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In these circumstances, would your dh be worried?

(162 Posts)
DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:40:37

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TechLovingDad Mon 27-Jun-11 09:42:06

If my DW goes out, she usually tells me where but I don't expect her back until she's quite ready. She's free to come and go as she pleases.

Does DH usually give you chapter and verse about his whereabouts?

WriterofDreams Mon 27-Jun-11 09:44:09

Don't you have a mobile? Why didn't he text you? I'm a bit confused TBH, what did he mean by "three hour coffee break?" Is he controlling?

DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:44:15

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PrinceHumperdink Mon 27-Jun-11 09:45:45

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DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:46:26

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RevoltingPeasant Mon 27-Jun-11 09:46:53

Erm, you said you would be back in time to make dinner - you were back three-quarters of an hour before dinner-time - so no, YANBU...?

Yesterday, DP worked off-site as a one-off. He'd left the house before 7am so I hadn't talked to him before he went. I didn't ring him to find out when he was coming home till gone 5pm and only then because I wanted to know what time to make dinner for.

If he goes out for 'a drink or two' with colleagues after work at 5.30pm, I probably wouldn't ring to see where he was till c.9pm or 9.30.

So being out of the house for about 3 hours and getting a 'sense of doom' seems just a little melodramatic? hmm

tazmin Mon 27-Jun-11 09:47:13

he was just worried, no big deal, no cause for hissies and rants

so yes you are being unreasonable

he probably forgot what you said you were doing and thought you had nipped out to sainsbury and when you didnt get back, got anxious

shrugs

DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:47:49

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WriterofDreams Mon 27-Jun-11 09:48:10

A coffee break from what though? Is he your boss?

DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:48:14

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thestringcheeseincident Mon 27-Jun-11 09:48:50

That would be a non starter in our house. DH would just call to see where I was and if all was ok. And vice versa.

let it go.

redskyatnight Mon 27-Jun-11 09:49:35

I think I'd normally give DH an approximate time that I'd be back (and would ring/text him if I changed my mind) - just so it was easier for him to plan around.

I suggest that your DH has probably thought- meeting friend for coffee - say an hour, forgotten to factor in time for travel (or not known where you were going?), and thought that getting the shopping would be a 5 minute job. so in his head he had you back by 4, and when you subsequently weren't back by that time, he forgot about rationalising the time you'd been out and just thought "should have been back at 4, isn't- help panic!"

At least that's what my DH would have done smile

WorzselMummage Mon 27-Jun-11 09:49:53

If DH behaved like that it would freak me the fuck out.

DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:49:58

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CMOTdibbler Mon 27-Jun-11 09:50:01

YANBU - and I wouldn't expect to be phoned/texted when out for 3 hours either. Is he a bit insecure ?

I don't know if DH would react like that, it would depend on the circumstances I think.

Sounds like he hadn't really thought about how long it would take you to do the things you were planning to do, and was perhaps expecting you back earlier because you were shopping for the meal?

LisaD1 Mon 27-Jun-11 09:51:00

My DH would not have reacted like that but that is because he is used to the fact that I come and go when I'm ready, same as he does. If it had got to say 7pm, when my DC normally go to bed, and he hadn't heard from me then I expect he would have called or text as it would be out of character for me to miss bedtime without prior warning.

Is it possible he just didn't listen when you told him you were doing the shopping as well? I'm not sure why he annoyed you with his comment. Did he say it in a snidey way? If DH had been panicked because he thought I was late, it wouldn't annoy me. But then he would have called/texted if he was concerned.

DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:52:45

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ScrambledSmegs Mon 27-Jun-11 09:54:59

YANBU. He sounds like a drama queen, especially with the 'doom' comment. Did he press his hand to his fevered brow too?

DrGruntFotter Mon 27-Jun-11 09:55:42

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spookshowangel Mon 27-Jun-11 09:56:05

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm very very odd my dear.

ShatnersBassoon Mon 27-Jun-11 09:56:40

I definitely wouldn't be irritated with my husband if he had got worried because I was later back than he expected.

Your husband obviously didn't understand what you were doing or how long it would take, and had it in his head that you would have been back far earlier. I don't think he was saying you should have phoned with updates, but that his misunderstanding had made him have a little flap. No big deal.

Piggles Mon 27-Jun-11 09:56:49

If it was my DH I would think he was being very silly to fuss.

If I'd told him I'd be back in time to make us dinner then there is no way that he'd even start to wonder where I was until it was actually dinnertime. If it got past dinnertime then he'd start to worry... worry that he might have to feed himself :D

I would find it quite strange to have to report back to him so he'd know I hadn't fallen under a bus or run away with the circus.

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