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AIBU?

WWYD? Think dsis might be pregnant

84 replies

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 11:55

Just moved home 3 months ago after not seeing my sister for a couple years. Saw her in a biking right after we got here looked totally normal (she's normal weight but not super skinny).

Now, first thing. She is normally clothes obsessed, last 3 times I have seen her she has been in same comfy jersey dress (maybe clothes aren't fitting too well). Last month I thought I saw a bump and thought it must be in my head (due to just finding out I was pg) mentioned it to DH who said "no, I noticed it too".

Saw her yesterday for a family thing and "bump" was definitly bigger, dh said "bigger rounder and firmer". If I were to guess I'd say 4- 5 months.

Now if my sister was pregnant, I can guarentee she doesn't know it, as spent yesterday drinking and chain smoking, (since coming back I've noticed she drinks quite a lot actually). This is one of the problems I have, the "baby" could be a beer belly, she is only gaining weight in her stomach.

Also my sister loves attention if she were pregnant she would definitly tell people, I think she would prefer to be married first as well.

My sister is only 24 and only been with her bf for 2 years so I wouldn't think she would be doing IVF (which I know could also give you a belly like you're pregnant).

I'm really not sure what to do, we aren't actually that close now.. and she's the kind of person to be really offended and is quite looks concious. I couldn't mention it to someone else to mention because my family is quite bitchy and I don't want a nasty gossipy thing happening. But if she were to go in to labour in 4 months time with out having a clue of it I would feel pretty shit especially about the smoking and drinking.

Also we have a history of fertility issues in my family (irregular periods etc) and my sis when she was a teenager told me she didn't think she could get pregnant after having a few accidents and nothign happening. So the signs of pregnancy might not be apparent.

I have decided if in a month's time she is obviously bigger I will have to bite the bullet and have a word. Just not sure if I should do it earlier.

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TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 11:58

what a strange relationship you have with your sister

so your not that close, ok, but why can't you just ask her ?

why all the subterfuge and pussy-footing around ?

Ragwort · 05/07/2011 11:58

Do you actually need to know?

Presumably if she is 24 she will have a good idea of whether or not she is pregnant; sounds like she has just put on a bit of weight (people often asked me if I was pregnant - no, just fat ).

AlpinePony · 05/07/2011 12:01

I would maybe say something like "I'm so excited to be having this baby, unplanned though () - have you got any plans - I mean you've been with him now, what is it? 2 years?". Leaves it very open...

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:01

TheFarSideOfFuck

We haven't had much contact in the past 10 years I've lived abroad, other than being sisters it would be much like asking a stranger if she'd realised she might be pregnant. And she is the type of person to get really offended, she also had some weight issues as a teenager.

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TheRhubarb · 05/07/2011 12:02

I'd just ask her outright if she was tempted to start a family with her bf? Her answer should tell you if she was pg or not.

If she is pg and drinking and smoking then yes you do need to say something as chances are she'll be fucking up the baby's central nervous system and the babe could be born with alcohol foetal syndrome.

There are many ways you could approach this without having to ask her outright, but if you concerned then I would advise you do broach the subject sooner rather than later.

Insomnia11 · 05/07/2011 12:03

I'm pretty good at spotting people when they are pregnant since I had kids myself, even when they are not showing at all.

I'd just ask her outright. If she's just put a bit of weight on, she may be offended, but then if you can't offend a sister, who can you offend? Be ready for grovelling apologies, that's all.

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:04

I don't plan on telling anyone for a while Alpine, potentially after she gives birth! Also I don't think she realises if she is. argh I will definitly ask her if she is bigger next month. [wimp emoticon]

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Elemental · 05/07/2011 12:04

I had a similar situation with a friend of mine. Her stomach was getting noticeably bigger in contrast to the rest of her slim frame, which seemed to be getting slimmer if anything. But as i couldn't believe she wouldn't have told me if she was pregnant (we lived together!) and I knew that she had scar tissue on her stomach that she was sensitive about, and meant she couldn't have a flat belly anyway, I thought perhaps that was just showing up more in comparison to her getting slimmer. Can't believe now though, that I didn't say anything, but I was about 20 and knew nothing! It turned out to be ovarian cysts, which had an effect on her fertility, so important to find out about as early as possible.

If it happened now, I think I would just say something like "I can't help but notice that something is up, is there a problem?"

TheRhubarb · 05/07/2011 12:04

No need to make it about her weight. Ask your parents if perhaps they have noticed anything. Just start a convo about having kids and what her future plans are etc. Those are the kid of convos you might ask mums in the playground anyway so she's not likely to be offended and it gives her the perfect chance to tell you if she is.

