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To think I can have 3DC + full time work and not go MAD?

(14 Posts)
Hope88 Tue 28-Jun-11 20:32:59

Hi there, I am thinking about having more children but would have to go back to work after maternity leave. At the same time I am worried I might just be taking on too much. I get stressed out when it's too busy. I am not young either. I probably would like to hear from you all brave ladies who have 3 children and work full time. Do you think it's too much. Shall prepare myself to scale down to part time? Can I manage so all children feel fine? Do you worry not being able to support a family of 5 financially? Thank you

MogTheForgetfulCat Tue 28-Jun-11 20:42:17

Well, I am on mat leave with DS3 - will be going back in a few months, but only p-t so not totally qualified to answer your question...

It is a juggle, and I do worry about making sure they all get enough attention. Have a quite stressful but also well-paid job, hence able to do it p-t, which helps - although sometimes feel that p-t is no easier, as end up doing things on days off and it eats into my time with the DC. Always tons of guilt in relation to both kids and work - don't know why, as DC are fine and dandy and I bend over backwards to make sure I pull my weight (and then some) at work. Just the natural female condition (for me, anyway), alas.

Do worry about finances, but would have worried whether we were a family of 4 or 5 - am a worrier by nature! Decided in the end that I would rather have DC3, and juggle (and sometimes drop the balls) and worry about x, y and z, than not have him. Am v happy, albeit frazzled smile

Fennel Tue 28-Jun-11 20:44:16

I have 3 and work full time (at the moment, and sometimes when they were tiny, I vary between full and part time). But dp is usually only 4 days and we both have flexible hours and I can often work from home, so for us it's OK. Really I found it easier being at work than at home with toddlers, a nice little rest, noone yelling, noone needing a nappy change. But that depends on your work.

ScarletOHaHa Tue 28-Jun-11 20:47:07

Working full time and being a full time mum is the hardest thing I have ever done. Only have one but I think if you want to make it work, it will. Things like having a perfect home suffer; there is more to life.

joric Tue 28-Jun-11 21:41:48

Depends how much energy, help, money, support you have I suppose, For example, 3 children + supportive partner, cleaner, relatives round the corner, lots of money, work close to home, good childcare, someone to do school run, someone who does washing/ gardening - would be easier to manage than someone who has non of the above!

joric Tue 28-Jun-11 21:43:01

Also how stressful your job is/ shifts/ nights etc......

redexpat Tue 28-Jun-11 21:46:24

My mum had 3, worked part time and had a cleaning lady. I think cleaning ladies are the way forward.

LaitAuChocolat Tue 28-Jun-11 21:48:57

I'm disorganised, single, stressed and work full time with 4 children. It works because it has to.

joric Tue 28-Jun-11 21:49:29

sad

thatsenough Tue 28-Jun-11 21:52:02

I manage with it 3DSs (22 months, 4 and 6). It isn't easy, but I am able to work some evenings and spread the hours (between 35 and 45 per week) over 6 days.

DH is very helpful; between us we manage to keep the house clean and tidy, provide home cooked meals most days and atttend activites several days each week. My parents help out too when needed, but only for a few hours each week).

The one thing I don't have is any time for myself which I am struggling with at the moment. I would love just an hour or two to go for a walk, swim or read a book, but I really don't see how!

Sinkingfeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 22:10:31

I'm 88% of full time, and have 3 dc. I mostly manage to juggle things quite well because all the dc are primary-aged, so I'm not juggling nursery and school runs, I have a cleaner 3 hours a week, but mostly because I have a very hands-on dh who is employed three days a week and self-employed the other two (plus some hours in the evening/weekend). I do a lot of voluntary stuff as well, so it's definitely possible with the right support in place. Like thatsenough I struggle with time for myself though.

WhoAteMySnickers Tue 28-Jun-11 22:14:22

After 7 years of working full time with just one child I'm reducing my hours and will be doing just 3 days a week.

Something had to give and for me it is work.

I guess whether you can manage to stay sane will depend a lot whether you are very career focussed, whether you get a lot of job satisfaction, how much you actually enjoy your work, are your full time hours flexible, coupled with how organized you are at home and how much help you get from your DH/cleaner/au pair so that it all doesn't become too stressful.

MosEisley Tue 28-Jun-11 22:14:28

I guess it depends on you, your job, your husband and your children.

It will be hard, for sure, but might be managable.

I have 3 DC and a cleaner and only work 8 hours per week... and I am still knackered most of the time.

Someone told me that 'the problem with having it all is that you have to do it all.' So talk to your DH and find out how much he wants to do?

BillyJoel Tue 28-Jun-11 22:21:03

I work full-time in a stressful job and have done since I had 3DC (now 5, 10 & 12). DP is self-employed and so has time to mind them after school and od anout half an hour of housework a day. Once I am home, I am on - the guilt kicksin about not seeing them till 5.30 and so I am here for them. They doseem to like ignoring me and watching my name is earl these days, but it won't last...

It is very hard and I feel like I am shortchanging all. At the same time, it restricts my work thoughts to the 38 hours that I am there, and then I have lots of other things to think about at home. We have a small house and so I physically see a lot of the kids. Weekends are for them completely as are most nights. They do activities and I don't but I have to accept that the "me time" is on hold. If I do take part in things for myself, I make sure that it is something they can also come along to (PTA that kind of thing).

It does mainly work but I have gone very grey over the last 5 years. I feel that I don't spend enough time helping them with homework, and I am thin on the ground when they need to do different things. No family nearby for support.

Possible, definately, and a pleasure, definately. I don't think my kids feel short-changed and we do lots of nice things together a lot of the time. If only i could get rid of the cooking and eating and washing up.....

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