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To have just realised this about being a working mum/working couple

(130 Posts)
MrsKravitz Thu 30-Jun-11 17:17:47

We are SO ripped off.

Talking with some colleagues at lunch today and we got around to taling about cooking. We were all discussing what we were having for the evening meal when one of the girls asked a male colleague if he cooks.
He looked blankly at us , then grinned and just said "I would but my dinner is always cooked and ready for me when i get home".

I do EXACTLY the same job as this guy. I have to use all my leave for child care and when one of the kids is sick (sometimes dh does but he is self employed so doesnt have leave as such), I get home, put my bag down and cook dinner, clean the house, do homework, bed, reading in bed, get ready for next day, then work a bit. He goes away for working weekends and conferences. I stay and look after my family while dh works on the weekend.

It was like some bizarre and somewhat late realisation. I think its been late coming because I hadnt worked with a man who was exactly in the same job role and level as me before. or I am a bit slow off the mark

I cant even imagine doing what I do now at work and then just walking in to a clean house,have my dinner cooked, kids sorted and just "relax" for the evening.

I want a sahwife.

SuePurblybilt Thu 30-Jun-11 17:20:56

I'd like to be a SAHwife. Marry me?

MrsKravitz Thu 30-Jun-11 17:21:50

Can you open jars?

thefurryone Thu 30-Jun-11 17:23:33

You no doubt have a larger household income than him, spend some of it on a cleaner.

LRDTheFeministNutcase Thu 30-Jun-11 17:25:39

Why does she 'no doubt' have a larger household income? confused

Women sometimes actually earn more than men, you know. It doesn't follow that the OP must have a DH earning more than her male colleague's wife earns.

catgirl1976 Thu 30-Jun-11 17:25:40

I always say I need a wife - totally feel your pain

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Thu 30-Jun-11 17:26:20

Ohhh I'd love a wife!

LittleLH Thu 30-Jun-11 17:27:21

Can't your husband help out with some of the housework? Have you asked him?

bubblecoral Thu 30-Jun-11 17:27:45

Does he financially support his wife though? Do they have children?

WineAndPizza Thu 30-Jun-11 17:28:12

I think thefurryone is assuming the man's wife doesn't work if he comes home to a cooked dinner and therefore if OP's DH does, they probably have more money.

squishysquashy Thu 30-Jun-11 17:28:15

I have a SAHhusband. No dinner, no cleaning, and no money for a cleaner. On the other hand when I was on maternity leave I didn't clean or cook (during the day) either. We are as bad as each other. I want a SAHrobot.

aliceliddell Thu 30-Jun-11 17:28:56

So next time someone asks 'Why are there no women artists/judges/Mps/scientists blah blah', we're all going to quote this post.

PPPop Thu 30-Jun-11 17:29:04

I do a lot of the ironing ( except shirts, which dh has to do), general tidying and mostly Pick ups, bath time etc. I do have a cleaner though and I don't cook. Dh does the cooking otherwise it would be toast or pizza if it was left up to me and he likes home cooked food, so he does it. I'm still exhausted though! Dh moans sometimes that none of his colleagues have to cook, but they have au pairs or wives that don't work, as I like to point out. I do think I do more than my fair share, but there is a perception that as I work part time I am obviously lounging around on my days 'off' hmm

mrskravitz Thu 30-Jun-11 17:29:05

Its not about my dh not working. Its about how lovely man who have a wife who is a sahm must have it.

mrskravitz Thu 30-Jun-11 17:29:22

helping I mean

LRDTheFeministNutcase Thu 30-Jun-11 17:30:08

Ah, see what you mean wine.

I'm just jaded from my dear mum crabbing at me to never let poor, overworked DH not come home to a fresh-cooked meal .... though I bring in more money than he does ...

DonnaNoble Thu 30-Jun-11 17:30:41

YANBU. Exactly the same here. I always say I need a wife. I have the same amount of shopping/cleaning/cooking/sorting/tidying etc etc as if I were a SAHM and less time to do it in.

worraliberty Thu 30-Jun-11 17:32:13

I don't get your OP really.

So this guy has a SAHW or one who works part time and she cooks his dinner?

Lots of working women have SAHH's or DH's who work part time and cook their dinners too.

It's not about being male or female, it's about equal partnerships.

Scheherezadea Thu 30-Jun-11 17:32:22

LRD - because she has two incomes, whereas he has 1?

mrskravitz Thu 30-Jun-11 17:33:24

You never know, she could have some money behind her. Anyway does the income matter? confused

LRDTheFeministNutcase Thu 30-Jun-11 17:34:35

Sche - the point I was trying to make was that this man's wife might be earning money and cooking his dinner. It's not hugely unusual, if MN AIBUs are anything to go by.

catgirl1976 Thu 30-Jun-11 17:39:21

I work in a very demanding job. My DH doesn't work. Financially thats no problem as I earn a stupid amount of money but I do all cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, ironing, put the bins out, run the finances, do all the buthousehold admin, book the holidays, look after the horses. And I am pregnant. I did have help but as he is currently not working he felt uncomfortable with other people in the house so they went. To be fair I don't drive so he does drive me around evenings and weekends but that is it really. A wife would be nice!

gethelp Thu 30-Jun-11 17:42:26

For what its worth you don't need strength to get jar lids off - give the edge of the lid a whack/sharp tap on the worktop and it opens easily.
And coming home to a meal/tidy house/kind word is everyones dream isn't it?

worraliberty Thu 30-Jun-11 17:44:06

I think if someone invented a vibrator that removed lids from jars, caught spiders and put the rubbish out...they'd be quids in grin

belgo Thu 30-Jun-11 17:45:00

Catgirl - what does your dh do? I've seen this scenario before - the wife working full time, the husband supposedly a SAHD but still it's the wife who does everything in the house.

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