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(25 Posts)
lilymty Thu 30-Jun-11 15:07:38

is a good friendship being able to tell your friends everything. would you be mad if you found out that your best friends was telling people big new and had not told you. should you tell your best friends everything or should you keep somethings separate.

tazmin Thu 30-Jun-11 15:11:28

after the age of 12 i dont think it matters smile

MorticiaAddams Thu 30-Jun-11 15:17:06

I'm not sure what the AIBU but I have different friendships with different people and would presume they did the same. I don't tell anybody everything, I get a kick out of knowing something that nobody else does.

Crosshair Thu 30-Jun-11 15:41:11

My dp is my best friend.blush Dont share much at all with other friends, never have.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 30-Jun-11 15:47:31

Why would anyone want to tell something everything???? I am 40 so dont have a "best friend"!!

Crosshair Thu 30-Jun-11 15:51:46

Want to be my best friend Betty? I can put dp on the back burner.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 30-Jun-11 15:54:21

Oooh, need to know more about you very choosy wink

But hey, if you want a 40 going on 20 yr old mad blonde woman from Essex as your new BFF I'm game...........keep DP in reserve though smile

Crosshair Thu 30-Jun-11 15:56:19

We can be besties for life!

BooyHoo Thu 30-Jun-11 15:56:26

nobody knows everything about me. my mind is the only place i have that nobody has access to and i plan to keep it that way. is tehre really a necessity to share every thought with someone? best friend or not?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 30-Jun-11 15:59:08

Yipppeeee - I could do with a nice bestie !!

cat64 Thu 30-Jun-11 16:24:44

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Oblomov Thu 30-Jun-11 16:34:12

Well, I am totally different then. to you all. I have a best friend. and close friends.
I do crave closeness. And I want someone to feel that they can tell me anything.
I beleive sharing personal info, creates closeness. I think I am a good listneer, and can give a sympatheric hug.
I have a mum friend, she pops round for coffee, often and we walk the school run together. We laugh. and I tell her all the shit thats going on in my life. Then I found out that her husband, who my dh goes for an occassional beer with, and we had them round for occasional bbq, he has been depressed for a long time and has lost his job. And she didn't tell me, for ages.
And that made me a bit sad.
And of course we are still good friends. But it made me realise that she doesn't crave the same intimacy that I do.
And I decided that I guess I need to find new friends. Friends who want the closeness that I do.
God knows where/if i will find them.

cat64 Thu 30-Jun-11 16:39:27

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Oblomov Thu 30-Jun-11 16:57:10

WEll, I have 2 closer friends. My best friend. she lives in devon. we met at uni. so thats been nearly 20 years. and at the weekend, one of my friends from school came to stay.
other thna that I have veyr limited chat int he playground. But thta particular mum, she lives next street, I thought we had become very good friends. more thna just school mums. school mums are normally just acquaintances, right. a few monrings and a few titbits, but not mcuh more. saying thta many of the mums in our playground go campoing together etc and have aparties where they invite eachother as couples/ families etc. They invited us, to stay with them at new year, the last 2 years.

Crosshair Thu 30-Jun-11 17:00:37

You both sound like good friends, some people just arnt big on sharing. smile

Oblomov Thu 30-Jun-11 17:01:09

sorry, posted by accident , without correcting. now you see how bad my real typing is.

Crosshair Thu 30-Jun-11 17:02:20

grin I didnt even notice till you pointed it out.

Oblomov Thu 30-Jun-11 17:04:22

we are. I know that crosshair.
I think it is very hard to find a friend who likes sharing intimate things, as much as I do.
My best friend and I can tell eachother anything. we don't talk now as much as we did in the olden days, but we are both busy. and my school friend. I haven't seen her for 4 months. when i did, its like yesterday.

spookshowangel Thu 30-Jun-11 18:32:25

i have really close friends that tell me every thing and really close friends that dont. some people are more private than others it doesnt mean you are not still really good friend or not close just that person does not need to tell you everything to feel that closeness.

joric Thu 30-Jun-11 20:04:05

I have often thought that the friends I have who live nearby know next to nothing about me - they know trivial day to day stuff but not much more- I think we let people know what we want them to know. My 'best' friends live far and wide and we see each other seldom but when we do we have just as much in common as ever- they all know different things about me depending on how we met and what we have in common. I wouldn't be sad if my friends didn't let me in on their entire life because I never have. I don't like people telling me absolutely every thought or event either especially people who are acquaintances. smile

Oblomov Thu 30-Jun-11 20:37:45

o.k., so how do you move from acquaintance to friend, to close friend ? whats the difference? what is closeness based on ? am intrigued as to a close friend who doesn't tell you very much. so whats the defintion of close? what makes a friend close, for you? maybe this is where i am getting it wrong/ misunderstanding.

joric Thu 30-Jun-11 20:58:08

Acquaintance to friend ... Time, shared history, shared interests, family connections, shared sense of humour. I talk non stop to friends and aquaintances but wouldn't break confidences so don't tell people everything - also a lot of what I think stays in my head - which is the best place for it!

joric Thu 30-Jun-11 20:59:33

Friend to close friend - with me it's all of the above + trust - I tell talk a bit more about things that matter.

Hullygully Thu 30-Jun-11 21:01:21

You can only tell people "everything" if you don't mind others knowing. No one, but no one, can keep a secret.

cat64 Thu 30-Jun-11 23:48:09

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