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witnessing child abuse, what to do.

(2 Posts)
ScandinavianAupair Thu 30-Jun-11 03:31:20

I have cross osted this from adoptions as i really need help on this and am not sure what to do or where best to post it, sorry.

I am gay, i know that gay adoption is hard, i know people may have bad ideas of it... but i also know how it works i need experiance with kids, i love kids, and so at the begginning of this year i became an aupair. im a brit living in sweden.

My first placement in sweden was the most amaising time of my life, but the second was less so. In fact the second Aupair job was more of a disaster that was shocking for me.

My second job was in Finland, The family i chose happened to be a gay couple, and as a gay woman I thought it may be a way to score extra bonus points with the adoption agencies in the uk and sweden.
What i saw from the moment i walked through the door was shocking, I saw a chainsaw with no guards where a 4 year old could grab it. I saw knifes placed on a high shelf in a very busy area -it concerned me as if the 4 year old banged into it they could be easy killed by the falling knifes. I also saw a house that was FILTHY at least a cm of dog hair, old mouldy food, spilled juice, and dog excriment on the kitchin floor where the 4 year old was playing. I also witnessed there inability to hold children in a respectful way, they held the baby over the sink while changing her and refused to use a changing mat or to support her head fully - i even saw the kids legs go purple and blue as a result of the parents refusal to use a changing mat.
The garden was not safe at all, there was a steep bank that was not fenced off so the four year old could easy fall down it and hurt themselfs.
They had mixed up the dvds so there where adult dvds with childrens dvds.

They had a building site which was unsafe and open to children - they where doing up the attic and the stairs they where fitting had a loose step on top, which means that the four year old could easy fall through and break its neck.
They had an aversion to cleaning "i want to spend more time with the children"
the baby - who is 2 months old stopped breathing after they where sick
I spent the last few days crying out of dispair i simply dont know what to do. I have reported them to the social services in Finland but cant do more....
I am feeling both shocked, confused, and ashamed at myself for leaving them alone with these people.. i am 22 they are 32 and yet it seams i have more of an idea how to care for kids.
When i was leaving they said "you'll never make a good parent."
which cuts me really deep. i want to show an example of how frustraighting they where when handing the baby to them i said "have you got her head?" and the birth mum said "dont you dare f<???/)ing tell me how to raise my children!!"
Im now homeless and without work, i got back to stockholm on tuesday morning via ferry.
sorry for misspelling words i happen to be dyslexic.
i want to know what i can do to help the kids further? i left after 3 days arrived friday left on monday after midsommer

coansha Thu 30-Jun-11 07:12:59

that is just tragic, I am sure it must have appalled you and think sadly in this world some people have no idea whatsoever of how to be a parent.
I have 2 dd's, I dont always get it right but for the love of Christ some people should be shot.
Poor you seeing that and having insults thrown in your face for speaking the truth, I applaud you for trying but some times due to circumstances you cannot pursue all the way.
You need to give your self some time off to get over this horrific episode and get back to your family & friends if possible and get some support.
It must leave you with nightmares, but you are obviously are very caring person and it sounds like you will make a fabulous mum, so make the difference by loving your adopted child and educating them to how we should treat each.
I hope your adoption goes well and you get a child and nurture, inspire and love them.
best of luck.

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