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AIBU to expect him to help?

(10 Posts)
amverytired Sat 02-Jul-11 10:11:47

Have had serious relationship issues which we are working through. Things fairly good now. I'm a SAHM that does some part-time work during academic year. 3 young dc (1 in school, 2 pre-schoolers). Dh has started a new job in same company as he worked in before. He now leaves at 6.40 and is back at 5.15. He's on his feet all day. When he comes home he helps dish up dinner, eats with us all, plays with dc, does his stuff in the garden and helps get them to bed. He might put a plate or 2 in the dishwasher. He now says he doesn't want to do any housework at the weekends as he is working so much during the week.
Our house is a tip. Dc have stuff to do at the weekends which I take care of and I also do the shopping then while he minds dc, does things in garden. Pigs would be flying before he ever took them out by himself so the cleaning up part at the weekend is like shovelling snow in a blizzard. AIBU to expect a bit more help?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 02-Jul-11 10:19:11

YANBU... family life is meant to be a team effort and when there are preschoolers in the family, it's hard work - even if someone has been working full-time and even if one partner is at home all day. As children get older, they should be expected to help around the house. If they see Dad does nothing, it sets a bad example. Opting out really isn't a grown-up solution.

skybluepearl Sat 02-Jul-11 10:21:59

Are you keeping on top of the house during the week? Just goes pear shaped at weekends? I really relate to the shoveling snow in a blizzard.

I think all the weekend jobs need to be shared between you both equally. Maybe you need to have a slot for sorting the house/food shopping and a slot for relaxing and doing something more enjoyable. It shouldn't be just about you waiting on him/kids hand and foot. You need a break too.

buzzsore Sat 02-Jul-11 10:22:41

No, yanbu. He wants to come home and have his days off. But where's your day-off? He should be helping out.

skybluepearl Sat 02-Jul-11 10:28:53

yes you need to have equal time off work/duties.

amverytired Sat 02-Jul-11 10:29:52

I barely keep on top of things during the week. I'm on top of laundry (including his) and food but not general housework. I hoover a few times but there is always children's stuff everywhere and their rooms are littered with toys. During the week I get to see my therapist (depression and other stuff) and do 1 session of yoga - my parents childmind then. DH has no outside activities besides his veg growing, he might v. occasionally go for a cycle. He will do some cooking at the weekend but tbh this has in the past been a way of opting out of childminding, or anything else.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 02-Jul-11 10:31:54

There's another solution which is to find some money in the household budget to get cleaners in once a week. You need to talk about this honestly as a couple. Sounds like the problem goes further than a bit of not helping at the weekends....

Nailitorelse Sat 02-Jul-11 10:45:48

Why are there two identical threads?!
As I said on the other one..."Know your place woman....and don't bother voting either!"

purepurple Sat 02-Jul-11 10:49:14

Does he know that men who do more housework get more sex?

jimswifein1964 Sat 02-Jul-11 11:00:08

At the risk of getting flamed, I can kind of see his point! - in that, he probably doesnt see the mess in the same light as you, IYSWIM. My Dh just genuinely cant see how bad the mess is getting! And when it comes down to it, wouldnt we all rather avoid housework if we think its at all possible?
I also think he is helping - he does things like bedtimes. On the other hand, its not a very long working day, 640-515 out of the house is shorter than dh has to do (530am-6pm or 11am-11pm), so there's nr reason wht he couldnt do stuff at the weekends.
I think you're just in 'that phase' of having little kids, where its hard, but each of you think the other person has it better!

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