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to be furious with the way partner spoke to child

(67 Posts)
Firky Sun 26-Jun-11 22:26:15

He called my 13 year old dd a stupid fucking bitch .She had however locked him in the shed .
he is a step parent and spent all off 3 minutes in there.

ihatecbeebies Sun 26-Jun-11 22:27:53

nope your not unreasonable at all he is, are you going to speak to him and explain how you feel about it?

HidinginaHardHat Sun 26-Jun-11 22:28:23

YABU.

I'd fully expect DP to rant at my DC if similar occurred here. I would, however, expect them to sort it out rationally after DP had been unlocked from said shed...

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Sun 26-Jun-11 22:28:23

He should not have called her a stupid fucking bitch.

She should not have locked him in the shed.

Are there problems between them?

ihatecbeebies Sun 26-Jun-11 22:28:28

Did dd do it deliberately or was it an accident?

RevoltingPeasant Sun 26-Jun-11 22:28:56

YANBU but locking him in the shed is pretty extreme at 13 - presumably a joke that backfired? confused

HerBeX Sun 26-Jun-11 22:29:00

Hmm. You don't give enough info

How long has he been your partner and known your child?
Does he habitually speak to her like this?
What happened afterwards (did he apologise, realise he was out of order etc.)?

bubblecoral Sun 26-Jun-11 22:33:14

He was no more out of order than your dd tbh. What she did was deliberately horrible, and she is old enough to take full responsibility for what she dis. However, that does not excuse your dp, no child deserves to be called that by an adult that they should be able to trust.

I'd say there are some major issues between your dd and dh, and you should think about ways to sort that.

InsomniaQueen Sun 26-Jun-11 22:37:27

Not at all - girls learn to love and be loved by the men in their lives!!! If my husband ever spoke to me like that I would totally lose it......that kind of language to a 'child' isn't necessary.

Accepted she shouldnt have locked him in and maybe you need to speak to her about why she did it and explain that what she did was wrong. But on the flip side your partner needs to watch what he says because teenage girls tend to hold onto these things and you don't want it becoming a massive confrontation down the line.

Firky Sun 26-Jun-11 22:41:29

its such a long story.Im not sure where to begin.He has been my partner for 6 or 7 years.He has lived with us for the last 2.

She has always disliked him to a degree.
Sometimes I feel they are equally jealous of each other.

Its not the first time he's spoken to her in a way i think is unacceptable for an adult to speak to a child.

Hassled Sun 26-Jun-11 22:41:36

"Stupid fucking bitch" to a 13 year old is bad, bad, bad. I feel for you - when DH and I first got together, he and DD didn't exactly hit it off. And while I know she was completely bloody horrendous at times, only I'm allowed to say that. He is not allowed to say that. Any hint of a criticism from him and my hackles would rise.

How long have you been together? If it helps, DD and DH get on very well now - she and DS1 were witnesses at our wedding. But it did take time. And a lot of me feeling like a peacekeeping force.

OpusProSerenus Sun 26-Jun-11 22:45:45

I agree that no-one should speak to another like that in a perfect world but you don't seem to have acknowledged your daughter's bad behaviour at all OP which is maybe why your partner is so frustrated and angry. They are both wrong and you should make that very clear to BOTH of them.

TheSecondComing Sun 26-Jun-11 22:46:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HidinginaHardHat Sun 26-Jun-11 22:47:14

Stay impartial on this one see how they sort it between themselves.

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 26-Jun-11 22:47:27

He is the adult.
She is a child who did something very silly.
Children are silly.
Grown-ups shouldn't be.
Calling a child the f word followed by the c word is never acceptable under any circumstances.
Being cross is fine in these circumstances but the swearing is not.

Firky Sun 26-Jun-11 22:47:52

he called my son a dickhead once too.

This happened several days a go and since the huge row that ensued he has hidden himself away in the bedroom smoking and drinking.

He knows how much i hate him smoking in the bedroom.

Hassled Sun 26-Jun-11 22:49:00

It sounds like you have more than the one issue with him. Can you see a way forwards?

Firky Sun 26-Jun-11 22:49:19

Just to clarify,she was punished for doing it.

HerBeX Sun 26-Jun-11 22:49:30

They're equally jealous of each other?

Sorry but adults don't get to be equally anything with a child. He's an adult, he should behave like one. She's a 13 year old kid, they're supposed to be a PITA, it's in the job description. You shouldn't have to be adjudicating between them, that's what you do for 2 children, not one adult one child.

HerBeX Sun 26-Jun-11 22:50:08

Your DS locked himself in the room and smoked or your DP did?

Firky Sun 26-Jun-11 22:53:12

partner is smoking.Whats a pita?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin Sun 26-Jun-11 22:53:30

Is your DP 17? If so he's not BU. Otherwise, he needs to grow the fuck up.

Firky Sun 26-Jun-11 22:54:15

he shouted stupid fucking bitch in her face

FabbyChic Sun 26-Jun-11 22:54:34

Id sack him, pack his fucking bags and kick him out.

That is not acceptable. Even if he was her real father I'd fuck him off too.

HidinginaHardHat Sun 26-Jun-11 22:55:47

Is this one of those "drip drip drip" type threads?

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