To be angry at DS's nursery not noticing another child biting him - 3 times?!?

[ChunkyMonkeyMother]

I don't know if I am over-reacting or am well within my rights to be furious;

I got a phone call today in work to let me know that my 22mo DS had been sat reading a book with one of his "friends" when he had started to wimper, on closer inspection she noticed that his top was wet and when she checked she found THREE bite marks on his upper arm. She says to me "They haven't really left a mark but I just thought I ought to let you know, he cried a little bit but not much, he's calmed down now" So I try not to bite her fucking head off enquire how it is that someone has bitten him three times without anybody noticing and she doesn't really give me a straight answer but kind of "uhmms" and "ahhs" and finishes by saying "Well your DS is always so well behaved and quiet he doesn't make much fuss" - No so you just go ahead and leave him to get eaten alive by these gobshites other kids?

Cut to 7 o clock, bath time - I get DS undressed and notice 2 MASSIVE bite marks on his upper arm - Very red and bruised, sore to the touch, I can pretty much make out every tooth that child has in their head!

Don't really know what to do - Am sick of whinging about the bloody place - Don't get me wrong, I know full well that kids bite, my darling zombie child son went through a stage of biting - its the staff I'm angry with, how could they not have noticed he was being bitten - I don't for one minute believe that he didn't cry, he is a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain and that must have seriously stung!

I feel stuck now, the only other nurseries locally are all full up and the 3 childminders (just to see if the grass was greener) I went to see a few weeks ago are also full - I've been into the nursery to talk about my worries previously and they have a sort of nonchelant attitude to everything - What worries me most is that they are expanding and taking on more kids come September - Am I being dramatic when I worry that my DS will end up lost in the crowd because he is a bit on the quiet side?

Or am I just being pathetic?

Sorry this is so long - I felt I needed to get it off my chest

[RitaMorgan]

At 22 months he should be in a ratio of 1 staff member to 3 children so it's pretty poor no one noticed. More understandable in a pre-school room with a 1:8 ratio.

[worraliberty]

It's impossible to keep a close eye on every single child every single minute. Kids (even at this age) can be sneaky enough to bite when they know the adult is distracted...and despite having two bites, they still could have been done in quick succession.

How are they normally with this sort of thing?

[GruffalosGirl]

This happened with our DS, nursery never even noticed. When we put his seat belt on he cried and he had a huge bite on his chest that took about 3 weeks to heal. He'd been bitten unseen two days previously.

I was furious and kicked up a big stink. Like you, it's not the biting, it's the fact he'd been hurt so badly and they hadn't noticed. I mean, he must have cried.

I spoke to the nursery manager and insisted they check the cctv to see the incident and once they realised I wouldn't just forget about it they put a member of staff on him to watch him so he wasn't bitten.

I'd ask the manager of the nursery what they have put in place to ensure it doesn't happen again and put all the responsibility onto them. I wouldn't bother speaking to his key worker or even the room supervisor and I would raise your concerns about the expansion. We stayed with our nursery asthey resolved it well and took it seriously, I would say how they go from here will let you know whether you are happy to keep him there.

[ChunkyMonkeyMother]

They usually bring the small toddlers, babies and older toddlers in together so you end up with about 15 kids running round a room meant for half of that!

I haven't encountered this before but I do worry if it happens more often and they just don't notice it, I'm not asking them to look over him constantly and I realise kids can be sneaky - I do sometimes have to take a step back and remind myself that although he is my baby, he will encounter these things - but I get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes at the thought of him getting hurt ... Does this stop? I mean - I don't want to be crying over every scraped knee over summer etc

[RitaMorgan]

How often are they bringing all the children together? Are they maintaining appropriate ratios during those times?

[ChunkyMonkeyMother]

I feel like if I email the manager it'll be a bit redundant, what can they say other than they'll check it doesn't happen again - I also don't want to cause any friction or have him singled out to be watched over, he is developing well and for most of the time they are a good nursery.

I think they mostly stick to the ratio-rules but I have been in a few times when someone has just "nipped" out of a room full of small kids. But as a rule there is usually enough staff to kids

[lizardqueenie]

Hi chunky

No real experience of this myself but one way that you could go about speaking to them is by asking how they will ensure it doesn't happen again? It might not be realistic to just have some focus on your ds & watch him 24/7 plus it sounds like that's dealing with the result rather than the actual problem. I would definitely email them so they have something formal to reply to & then you could also mention ratios. If you write it in an email/ letter there is no way they can really um & ah their way out of giving you a prose response and then you will be able to see what kid of nursery they are by how they handle it but you'll only know if u give them the chance iyswim.
Hope that helps & your ds feels better soon

[ChunkyMonkeyMother]

I think I'll email them to get something rolling, nothing as angry as I would like to write but something through gritted teeth along the lines of "How will you prevent this from happening in future" - she mentioned that there is a bit of a trend of biting at the moment, perhaps I will just slip that in and ask what they're doing to curb it? Thanks for the advice Ladies - I will email them and then let it go - There isn't really much more I can do

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