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To think that when 'friends' on FB *and* and the same forum takes away honesty and genuine responses?

(38 Posts)
JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 12:52:31

Sorry for long title.

I am an active member of another message forum,many most of us are also FB friends.

Through this,(obviously) we learn a lot more about each other/see pics...and 'know' them a bit better.

When a topic comes up that one of us feels strongly about,there it a status up-date! It is always a topic that has been raised by a non FB friend/forum member.

Cue many responses ...and 'friends' up-dating about how they will sort this out,say this ...give this opinion etc...

I know it goes on all the time here too,I am not part of any MN cliques ...but have watched threads play out here in the same way. BACK-UP etc...wink

I think that once one becomes friends elsewhere,loyalty to the friend(that is now known better) tarnishes real responses and unfortunately gives the op a much harder time.

Or,someone just chimes in to give support not usually caring either way but almost just saying "hi" IYSWIM?

This is not a dig at MN at all,I have seen it here. but I am thinking mainly (however) about the other forum I participate in most. I think that once the invisibility of the poster has been removed the honesty does too!

ShirleyKnot Mon 27-Jun-11 12:54:32

I KNOW, it's disgusting. I make sure that I'm not friends with anyone on the internet precisely because of this issue of the internet over there and that internet over here cannot be the same internet can it?

JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 12:56:47

What do you mean? shirley

SarahBumBarer Mon 27-Jun-11 12:58:52

I think what she means is YABU

RealityIsRoughlyTheSizeOfABoat Mon 27-Jun-11 12:58:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot Mon 27-Jun-11 12:58:58

I dont know

RealityIsRoughlyTheSizeOfABoat Mon 27-Jun-11 13:00:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahBumBarer Mon 27-Jun-11 13:04:24

Oops - should have been a smiley on my previous post!

I know what you mean but it doesn't necessarily take away honesty IMO. I like to think my friends would be honest with me and I tend to use MN/internet forums for a wider set of responses. It does perhaps take away impartiality - sometimes a good thing and sometimes a bad thing.

Most of all though - it's just the way it is. And you can't always say that you get genuine responses from impartiality. I often read an OP and think "hmm there is more to this" but then I don't respond because the MN rule seems to be that you take OP's at face value. I tend to believe three sides to every story. So while I don't entirely disagree with you, I don't think this is necessarily worse than what you get with annonymity.

JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 13:08:48

Good greif...please not that song!

Ok, I also think that if you know more about a posters life,(say their Grandma died last week ..) you are less likely to speak so truthfully when you know more intimate details about them? (and this time you don't agree)

It is just something I see play out a fair bit.

JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 13:10:59

I don't think my title really explained my AIBU?

the posters have to be friends on the same forum plus FB!

wimpybar Mon 27-Jun-11 13:11:19

agree with you in a sense, that's probably why it's more fun to name change and not tell anyone and just get on with posting.

if others want to join the pack mentality i can't see the fun or point of it

tazmin Mon 27-Jun-11 13:18:54

ive found that where forum members go on to be friends in another spin off group, the bitching and backstabbing reaches new heights

BagofHolly Mon 27-Jun-11 13:19:10

YANBU. I'm watching a forum which was once very interesting and informative, eat itself. And the main reason is that once you've got someone on FB, they've got a (narrow) window on your life, access to your relatives, photos etc. And honesty, and the ability to sustain robust debate almost evaporates. MN is a huge site so maybe it's less of an issue.

And the utter lack of anonymity can cause huge problems in the wrong hands. I've seen stalkers, well, stalking, and there's one poster I'm convinced isn't who she says she is at all, and is actually a pervy old goat, getting cheap thrills on other people's lives whilst compiling a dossier of seemingly useless yet personal facts. Scary stuff!

JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 13:23:32


Yes,exactly my point!

I think on MN it is less of an issue -I agree.

Whippoorwhill Mon 27-Jun-11 14:08:30

I do know what you mean. I used to be on a forum which had an invite only, hidden, inner forum. The quite carefully orchestrated responses to some topics and the outright harassment of people who crossed the 'cabal' was deeply unpleasant. Having been invited in, having been deemed worthy, I found my feelings about the forum changed completely once I realised how they operated and I left quite quickly.

Being Facebook friends with a select group from a forum seems to work in a similar way although rather less hidden.

LRDTheFeministNutcase Mon 27-Jun-11 15:31:15

Ah, I think anyone who says they know anyone else is probably lying. Especially Reality. I'm not even that sure she exists outside MN. I like to think we're all controlled on here by about three puppet-masters, one of whom is responsible for the number of times I post about cheese.

PrinceHumperdink Mon 27-Jun-11 15:36:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityIsRoughlyTheSizeOfABoat Mon 27-Jun-11 15:42:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDTheFeministNutcase Mon 27-Jun-11 15:44:08

Suddenly things make a great deal of sense ... could you see your way to puppet-mastering me towards getting off the sofa and doing some work, then?

PrinceHumperdink Mon 27-Jun-11 15:45:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot Mon 27-Jun-11 15:45:50

MY firnd decided there are only 25 people on the intermanet.

Maryz Mon 27-Jun-11 15:52:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB Mon 27-Jun-11 15:59:42


[Glares at Reality]

So it is YOUR fault I am incapable of getting off my backside and doing anything at all these days. You aren't pulling my strings!

RealityIsRoughlyTheSizeOfABoat Mon 27-Jun-11 16:08:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumbwitch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:08:43

I think I see what you're getting at and I think I agree with you - I have a few MN friends on FB and sometimes they post there about something that is kicking off on here, so that other MNers who are on FB pile into the offending thread on here too - sometimes with interesting results.

It's inevitable really though. Too much cross-interaction. And yes, I think I would be more wary about disagreeing openly with someone who I "knew" on both FB and MN, depending perhaps on subject matter so YANBU - it does affect honesty of response - but only in the same way (for me) that I am not completely candid with my RL friends, but ameliorate things I say more to keep things within friendship lines, iyswim.

For e.g. - the thread about the sleb "culture" - I have ranted about the type of people who read the mags that pander to this - but I know a few people who read them and I would be far less rude to their faces about their brain-state, because I know them and it's not polite to tell people directly to their faces that you think they have sluggish brains (and not always true anyway). It's not quite as rude to say it as a generalised, not-aimed-at-anyone statement, IMO. But I could be wrong. grin

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