and when I am always the one saying ok everyone we need to tidy Uup dh will say tidy what? It's not that bad and I will say it is that bloody bad amd I end up doing it all myself .
His family Are actually lovely bit I am not used to the whole everyone being deeply involved in each others lives , my family aren't connected due to numerous divorces amd bad feeling.I am used to coping with things on my own (or on mumsnet)

I have found it hard to cope since ds was born and what with dh depression
and everything else I feel at bit of a breaking point. And I could die with shame at the thought of everyone discussing my house. It is clean nut I have always been surrounded with clutter and mow I have ds I make sure there is nothing that could harm him lying around.
Also people do just show up with no warning and are always welcomed but I am sure everyone here knows what it can be like with kids on the days you feel you can't get anything done , throw in a unexpected visitor judging you and it's just aaargh!

redexpat Tue 05-Jul-11 20:51:17

I'm glad your DC is better. That sounds like a really stressful series of events and you sound like you need support and you're not getting it from anyone.

Are you getting help for the PND?

I think going a bit supernanny and sitting down the DH and DB to discuss houserules, writing them down, and displaying them somewhere might help. Quite often men just don't realise what has to be done. So you may also have to assign jobs to them and specify exaclty what needs to be done and how often. If they haven't done it properly you make them come back and do it.

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