But if she is, she will most definitely know about it so she's either concealing it from you all or seriously doesn't give a fuck.

Energumene · 05/07/2011 12:04

I think earlier is better. If she is pregnant, she needs to know asap, and a month is a long time in a pregnancy.

If she's not pregnant, there are still some conditions that would need to be looked into that could cause her to look as if she were, and again, it's important to get that seen to sooner rather than later. Hell, if I wanted to look pregnant, all I'd have to do is eat gluten, because I have coeliac disease.

Be tactful, but you need to talk to her.

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:05

Oh and by ask her, I will actually have to say, Are you pregnant, and if she says no, I will have to tell her she looks it and that she should take a test.

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meditrina · 05/07/2011 12:06

I'd say that enquiring into the contents of someone else's uterus is highly intrusive (and usually unreasonably rude). But with a sister, you might get away with it.

ObiWan · 05/07/2011 12:07

She is 24, and by your own admission very looks concious. It isn't terribly likely that your sister is unaware of changes to her own body if they are apparent to you and your husband.

It could be anything, but if you are not close it is unlikely that you will be someone she will be happy to discuss any medica/weight issues with.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:07

I don't understand your issue

You are concerned about the effect of smoking/drinking on a potential baby ? Well, going off how "easily offended" she is, would she be happy for you to judge her in this anyway ?

You think you "deserve" to know, because she is family ? No, you don't

You think she may not realise she is pg ? That is very, very rare and she's a grown-up, so unlikely to be a true concealed pregnancy

You don't sound as if you like your sister very much, tbh, so I think you should examine your motives quite closely in your quest to know the truth.

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:08

Elemental thats quite scary, did you friend not notice she was gettign bigger?

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Nixea · 05/07/2011 12:09

Not meaning to stir the pot here but could it not be possible that she is pregnant, very aware of it, and just not bothered about the drinking/smoking?

Without judging anyone for their choices, there are plenty of woman out there who wouldn't see pregnancy as a reason to give up those things.

Angel786 · 05/07/2011 12:10

If you ask her outright you're guaranteed to offend. Maybe say you get really bad period pain etc and how does she cope with hers as a roundabout way of getting her mind to focus?

TheRhubarb · 05/07/2011 12:12

Nixea - spot on.

If she is showing then she will have noticed herself. There is also the small matter of a lack of periods and other pregnancy symtoms such as the baby kicking. A slim woman cannot get away with claiming that she never knew.

If she is up the duff then she would no doubt have told someone, but can I make a quick guess that if she isn't prepared to change her lifestyle and the pg was an accident that she might have got an abortion?

She probably has an underlying condition. If you can't talk to your sis then surely you can ask your parents? Your mum is the best person to talk to your sister about any health concerns surely?

Elemental · 05/07/2011 12:12

I think she had her head in the sand for a while about it too. She's very private as well, which didn't make me want to barge in. It was very hard but though her stomach had definitely grown, it wasn't so big as to be obviously a problem.

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:12

TheFarSideOfFuck I love mumsnet sometimes, people read such a lot of shit in to the most innocent of posts. I am not judging my sister, my pont was if she were pregnant and knew it, she would have told everyone. So if she is pregnant which is the big IF because she would have to be totally unaware of it, should I say something so she can curb her smoking and drinking.

Most likely everyone who thinks she would know if she were pregnant is right and my sister has developed a little bit of a beer belly. I hope.

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TheRhubarb · 05/07/2011 12:14

FFS OP, ask your bloody parents!
Or ask if she has any plans - you're pg so surely you can start a whole pg convo with your own sister without causing offence?

Sheesh!

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:15

You think you "deserve" to know, because she is family ? No, you don't

Oh and where did you even get that from? I deserve to know? I thought she might deserve to know. FFS

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AlpinePony · 05/07/2011 12:16

rhubarb Just out of curiosity, why is it that a slim woman will feel the baby kicking and will stop having periods but a fat woman won't? This is the first time I've ever heard such a claim but would be delighted if you could explain further. In the same vein, is it also true that an overweight woman will not experience morning sickness or braxton hicks?

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:16

NO one knows I am pg yet Rhubarb, Except dh! my mum is quite bitchy and loves a bit of drama which is why I said I woudln't bring it up with family.

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LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:17

In the same vein, is it also true that an overweight woman will not experience morning sickness

We could all live in hope

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