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aibu?! relatives coming to visit and i dont want them to bring their dog...

(87 Posts)
4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:07:08

i know, i know another dog thread....

anyway the jist is this, we have relatives on dp's side who will be visiting in the summer for most of a week, they will come in a caravan but will be at our house EVERYDAY! they insist on bringing their dog (as its their baby..) BUT I AM ALLERGIC TO DOGS!!

I have eczema, asthma and hayfever and the dog sends my skin nuts, i will be itchy, sneezey etc. they insist the dog comes in the house, i have suggested it stays in the garden, or conservatory if its wet, but oh no it has to come in the sitting room and even sit under the table in the dining rm whilst we are eating... it drives me nuts.

apparently iam being unreasonable as allergies are just a 'trendy fad' (have been allergic my whole life!

also the dog is old and 'fragile' and they are very over cautious with regards to my kids touching/stroking/being near it...the boys are very gentle (we have taught them to be kind to animals etc and they are always supervised) but our dd is almost 7mths and may well be crawling by the time they visit (aug) and i just think my allergies, crawling baby and our four other boys, plus the dog equals nightmare!

we wont be able to relax as we will constantly be watching kids/dog and my skin etc will go mad which means i will be uncomfortable and it affects my sleep as i itch so much, so i will end up knackered (well more knackered than usual!)

i want to tell the relatives, yes visit thats fine, but do not bring the dog, but dp doesnt want to upset the relatives.

they regularly leave the dog in kennels to go on holiday btw, so its used to being left, its just that the assume they can bring the dog when they visit us, despite me saying that it affects my allergies etc, apparently i should just take a tablet to stop my itching...if only it were that simple!

so am i being unreasonable to just put my foot down and say whilst we want them to visit, we dont want them to bring the dog?!!

and how to do so tactfully!

TechLovingDad Wed 29-Jun-11 16:08:03

I really don't want to be one of those people who take their dog everywhere.

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 29-Jun-11 16:08:40

"Do not bring your dog to our house."

Would that not work? If not, I suggest you book yourself a week's holiday somewhere else and let your husband deal with them.

4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:09:37

btw i have nothing against dogs, once i left home my parents got a dog and my grandparents and other relatives have them but they never bring them to my house!

if i wasnt allergic we would probably have a dog ourselves!

tazmin Wed 29-Jun-11 16:10:07

what should they do with the dog?

if its old & not well, its not likely to cope very well with being put in kennels

MorticiaAddams Wed 29-Jun-11 16:10:42

YANBU to put your foot down and should have done so a long ago. Either yourself or your dp need to phone them and say you're looking forward to seeing them but if they want to bring the dog then it will have to stay outside due to your allergy.

The next bit is most important... you have to stick to it.

ENormaSnob Wed 29-Jun-11 16:10:51

Yanbu at all.

TechLovingDad Wed 29-Jun-11 16:11:03

I love my dog but wouldn't dream of taking it to others if I was staying there. Hair, slobber, risk of mess and general pain as it won't really know the place and will be loads of hassle. I'd rather pay someone to house / dog sit for me.

Bast Wed 29-Jun-11 16:11:13


I've got dogs. I wouldn't allow them to intrude where they weren't wanted (and your reasons for not wanting them are understandable!).

You've offered some very generous compromises.

4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:11:24

endoplasmic i think they would think i was rather rude if buggered off and also the pet hair/dander would still get in my house, on my sofa, carpets etc, i suffer for WEEKS after they visit with the dog as once my allergies have been triggered it sets of the itch/scratch cycle and it takes a while to get on top if it and calm my skin down, not to mention all the hoovering i have to do!

oranges Wed 29-Jun-11 16:11:34

but she's ALLERGIC to them! On what planet does it not matter that the hostess willbe ill in her own homr because of the dog.

reelingintheyears Wed 29-Jun-11 16:12:06

Of course it's not U to ask them not to bring the dog.

Just tell them 'No,sorry,can't do dogs,they make me ill'.

Why can't it stay in their caravan?

4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:13:18

tazmin they DO regularly put the dog in kennels when they go on holiday, three or four times a year, its used to kennels and they have a specific one that they use and are happy with smile

yes i think we just need to tell them, but i already know the drama and the 'oh its my baby, it doesnt like being left in the caravan, the garden the conservatory etc etc'

reelingintheyears Wed 29-Jun-11 16:13:33

Be blunt and tell them honestly but politely.

No discussion.

4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:14:04

reeling the wont leave it alone in the caravan as it doesnt like it hmm and has a tendency to chew things....

tazmin Wed 29-Jun-11 16:15:07

oh ok, i didnt see that bit

frankly i wouldnt take mine, but i wouldnt pay for them to go in kennels either, so probably wouldnt go.

wineandcheese Wed 29-Jun-11 16:16:04

YANBU. You must tell them - they will understand, surely?!

reelingintheyears Wed 29-Jun-11 16:17:20

Then it's kennels for the doggie again...
Or they don't come.

4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:17:36

from a financial pov they would have no probs paying for the dog to go in kennels, like i said they do so regularly and have lots of holidays etc.

they are visiting as they want to see the children (no kids of their own and they love ours smile )
we do visit them but its hard work driving to theirs and staying with all 5 kids! much easier for them to visit us, just the dog issue...

strandedbear Wed 29-Jun-11 16:17:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4madboys Wed 29-Jun-11 16:18:15

wineandcheese, you would think so wouldnt you!! but no, i am being fussy and allergies are just a trendy fad you know...

reelingintheyears Wed 29-Jun-11 16:19:29

How do you manage with your allergies when you visit them?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Wed 29-Jun-11 16:19:34

YANBU - I wouldnt have anyone bringing a dog round mine unless he could stay in the garden all day and go back to the caravan with them later.

clarinsgirl Wed 29-Jun-11 16:19:56

Just tell them that the dog can't come because it makes you ill. I completely understand that they may not want to put an old dog in kennels, so as responsbile pet owners they'll have to make alternative arrangements or stay at home. Not your problem. YANBU

MaxSchreck Wed 29-Jun-11 16:20:56

They sound very unreasonable.

So, they can leave it in their caravan, in the garden and in the conservatory but that's not enough for them??

I think you will just have to be very, very clear that the dog cannot come into the house.
Does your DP not mind how you will suffer?

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