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To think when going out for a meal, you could put some effort into what you wear?

(30 Posts)
Smugz Thu 30-Jun-11 15:13:45

DH and I getting ready to go out for a meal. I get dressed up to an extent, nice dress, new shoes, make-up, bit of jewelery etc. Come downstairs to find DH dressed in old jeans and slazenger grey hoody that he got for £5 from the discount sports shop along with old trainers. I ask why he isn't get ready, he is confused and says he IS ready. Same clothes he'd had on all day. No aftershave or anything.

Apparantly people don't "get dressed up anymore" but when we're in there, he's the only bloke without a shirt on!!

AIBU to think his lack of effort is a reflection on his lack of respect for me?

razzlebathbone Thu 30-Jun-11 15:17:07

Hard to say without a bit more context and information re. the occasion and your husband.

theworldisoutthere Thu 30-Jun-11 15:33:04

I'd say it depends on the occasion/restaurant to be honest. Normally I wouldn't dress up to go to a restaurant but a) the restaurants round here aren't particularly fancy and b) if it's a special occassion I will.

Can you give us more info?

bubblecoral Thu 30-Jun-11 15:34:18

It depends where you were going. If it's the local pizza hut, YABU.

Thefoxsbrush Thu 30-Jun-11 15:34:31

I always expect hubby (and he always does) to make a bit of an effort when we go out - eg he has shower, puts on nice aftershave, nice clothes and shoes. I think it's nice to make an effort when u go out. Esp if it's a rare occurrence

Riveninside Thu 30-Jun-11 15:35:43

Does he have posh clothes?

Punkatheart Thu 30-Jun-11 15:35:55

Is he good-looking? Those sort of men can get away with it!

ashamedandconfused Thu 30-Jun-11 15:37:13

well, there's more than one way of looking at this......

i would feel, as you did, that if I were making the effort, so should he - especially if a special occasion, rather than just a spur of the moment lets eat out tonight thing

however, he might just feel comfy with being himself with you and not feel the need to do himself up or maybe he can't be bothered, maybe he did not want to try and get it wrong

only you know DPs and your history on this

sparkle12mar08 Thu 30-Jun-11 16:07:56

At the very least I'd expect a shower and a clean top. Preferably a casual cotton shirt, but not a t-shirt, and trousers. Jeans at a push in a very informal place, but not if in a proper restaurant. He's a slob and yes, disrespectful.

Riveninside Thu 30-Jun-11 16:09:29

Does he own posh clothes? Dh has only jeans, all with holes in, work shirts and manky t shirts.

TrilllianAstra Thu 30-Jun-11 16:10:30

If you are going out with someone who cares about what you are wearing then it is polite to make an effort.

SuePurblybilt Thu 30-Jun-11 16:15:08

I can forgive an awful lot of scruffy on a good looking man. In fact I think I prefer it.
Got to be clean though. Din't he shower?

Smugz Thu 30-Jun-11 16:15:23

The resteraunt isn't super posh but it is a candle lit, waiters in uniforms kind of place, not exactly a bacon and egg sarnie cafe type place.

The thing is this isn't the first time its happened. The first time I made it clear I was disapointed with his lack of effort, especially as it was a planned night out and I'd made an effort to look nice. He seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable when we got there when he realised how scruffy he looked compared to everyone else so I assumed I'd made my point but the second time he did exactly the same thing but instead of the hoody, he wore an old adidas t-shirt.

I'm not asking him to suit up, just a decent pair of smart jeans and a shirt would do. He does have nice shirts, he just can't be arsed to make the effort. I wonder if he'd make the effort if he was with anyone else. I do take it personally tbh.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 30-Jun-11 16:17:59

He's going to feel like a tool if it's a smart restaurant and you're in a frock. Is he cutting off his nose to spite his face about something? Does he resent having to go to places where he isn't comfortable, perhaps?

supergreenuk Thu 30-Jun-11 16:20:40

We don't go out much but even sometimes I can't be bothered to dress up. I think you have to be on the same page. Maybe next time say "shall we make an effort tonight?" or " I can't be bothered let's go skanky" You have to ensure you both have the same expectations. To be honest most blokes are the same.

thebestisyettocome Thu 30-Jun-11 16:28:26

I think a lot of men would dress like this if they thought they could get away with it. Simple answer is for you to dress like a bag lady next time you go out. He'll soon get the message grin

girlywhirly Thu 30-Jun-11 17:43:55

I tend to see this a lot on holiday abroad, all the ladies dress up and put on bling and do their hair and make-up; the guys all get a quick shower and dress as if they've come straight from the beach! It actually upsets my DH that these men seem to have no respect for the ladies they accompany to restaurants, or the restaurant owners or staff.

You don't have to spend a lot to look decent, although you do need the motivation to hunt out the bargains. I'm wondering if Your DH is depressed, Smugz, lack of interest in his appearance/grooming/personal hygiene etc can be an indication. Would he rather have takeaway at home than go out and have everyone looking at him, making him feel uncomfortable and possibly anxious?

OTheHugeManatee Thu 30-Jun-11 17:52:09

It depends. If it's our local and we just can't be bothered to cook, then no - I'll go in whatever I'm wearing. If it's somewhere naice and a special occasion, then I'll definitely make an effort as will DP.

It sounds as though this is more about feeling cross that your H doesn't seem to want to make the effort for a special occasion with you, than about dressing up for restaurants per se.

DrCoconut Thu 30-Jun-11 17:57:33

OMG Smugz, we're married to the same bloke! grin But seriously, our baby's christening is soon and it will be hard to persuade him that tracky bottoms and a manky T shirt won't do! He has no shame about appearance and wouldn't even notice let alone care even if everyone else was in a tuxedo when he got there! But on the plus side he never comments or pressures me about how I look. I can slob out in my comfy stuff if I like and he's not bothered, not that I do regularly because I like to look nice. Dress sense just doesn't matter to him I'm afraid. But otherwise he's lovely so there are a lot worse things I could be complaining about.

Fimbo Thu 30-Jun-11 18:02:40

My dh is the same. He has this skanky pair of shorts that he has had for years and will wear them anywhere. I get so bloody cross.

CurrySpice Thu 30-Jun-11 18:02:54

I struggle to understand why it's so much of an effort to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. I also cannot understand why so many people seem proud of being scruffy / having no smart clothes. I think they must think it makes them all "alternative" and down with the kids.

newnamenickname Thu 30-Jun-11 18:09:31

My DH is the same, he often wears some trainers (now about 10 years old -but so comfyhmm) and jeans, and maybe a hoody/ t-shirt.

I'll sometimes say 'Are you going like that - do you want to put some decent clothes on?' and maybe he'll change into jeans and a shirt and casual non trainer shoes.

I don't mind- I don't take it personally.

EdnaKrabappel Thu 30-Jun-11 18:15:02

YANBU, I agree he should have changed and put on a shirt. Mind you it could be worse - I went out for a meal at a decent restaurant recently where all the customers had made some effort, bar one man who was dining in his vest.

CurrySpice Thu 30-Jun-11 18:35:35

Edna was it Stan Ogden? shock

EdnaKrabappel Thu 30-Jun-11 18:48:11

grin CurrySpice. He was in a group of people, and they all looked mighty embarrassed to be with him. I heard someone ask the manager why they didn't have a dress code ... I bet they do now!

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