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to be sat here crying

(138 Posts)
biddysmama Mon 04-Jul-11 21:13:56

i have a 10 month old,a 27 month old and a 9 year old and im 10 weeks pregnant

my 9 year old is in the middle of getting his aspergers diagnosis, i know he has it, teachers,educatuional psychologist knows he has it, all we need is for the peadiatrician to officially say he has it..

he gets no help yet because theres no diagnosis, hes having a really bad time atm, everything is a fight, he wont get up, he wont go to school, school cant handle him, i cant handle him, he wont wash, he wont sit and eat and he wont go to bed at bedtime, every trip out of the house ends in meltdown, he has a meltdown every day, screaming at me that everythings my fault, im horrible,im mean, he wants to play wii, he wants to play out (we live on a busy road and obviously he cant go on his own)

i just feel like i cant cope anymore, no one can help me cos if i send him to stay somewhere he comes back 50x worse, summer holidays are coming up and i am terrified! im his mum, i love him and i should be able to cope but im just exhausted

goodmum123 Mon 04-Jul-11 21:15:21

a massive hug for you. The county council should have an inclusion team which is there to support you x

GypsyMoth Mon 04-Jul-11 21:17:46

god i feel for you!

i know its not the same,but i have been through hell with my teen dd. she's got through it now. but i used to DREAD her coming home. i know the gut wrench feeling,and even now,if she starts even slightly,i get all anxious.

hope you get all the help you need sad

hellospoon Mon 04-Jul-11 21:20:53

I am not sure how the disability works atall so i am sorry if i sound misguided here, does distraction work with him? I know with my 16 month old if she is throwing an all mighty tantrum distracting seems to help?

so for instance, painting, gluing or drawing? you could do baking with him and let him do most of it?

It sounds like he is probably very scared at the moment and is acting out at the person he knows wont leave him. shower him in love (im not saying you dont) give real one on one time and help him gain a better understanding of what his disability is? maybe sit down and do some research with him on the internet it may help him know why he feels the way he does?

Again i am sorry if i am way off the mark.

glassescase Mon 04-Jul-11 21:26:38

Why have another child when you find it hard to cope with the ones you have...

oohjarWhatsit Mon 04-Jul-11 21:34:21

where is the father

extremepie Mon 04-Jul-11 21:35:14

Unfortunately, having one child with additional needs does not automatically stop you from wanting more sad

On another note, don't be so judgey!

VeronicaCake Mon 04-Jul-11 21:37:48

Ooh I'm normally very butter wouldn't melt round here but glassescase that was a really fucking nasty thing to say.

It sounds like you are all going through a rough time. Aspergers is tough for you but it is even tougher for him having to cope in a world which is often confusing and upsetting.

Try giving the NAS helpline a call for ideas for helping your DS with some of the things he finds hard at the moment.

Are there any summer playschemes for children with SEN near you? Some of them will not necessarily need a diagnosis for your son to participate and you might all benefit from his having some structured daytime activity.

The basic rules for Asperger's are simple. Things you think he should be able to grasp intuitively he may not. So you need clear rules in place, lots of routine and clear explanations if your plans are going to change. I realise that must be really hard if you have a 10m old and a 27m old but the sooner you start imposing some structure the sooner his behaviour will begin to calm down.

Can you chat with the EP now about how to handle this? and can you talk to school about how you are going to respond to his behaviour between now and the end of term so you are at least presenting a united front.

Oh and I totally agree with hellospoon's idea about getting your DS to research the diagnosis. There are some really good books for explaining the diagnosis to children too. If you give him the message that you know when he meltsdown he is overwhelmed and you want to help you might find he has lots of good ideas for alternative ways of coping with his anger and anxiety. Classics include having a safe place for acting out (a beanbag or pile of cushions he can punch with frustration, old newspapers to tear up etc).

MadYoungCatLady Mon 04-Jul-11 21:44:44

Reading the thread, I cant really offer much support at all as I have no experience but just wondered if there are any charities or anything that could help you by coming into your home, maybe just giving you a hand with some bits and bats might take some of the pressure of you?
Sounds like he should be entitled to DLA even if he hasnt been properly diagnosed yet - have you tried applying for this? Sounds to me like he should be getting at least middle rate care and low mobility, and the extra money could help you out with some specialised help?

Please take no notice at all of wankers posting judgemental posion of some posters!!!

glassescase Mon 04-Jul-11 21:44:48

Not making a JUDGEMENT at all, it's up to her of course, but she has a choice and having three children under three will make dealing with the nine year old more of a problem. She must have been aware of his difficulties before now.

MadYoungCatLady Mon 04-Jul-11 21:47:18

Maybe the love for her children outweighs that and she's having a bad night hence coming on here and asking for support? How on earth is your comment helpful in the slightest?

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 21:49:31

OP, is your DS statemented?

nomorehotbaths Mon 04-Jul-11 21:49:55

glassescase - go and take it out on someone else you nasty cow.
OP - I feel for you. I hope you get the help you need soon, I'm sure you will.xx

amIbeingdaft Mon 04-Jul-11 21:51:20

I'll probably be eaten alive but I do see glassescase's point. It is foolish to go on having children if that is going to make you unhappy. And the OP certainly doesn't sound happy. sad

And for those saying 'don't be so judgey'...this isn't Netmums, ffs. And it's posted in AIBU.
'Have a hug, hun''s that going to help her?

More importantly: OP, do you have a partner to support you? Or anyone else in RL? That's important I think.

jugglingmug Mon 04-Jul-11 21:52:15

Glassescase - op is clearly asking for sympathy and support, if you have neither to offer may I suggest you stick with the Thumper rules

oohjarWhatsit Mon 04-Jul-11 21:53:40

i thing glasses does have a point, albeit put very harshly

hellospoon Mon 04-Jul-11 21:53:49

glassescase & oojar if you have nothing nice to say i suggest you say nothing atall.

jugglingmug Mon 04-Jul-11 21:54:21

biddysmama - tomorrow morning, find the details of your local Sure Start Children's Centre, ring them and ask to make a self referral to a Family Support Worker. They should be able to offer help and support at home. What do you have in the way of family and friends? DH/P? If you dont ask for help you wont get it, so start asking and dont stop until you get some.

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 21:54:36

What's she supposed to do, send one of her children back? hmm

intothewest Mon 04-Jul-11 21:54:52

Hi - Sorry you're having such a bad time- If you go to the special needs page you'll find help and support from people who know what you're going through-(That's where I usually post )

jugglingmug Mon 04-Jul-11 21:55:02

hellospoon x posts...but great minds think alike grin

exoticfruits Mon 04-Jul-11 21:56:16

I would try reposting on a different thread OP to avoid the horrible type of reply from glasses case. I'm not a lot of help. Could you start with the school and ask for suggestions?

ThePathanKhansWoman Mon 04-Jul-11 21:56:35

OP my friend whose DC has SEN, said waiting for the official diagnosis, was a

real stress point. You have two small children, and you are at the start of

your pregnancy. Go easy on yourself, have a good bloody cry, let it out.

I hope all goes well for you.

glassescase Mon 04-Jul-11 21:57:21

She asked if she was being unreasonable!
And since when did folk on here restrict themselves to saying nice things?

exoticfruits Mon 04-Jul-11 21:57:34

glasses case doesn't have a point-it is a useless statement that is no help at all. I would move over to the SN board.

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