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DH shouts at 6 year old DS for silly things

(5 Posts)
Wayout7 Mon 27-Jun-11 08:48:09

DS is nearly six, very smart and loving, but finds it difficult to concentrate. I rarely manage to get his attention from the first time, but when I'm patient it works no problem. When DH is around and asks him to do something DS usually does not listen and the fight is off: DH starts to shout and threatens, he gets this vicious, scary look on his face and DS starts to cry. Then DH gets annoyed his son is crying like a baby and puts him on the naughty step. Whe I ask later "do you know why you get told off by daddy?" he often replys "no". I try to tell DH that this doesn't work because DS just gets scared of his shouts and doesn't learn anything. He thinks I'm too soft. But it breaks my heart to be a witness of all that. AIBU?

FruStefanLindman Mon 27-Jun-11 08:52:42

No, YANBU. Your son is 6 and 'finds it difficult to concentrate'. Your DH is an adult and needs to find a non-confrontational way to get, and hold, DS's attention without shouting.

VelveteenRabbit Mon 27-Jun-11 09:05:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumblingRagDoll Mon 27-Jun-11 09:10:25

Agree with IS anger issue and a lot of Fathers have the same issue.

He needs to learn to control his anger but first you will have to get him to see why it's wrong to do what he is doing.

Maybe set ground rules that you and DH BOTH agree on...and not listening is not on the list...tell DH that if DS isn't listening then DH must remove distractions DD wont listen if the TV is on for instance.

Also I have in the past's shite but if my DH is losing it then I will step in before there are tempers lost.

Wayout7 Mon 27-Jun-11 11:01:07

Thank you all so much, it is nice to know it could be fixed and I will do my best. MumblingRagDoll, yes is hard to intervene and not too intervene. We have agreed with DH to back each other up when disciplining DS, but I can just not do that when DH looses his temper! I don't want DS to loose respect for his dad, but I simply don't agree with the fear in DS's eyes! He looses the point if it's a good one.

Velveteen, I am dreading the conversation about Anger management with DH. How to approach him without make him defensive? He will hate the diagnosis and deny the condition.

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