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AIBU to feel hurt by neighbour?

(14 Posts)
Butterflybows Tue 05-Jul-11 09:27:34


A few days before Christmas, my husband left us (20 years together and 2 DC). In early January, my next door neighbour came round all full of concern and sympathy. Still devastated and in shock, I really appreciated this and told her everything (very juicy stuff-my h behaved appallingly). She gave me her mobile number and twice I invited her round for general chat as well as support. Anyway, I haven't heard a peep out of her since - and I feel now she only came round to get the gossip.

Her and her husband work full time and they do seem to have a busy social life, but I can't help feeling hurt. If they are in their car they do big waves, but I'm ashamed to admit I feel 'fobbed off' by this eventhough I know they don't owe me anything.

AIBU or are my feelings justified?????

LindyHemming Tue 05-Jul-11 09:29:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ealingkate Tue 05-Jul-11 09:30:06

She may have come round to see how you were - but got alot more info than she was bargaining for. I can understand you feeling hurt as you poured your heart out to her - but then sometimes it's easier to do that with a stranger. So YABALBU.

catonlap Tue 05-Jul-11 09:38:18

Did she respond/come round after your 2 invites and then you have not heard since? If so could it be that she is waitng for you to contact her? She gave you her mobile number and perhaps does not want to come across as interfering in case she is not wanted so is leaving it up to you to dictate the contact??

Or do mean that she didn't respond to your invites after the first meeting?

Birdsgottafly Tue 05-Jul-11 09:47:28

Perhaps she doesn't want to give you false hope of her being a support network. She may not have the time that you need, it is better to be friendly but not let anyone down.

Could you just have her as a casual friend because it sounds as though she is busy and has realised that there are more problems than she thought and may be out of her depth.

Butterflybows Tue 05-Jul-11 09:55:02

Thanks for your responses.

catonlap [nice name, by the way] she did kindly come round when I texted her.

I never expected her to be my free councelling service and available at my beck and call, but I can't shake off my (unreasonable) hurt feelings. <I'm being stupid> icon

faintpositive Tue 05-Jul-11 09:59:38


You were obviously very vulnerable and needed support at a most dreadful time, she was just there at the right time.
Thats really as far as it should go, she is a neighbour and as you rightly say, she doesnt owe you anything.

Can i just say though, as one human being to another, it is wrong that she has not given you a tiny bit of her time knowing all of this has gone on with you, and knowing intimate details as well.
I mean jeez, just 30 minutes for a coffee and a catch up, listening ear.

purplepidjin Tue 05-Jul-11 09:59:53

Perhaps invite her round then do something nice for her as a thank you? I might be wrong but I get the impression that she's done a lot of listening. Show her you appreciate it and move things on to a more equal basis smile

Butterflybows Tue 05-Jul-11 10:17:01


I just think what I hope I'd do if the situations were reversed. It wasn't all 'me me me' when she came round. I asked alot about how she was/her work etc etc.

I just need to 'man up' and get over myself.

purplepidjin Tue 05-Jul-11 10:50:16

Sorry, I really didn't mean to imply you were self-absorbed I'm sure you weren't! Just one interpretation of "read between the lines" on an internet forum where you only get limited information smile

Butterflybows Tue 05-Jul-11 11:06:45

Oh no purplepidjin - I didn't take your comment like that at all. I just appreciate other perspectives and I'm grateful for people taking the time to reply. x

purplepidjin Tue 05-Jul-11 11:21:44

No worries smile

And don't forget, you've been through a helluvan ordeal so no "manning up" required don't let the feminists know you said it either wink

NomNomNom Tue 05-Jul-11 12:26:40

This happened to me with a couple of people when my H moved out last year. I think you're so caught up in the upheaval that you will talk to people who you wouldn't usually tell very personal stuff. Unfortunately, some people do just like the gossip aspect of it and have no interest in actually supporting you emotionally. Sorry! It's rubbish. You do learn who your true friends are. It's a cliche, but it's true.

Butterflybows Tue 05-Jul-11 13:20:56

Thankyou x

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