To think that my mum should get rid of her cats as DS is allergic to them and can't visit her

(200 Posts)
numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:04:53

DS (3) is allergic to cats, he can't be in a house where one lives without his face & eyes swelling up. My mum has 2 cats so we can't visit her and I don't like the idea of giving him antihistamine medication so we can visit (DH takes them for hayfever and they make him quite drowsy).

DD goes to stay at her Grandma's house but DS will never get the chance unless she gets rid of her cats. I've asked her whether she would be prepared to and she says perhaps but that she wouldn't be able to find anyone to have them, I get the feeling she doesn't really want to as she is quite happy with things the way they are.

I respect her wishes but can't help feeling sad that DS is going to have no memories of going to visit his Grandma, AIBU?

hester Mon 27-Jun-11 16:05:52

YANBU to be sad. YABU to think she 'should' get rid of them.

A sad situation for you all.

Flisspaps Mon 27-Jun-11 16:06:14

YABU, I am sure he will have lots of other lovely memories of times with his Grandma.

prettyfly1 Mon 27-Jun-11 16:06:40

Afraid I think yabu. I appreciate your son has allergies but if her cats have been with her a long time they are her pets and will be difficult to rehouse - she probably loves them and asking her to get rid so you can come round sometimes is unreasonable.

Lorenz Mon 27-Jun-11 16:07:12

I think she should get rid of them for the sake of her grandson.

It's only a cat. They don't give a shit where they live as long as they're fed etc.


Riveninside Mon 27-Jun-11 16:07:27

Yabu. They are her companions. There are non drowsy antihistamibe tablets you know.

MotherPanda Mon 27-Jun-11 16:07:56

YABU, you can get non drowsy antihistamines - they might even have some especially for children. Ask your pharmacist.

I assume your Mum lives alone? Thats quite a cruel request, considering your DS wouldn't be visiting every day.

nickelbabe Mon 27-Jun-11 16:08:10

yabu to think your mum should get rid of her cats.

can she hoover before you come round and then put the cats in another room, maybe?

tazmin Mon 27-Jun-11 16:08:24

no she shouldnt get rid of them

bubblecoral Mon 27-Jun-11 16:09:42

Yanbu to be sad that your ds can't stay with his Gran, but yabu to think she should get rid of them.

They are her pets, and she has a responsibility to them. I wouldn't want to get rid of my dog in her position, but I would make the effort to spend time with my grandchildren in other ways. I think as long as she is doing that, you can't really complain.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 27-Jun-11 16:09:57

[shoc] YABU, massively.

It's only a cat - well obviously not to the owner! People often really love their pets. Unless you are proposing to give your DS every day as substitute companionship, you can't really expect her to be lonely on a regular basis for periodic visits

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:10:00

She lives 10 mins away so we would visit her all the time. She has tried hoovering but it just doesn't help.

I'm not planning to ask her again, just wanted some opinions really

BabyDubsEverywhere Mon 27-Jun-11 16:10:29


TheOriginalFAB Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:09


You can still help him make memories. There is a whole world out there that the pair of them could discover.

Why should your mother get rid of her pets for the sake of your child visiting once a month or whenever?

minipie Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:42

Yes YABU. The cats were there before DS. To her they are very important, she loves them, and she made a commitment to look after them when she got them. You can't expect her to just "get rid" of them.

It's not like your DS will never see his GM.

Possible solutions: Could your mother keep some rooms cat free (eg living room and one bedroom) so that your DS can visit more easily? Could you investigate non drowsy antihistamines?

altinkum Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopeForTheBest Mon 27-Jun-11 16:13:02

It's unfortunate, but unless you were expecting her to take on childcare for you, I'm sure they will be able to do lots of fun things together anyway, just not in her house.
DS's allergy may lessen as he gets older, the cats will not live forever.

What do you do about friends with cats? Will he never be able to visit certain people because of this?

CMOTdibbler Mon 27-Jun-11 16:13:03

yabvu - theres great non drowsy antihistamines out there, but you could also visit in the garden when popping round

LaurieFairyCake Mon 27-Jun-11 16:13:36

Well if she only lives ten minutes away then she can come to you.

Be honest, you're just pissed off you can't have both of them stay there for babysitting wink

I wouldn't get rid of my cat even if dd was allergic to it.

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:14:13

No he can't go round to some of his friends houses as they have cats sad

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:15:33

Ha! No really it's not about babysitting, he just cries his eyes out when DD goes and he's not allowed

HopeForTheBest Mon 27-Jun-11 16:16:25

I think you should look into non-drowsy antihistamines, as otherwise isn't that going to be extremely limiting? (I'm just thinking of all the people we know with cats, which is loads).

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:17:04


You "don't want" to medicate your child with a standard medcine which has been used by millions for decades just because it may make him sleepy. Clearly YOU'VE made no effort to resolve YOUR problem or you'd know that there are alternative, non-drowsy anti-allergens on the market. Instead you selfishly expect someone else to abandon her pets to solve YOUR problem.

That's fine then, here's the solution to YOUR problem - accept that you can't take your child to Grandma's. Accept too that her cats are a lifetime commitment just as your son is and shouldn't be "got rid of". Sorted.

If you were my relative you'd no longer be welcome anyway.

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:17:08

I'll deffo have a look into them

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 16:18:02

YABVU. I am allergic to my mum's long haired cat. I would never in a million years even tell her how ill he makes me feel at times, let alone ask her to get rid of him. It would break her heart.

Do you hve pets op? They become so much more than 'just an animal', they become your family. It's possible that your ds will outgrow his allergy at some point.

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