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To, Right Now, Not Want To See Mummy Dearest Again?

(5 Posts)
DontCallMePeanut Wed 29-Jun-11 19:20:59

Just got back from a 12 day trip to see my Dparents. Some of you know about the issues I was having earlier in the holiday.

Anyway, wrt the waterpark, I won that battle. But, I can't shake this damn feeling of regret that I'd never noticed how homophobic, racist and sexist they both are. My dad, it seems, will repress these things, but my mum will witter on about them all day long if she gets the chance.

On top of this, over the past 13 days, I've felt like my parenting has come undone. Mum found every available opportunity to pick at DS (not eating something he doesn't like, the occassional tantrum, being too loud, or being a typical toddler and introducing himself as some crazy alter ego) Add to that, his potty training has regressed, after she insisted on me putting him in pull-ups EVERY time we went out. (She didn't want to get embarrassed by him having accidents, and threatened not to go if she didn't get her way)

I know I sound pathetic at the moment, but I feel it. I just want to bloody cry. She's made me feel two feet tall, and made me feel completely inadequate as a parent. How do I put up with this? sad

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 Wed 29-Jun-11 21:10:46

You don't. I wouldn't want my son around rascist people normalising their behaviour, and I don't care who they are, or what generation they came from.

Why expose your son to this?

maristella Wed 29-Jun-11 21:33:13

I can absolutely relate to your post, in fact I wa about to start a post about my DM's attitude towards DS sad

From day 1 I have been told how to parent him, but I have parented him my way and we're doing fine.

DS was due to go to a friend's house tomorrow due to school strikes, but can't due to serious illness within the family. DM said she would have him but launched into one about his behaviour etc hmm DS's behaviour is just fine, until he is with her. She has really high expectations of him, and nags him constantly sad Apparently I must tell him not to complain of boredom, not to want to play on his consoles alot, not to keep asking to go on her laptop, and to talk to her and 'be nice'. He gets tense in her company because she is on his case from the off. I voiced concerns that she seemed so negative about it, and I was not sure; she said it is normal to have to tel lyour child to behave for other people, which I agree with, but with DS I don;t have to apart from with her and I feel like I'm setting him up to fail sad

Rant over! I might cut and paste the above paragraph into a new thread smile

With your DM's controlling attitude, I used to counter my DM's every criticism with 'he's fine', he's not doing anything wrong', we're fine' etc.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 29-Jun-11 21:44:52

Two verses from Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit come to mind:

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you (substitute 'your mother gave you')
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice (Alice is yourself)
When she's ten feet tall

And the other, perhaps more pertinent, verse is:

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards (White Knight is your dad)
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!" (Red Queen is your mum)
Remember what the dormouse said;

It's all in your head but you don't have to take this, or any, experience to heart and allow it to undermine you.

Use it to grow larger and you'll see that it's your parents who are diminishing and growing smaller, and they can only upset you if you let them.

As for their homophobic, racist and sexist views; if they've always had these opinions it's sad but, barring a miraculous conversion, it's inevitable that they'll become more entrenched with age - and it could be that living an ex-pat lifestyle has bought them into contact with those displaced malcontents who moan about 'the natives' etc.

You and your ds will soon be back in your usual routine and, as all things must pass, enjoy your life and feel some compassion for your dps as their lives are most probably as narrow and unenriched as their minds.

Give it time and your ds will have them eating out of his hand, and you'll be able to find some enjoyment in your breaks with them.

DontCallMePeanut Wed 29-Jun-11 23:27:17

Thanks for the kind words. smile I've just been talking to my DSis, who said DM was the same with her, years back when her DC were toddlers. Her words; "Mum never was good with the whole let kids be kids thing". I think she's right.

The racism/homophobia/sexism thing, I have no idea how to cope with that. I'm hoping DS will be blindly ignorant to their views, as I'm often opposed to their views. But then what if he doesn't become ignorant to their views? What if he becomes convinced that they ARE right? Then what?

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