Advanced search

Not letting bf come round?

(19 Posts)
Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 20:41:56

Quick background is that I am 7 weeks pregnant experiencing very bad nausea & tiredness. I have 2 dc aged 8 & 5. I have been with bf for 17 months & he has stayed with us since december however due to some drink/possible drug issues I have asked him to go back & stay with his mum at the moment.
He has been saying all day that he was coming round & anytime I have spoken to him it has been I'm just doing this or that. I spoke to him at 7 & he wouldn't be long. I told him I am starting to get tired & he told me go to bed & started saying he was going to come round to have a bath & eat. I said that I actually wanted some time with him meaning rather than being so tired I had gone to sleep but he took it that I meant he could only come to see me not stay & got stroppy so have now said forget it. AIBU to not want him to use my flat as a hotel or am I being a bitch?!?

GypsyMoth Sat 02-Jul-11 20:43:38

Does he work? Share finances? Pay his way etc?

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 20:45:46

If he stays he gives me £50 a week that doesn't even feed him. His income is £1675 a month & he never has any money

spookshowangel Sat 02-Jul-11 20:50:18

ummmmmmmmmmm this sounds rather odd, your pregnant with his child, but you kicked him out because he has drink and drug issues but you still want him to come around and spend time with you... did i get this right or am i mis reading?

M0naLisa Sat 02-Jul-11 20:52:37

thats how i read it Spook

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 20:54:54

Drink issues, if he has a drink he turns into a twat, if he doesn't he is lovely. He had stopped but now I am pregnant has the attitude that I have the baby I want so he can have the drink he wants so my attitude is ok live elsewhere so you can drink & be a twat there & come see me when you are sober & nice. He had drug issues in his past that were resolved but I have heard a couple of things that may mean they are not or may just be people being malicious but he is not living with me until I get to the bottom of that story.

Geordieminx Sat 02-Jul-11 21:00:33

Sorry but I think you are crazy to be having a baby with this man. He sounds like a total tosser that cannot look after himself never mind you and a child. Is he the sort of role model you want for your older children?

I cannot believe that you have gotten to a stage of planning a baby but have no financial arrangements in place other than hin giving you a few quid if he stays over....he's basically paying for a bed and a shag?

spookshowangel Sat 02-Jul-11 21:00:44

sounds like a catch op and a fab role model for the new child you guys are having. " now that you have the baby you want" so it was nothing to do with him. any excuse to drink it seems, sounds like you need to think long and hard about what is going to be right in the long term, the man is getting pissed off because you want to spend some time with him.

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 21:08:48

To be honest all had been going really well until now, the money thing isn't an issue as I prefer to be self sufficient. My problem tonight was that he either comes to see me or stays at his mums not cones to use my facilities. Normally he would be begging to spend time together & his twatish response makes me think that he may have had a drink in which case he can stay away. He will provide for our baby whether living here or not & his money goes into my bank account so if I wanted or needed more I can have it with no questions asked but I don't.

spookshowangel Sat 02-Jul-11 21:22:33

op you are not making any sense. he gives you 50 pound a week when he stays or does all his money go in to your account. so your relationship and his relationship with his child is going to be dictated by when he is drinking and when he is not.

yesdarling Sat 02-Jul-11 21:27:26

what a mess. good luck x

maras2 Sat 02-Jul-11 21:32:25

So you knew him for less than a year before you became pregnant.Learn from your mistake, read your post back to yourself and see what is right with this relationship rather than what's wrong. Get rid of the loser and don't get knocked up again unless the potential dad is alot more deserving of you.

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 21:37:32

He gives me £50 a week when he stays. His money goes in account so in theory I could take more but in practice I don't & it is never there long before he has spent it. The drink issue will have to be dealt with before baby is born but can not be dealt with in 5 mins as it obviously isn't just an ok I won't drink issue which it seemed before that it was, like he could take it or leave it as he was leaving it but now doesn't seem able.
A mess? Maybe. Complex? Definitely. Fixable? Yeah coz no ones dead.

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 21:39:29

Maras learn to count, in my years there are 12 months & as we have been together 17 months & I am not quite 2 months pregnant how do you get that I have known him less than a year?

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sat 02-Jul-11 21:41:23

And my baby will never be considered or called a mistake!!!

maras2 Sat 02-Jul-11 21:56:39

Squig.I'm so sorry to hve used the word mistake. Truely, if I could I'd cut my finger off for being so rude.

GypsyMoth Sat 02-Jul-11 21:59:59

Do you work or rely solely on his wage?

spookshowangel Sat 02-Jul-11 23:24:08

you are probably feeling a bit attacked here op. no one is really addressing your original post and all are slagging off your relationship and choices. yanbu to not let you bf come over, in fact i think you did absolutely the right thing. having had a alcoholic exh for 10 yrs i knows that the drinking always comes first. i think the reason every one is being so sharp about your bf is because his behaviour sounds appalling and your acceptance of it seems very odd. if your happy that is fair enough no one can ask any more but if your not then its important you are honest with yourself.

LineRunner Sat 02-Jul-11 23:42:24

YANBU to tell him not to come over.

I think you are trying really hard to make some sense of all this, and to look after yourself and your DC, and putting your foot down is a good start.

I agree with the posters above though who express concerns about this relationship. It does sound very draining for you. Good luck.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: