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To find this very sad and have lost all respect.

(28 Posts)
yearningforthesun Fri 01-Jul-11 21:30:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unpa1dcar3r Fri 01-Jul-11 21:33:26

Well she's not getting paid for helping out so i'd be inclined to tell him to shove it up his big pompous arse.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 01-Jul-11 21:34:26

YABU.. I'm impressed the headteacher let such a severely ill child participate in their primary school in the first place. It's a big responsibility. If the head felt that responsibility was becoming too much to handle, they're entitled to back out of the deal.

33goingon64 Fri 01-Jul-11 21:37:06

Can this girl do a talk in assembly about how horrendous it is to have an eating disorder? Would be educational for the little ones and the Principal would hopefully be shamed into an apology...

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Fri 01-Jul-11 21:42:24

Seriously Cogito? So not only should this girl has to deal with an eating disorder, she should also be excluded from things her peers are doing and become further isolated, and miss out on valuable experience that may helo her have a job and a normal life when she has hopefully recovered? OP YANBU. Many children of secondary school age go home for lunch for lots of reasons, taking medication for instance. So if this girl was diabetic and had to go home to take her insulin, would you say the same thing Cogito?

AgentZigzag Fri 01-Jul-11 21:53:31

Sounds like the HT was having a shitty day, unless you know they're like that all the time.

I can't see any reason to be offended at the mum ringing, and I presume the DC with the eating disorder would be gaining valuable confidence from their experience, so if the HT knew this they're being really OTT telling the school not to send her again.

How do you know about what the HT said? If they said it to you, how did you react? And if you're saying about how the DC feels tonight, how did she find out?

fit2drop Fri 01-Jul-11 21:54:59

cogito, the child has a serious eating disorder. This does not mean she IS seriously ill. Her eating disorder is being managed and monitored by her parents, hence the 'need to be home at tea time' She has obviously got a structured routine which will be part of her care plan.
The headteacher would have been aware of this as he had obviously agreed to this before her placement commence.
To make a big deal of it or to say she cannot return is highly destructive to the girls recovery. He work placement would be a positive productive part of her day, the head is being a shit! He is being a bigot and a twat.
It is detrimental to her mental health (therfore her illness) to be made to feel different and to be singled out almost as an example of what happens (ie get the sack) if you are ill and need special procedures put in place .

Yep heads a twat

OP no you ANBU

suzikettles Fri 01-Jul-11 22:01:57


I had a friend who had a severe eating disorder at around the same age. She tried not to let it interfere too much with her life and also loved young children and hoped to work with them one day - I could easily have imagined her being in the same situation as this girl, and how crushed she would have been to have the volunteer placement taken away for something that was outside her control.

I can't see how this could possibly be seen to inconvenience the school. I hope they reconsider.

Sadly my friend did not survive. She died when she was 20 having fought her condition with great courage for 4 years. Her eating disorder was as serious and pernicious as cancer or diabetes. I should imagine the headteacher would be more accommodating in these circumstances though hmm

Omigawd Fri 01-Jul-11 22:10:13

Do any of you self righteous lot have any clue how much work a headmaster has on his or her plate? His responsibility is to his own school and students first, not to be a social service.

I'm sure you'd all be the first to complain if he dropped some ball with his own students!

suzikettles Fri 01-Jul-11 22:15:39

If the school has secondary school children on work placement/volunteering then they will be supervised/will have someone to report to. Are you seriously suggesting that this won't be the case?

So a word with the person supervising - "make sure x leave by 4.30". Job done.

No-one is asking the head to escort her home ffs.

AgentZigzag Fri 01-Jul-11 22:16:22

But if they accepted the DC knowing what difficulties they might bring with them omigawd, then their mum just ringing once for something important shouldn't be a 'sackable' offence.

They might have a lot on their plate, but the potential consequences to the DC exceed the time and effort to take the phone call.

And I didn't think I was being self righteous <<needy/whiny grin>>

Maryz Fri 01-Jul-11 22:19:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpsoon Fri 01-Jul-11 22:48:48

OP i dont think you are being unreasonable per se , but try to remember you are dealing with a person with an eating disorder here . You say she got busy with something and therefore 'forgot' to go home at the specified time ,so busy she wasnt just a few minutes late ,but so late her concerned parent felt it necessary to ring school . Sounds like a classic avoidance technique to me , so not a child in recovery ,but one in the full blown grip of an awful condition/disease/disorder (deplete as appilicable). Does the headteacher feel able to deal with a person who is this ill ? what were they told before the placement began ?
I do really feel very sorry for the girl ,but you have to remember how fantastically manipulativ people are when in the grip of anorexia .

Omigawd Fri 01-Jul-11 22:51:27

No head is likely to have kicked off if it was that simple, I'm pretty sure there is more to it.

MyCatHasStaff Fri 01-Jul-11 23:00:00

YANBU. Schools have a duty of pastoral care, and I suspect one of the reasons she was placed in a school was in the hope that she would be working with people open to understanding her needs and sympathetic to them - more so perhaps than a 'corporate' environment. He sounds like he was on a bit of an ego-trip.

Sirzy Fri 01-Jul-11 23:04:41

We don't know enough to judge IMO. What had the head been told about her condition and treatment beforehand? What was expected of the school? What support was being given by the secondary school? Was the going home to eat medical advice or her parents way of trying to control things?

To many ifs buts and maybes to even begin to guess what happened.

bumpsoon Fri 01-Jul-11 23:09:16

To be fair 'her needs' are to go home at a set time and eat . I appreciate that teens arent generally the worlds best time keepers , but this scenario still smacks of avoidance to me .

bumpsoon Fri 01-Jul-11 23:12:38

Op do you know what the conversation was between the Head and the parent ? If the parent kicked off ,i can imagine the Head feeling aggrieved .

fit2drop Fri 01-Jul-11 23:12:42


I frequently have to work with students who are on a placement, (and yes I am very busy , just as busy (would not be so arrogant to say more busy) but heads do not have the monopoly on work load or responsibility) Each and everyone of the students comes with different needs. We have to do a risk assessment. It is a legality if the student is under 17 that a risk assessment is done before onset of placement .
So this would have been done before the girl started and as I said earlier procedures would have been put in place. One was that she needed to be home for set meal times.
Even if she was being manipulative and "forgot" it would still have been up to the superviser to make sure she left on time. No they cannot be responsible if the child did not go home once they had made sure she had left for home. However OP states that she "got busy with something" presumably this was at the school. The school in fact are guilty of not sticking to duty of care .
The head is being ridiculous and obviously deems his time far too precious to be concerned about people who offer services free to take the load off his already overworked staff.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Fri 01-Jul-11 23:15:52

Just as a parallel, I have been doing some work experience/shadowing as an "adult" today. I have a 6 month old at home and they "accomodated" me in letting me ring home at lunchtime and allowing me to go home a bit early etc to beat the traffic (at their suggestion). They didn't have to do it, but it is no skin off their nose and is just being nice and supportive. I hope this head is a bit more tolerant of children at his school with special needs. After all this girl is still a child, a teenager of secondary school age yes, but a child all the same.

Sirzy Fri 01-Jul-11 23:18:11

Fit2drop. You are making a lot of assumptions of what the school was aware about before she started. The op says the girl is open about it and the parents insist she goes home at set times. Nowhere does she mention the information the school had before hand or the background to it at all.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty Fri 01-Jul-11 23:20:04

Who cares? Whether the school knew beforehand or not, why would anyone get funny about a girl with an eating disorder going home for lunch, under any circumstances, and threaten to exclude her because of it? Jeez!

CQrrrneee Fri 01-Jul-11 23:24:34

I wonder if he'd have been as negative if the parents had rung because she'd forgotten to take medication
horrible man

bumpsoon Fri 01-Jul-11 23:30:36

I think we need to remember that an eating disorder can be a life threatening condition . The parents know this and so may have reacted angrily to the Head , who in turn may have been up to their armpits in paperwork/beurracracy/shite. If you feel strongly about the situation , perhaps you could offer to mentor the girl while she is in school and take responsibility for when she goes home ?

CQrrrneee Fri 01-Jul-11 23:32:54

What difference did one phone call make to the head. How petty.

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