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To think that there is something odd with this situation?

(67 Posts)
UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:31:55

Namechanging regular here.

I seem to have landed myself in a bit of a situation. Keeping things vague and non-specific, I hope I can explain myself adequately for advice.

I know a woman. We are both involved in a voluntary activity. I don't know her very well, but have met her around 6 times and have chatted for a few minutes during those times. She seems nice.

I didn't see her at our voluntary activity, but then bumped into her at a community event. She asked me to contact her with some details of the activity we do. She didn't have her phone, so asked me to text her partner's phone, which I did. Her Partner replied that he would pass on my details. I thanked him, and thought nothing more of it.

The next day, I got a friendly but slightly over-familiar text from, I thought, the lady. I had forgotten that it was actually the Partner's phone that I had sent my number to. I thought that perhaps she had mistakenly sent the text to me, as it sounded as though she was texting after seeing me the night before, IYSWIM. I didn't respond.

2 days later, I got a text directing me to a social media site, with !!!! after it. Again, I thought it was odd, and mistaken. I didn't respond.

The following day, I got quite a long text from the Partner, identifying himself, and saying that he didn't want me to think he was upset that the woman and I enjoy each other's company so much. He also let me know he is extremely 'laid back'. He told me he had heard lots about me, all good, and couldn't wait to meet me. Obviously, given that I have met the woman about 6 times, and only spoken for about 30 minutes total, I was confused. She is nice, but we haven't spent time together at any point socially. I was having a busy day, so didn't respond.

I then got a text checking if I got the message, to which I simply said 'sorry, didn't reply straight away. Do you have x's mobile no.?' He replied giving the number.

The next day I got a text from the Partner, again, suggesting that he and the woman would love to have me around to share a couple of bottles of wine, and did I like red or white? I didn't know quite what to do, so didn't do anything. I got a follow up text, saying 'Let x know when you are free'.

Today, I have had a message saying that x has told him I didn't get the message, and could I confirm he has the right number!

What do I do? I don't know the lady well. I have never met the guy, yet he is texting me relentlessly. The complication is that I share a small voluntary activity with her. In addition, her child and mine will both be starting at the same school in September, and could even be in the same class!

I wouldn't mind meeting her for coffee once or twice, get to know her, but this situation seems....odd. Why would a guy I've never met be texting me to arrange a social gathering? He hasn't made any mention of my Husband. Wouldn't it be more 'normal' for the lady to be texting me if she wanted a friendship? It all feels a bit wrong.

Crosshair Tue 28-Jun-11 20:34:32

3 way!

Shiregirl Tue 28-Jun-11 20:36:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong Tue 28-Jun-11 20:37:35

I read all of this thinking threesome!

iklboo Tue 28-Jun-11 20:38:21

If you do reply say something like 'DH & I are pretty busy for the next few weeks. DH does this, DH does that'. Keep mentioning DH!

BluddyMoFo Tue 28-Jun-11 20:39:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag Tue 28-Jun-11 20:40:09

I think it's good you haven't text him back.

It does sound really weird to me, he's obviously trying his luck, and if he's doing it with someone he doesn't know and his DP hardly knows, it doesn't sound like a one off thing for him ie he sounds very confident in his manner and must have done it before.

Have you mentioned it to your DH? I think I would just in case it gets out of hand and you have to go to the police.

In that vein, only two unsolicited communications are considered harrassment.

Please don't have any contact with him, even to tell him to back the fuck off, any contact with this man will be taken as permission to carry on his weirdness.

Callisto Tue 28-Jun-11 20:40:33

He is obviously after sex with you, either with his partner or without. I think if you don't want a threesome you need to tell him straight that you are not interested.

TheSnickeringFox Tue 28-Jun-11 20:41:19

Are you sure he knows who he's texting and isn't mistaking you for someone they know better?

garlicnutter Tue 28-Jun-11 20:42:58

I think BluddyMoFo's got it right. Did you not ring or text the woman's phone?

Mind you, she'll be too embarrassed to talk to you now ...

Serenitysutton Tue 28-Jun-11 20:46:17

Reply saying "I'm sorry I think you must have the wrong number? I have only met x recently at x and haven't spoken to her since. I will just see her at x hobby event and we can discuss doing something then" see what he comes back with. Freaky!!

BluddyMoFo Tue 28-Jun-11 20:46:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:46:37

Thanks for replies so far. There were four theories I had come up with:

1) He thinks I am someone else. Except, he is using my Christian name in each text, and his texts make it clear that he is yet to meet me.

2) The woman is playing away, and has used my name as cover, saying she is out with me, when in fact she is out with someone else.

3) The woman isn't playing away, but their relationship is controlling, and I am a good cover to give her a bit of freedom.

4) The man is playing away frequently, and sees me as an opportunity.

It is possible he is mistaken in texting me, I suppose.

If it wasn't for the fact that our children will start school together, I wouldn't be so bothered, but I don't want the lady to think I am off with her, when actually I just don't want to be bothered by the man.

MyCatHasStaff Tue 28-Jun-11 20:49:38

I don't think she's using you as a cover - she asked you to text his phone.

UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:50:02

The thing is, if I text and say 'you've got the wrong person' and he says 'no I haven't', I am cornered into either accepting the invitation or actively saying no. If I accept, I put myself into a position I'm not sure I want to be in. If I actively say no, I am giving the lady who I vaguely know the impression that I don't want to be involved with her, which is awkward if our children are in the same class. And actually, I quite like the lady.

PrinceHumperdink Tue 28-Jun-11 20:50:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:51:08

I did wonder that, Prince. Perhaps her confident manner is a cover, and she is actually incredibly shy. Perhaps he is just trying to engineer a friendship for her.

squeakytoy Tue 28-Jun-11 20:51:42

Have you actually seen this woman in person since?

Maybe she is testing her husbands fidelity and using you as the bait..

MyCatHasStaff Tue 28-Jun-11 20:52:27

What was the social media site he wanted you to go to? Was it something normal, or a bit dodgy wink

UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:52:28

No, I haven't seen her, squeaky.

squeakytoy Tue 28-Jun-11 20:52:29

And as for all the texting... how about ringing him up and actually speaking to him.. it will clear the mix up in a few seconds. smile

Omigawd Tue 28-Jun-11 20:53:14

just txt him and say you don't know what the f8ck he is on about and to stop pestering you

UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:53:37

See, that is the thing. I thought about saying to her 'your partner text me, but not sure if he has the right person', but if they are having 'difficulties' it could be a real can of worms.

I don't want to be involved.

UncomfortableFeeling Tue 28-Jun-11 20:54:41

The social media site was youtube. But that was the whole text. Just 'Youtube!!!!' - I mean what is that????

messymammy Tue 28-Jun-11 20:55:57

weird weird situation....tbh I think I'd keep ignoring his texts, and only reply to the woman if she texts. Definitely sounds like he is out for something.

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