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In thinking that carrying on a domestic in front of visitors is strange?

(25 Posts)
BumWiper Sat 25-Jun-11 12:13:33

DH went over to his friends house last night.He was invited.He got there,went in and the friend and DW were having a fairly nasty row,full of personal digs.
DH was sitting there not knowing where to put his face.

Now if we were having a good ole row discussion and someone came in we would shut up.

Empusa Sat 25-Jun-11 12:47:22

I've got some a lot of friends that do this, it's really awkward! I don't know why either confused

Worse is when they try and get you to join in!

spookshowangel Sat 25-Jun-11 12:48:26

its rude and put you in a terrible position.

cheesesarnie Sat 25-Jun-11 12:48:47

dh and i only get on when we have company!

peepoor Sat 25-Jun-11 12:51:56

tell us more <<nosey>>
did they resolve it?

tallulahxhunny Sat 25-Jun-11 12:54:02

it depends what the arguement was about!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 25-Jun-11 12:58:26

Are his friends the awful Pete and Dawn Sutcliffe from 'Gavin and Stacey'? grin

jeckadeck Sat 25-Jun-11 12:59:18

yeah it is quite weird, betrays a total lack of sensitivity for others. On the other hand some people are just very direct and find it hard to keep anything to themselves.

gethelp Sat 25-Jun-11 13:00:03

Bloody hell I hate this, it's like you're the audience. I once said something (mildly pointed out I was feeling a bit embarrassed and should I go) when I was put in his position and my friend had a go at me! Pah!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 25-Jun-11 13:10:13

Remember kipping on a friend's sofa one weekend, only to be woken up by a racket going on. He was standing one side of the room hurling abuse at her. She was standing at the kitchen door on the other side of the room hurling abuse back - plus pans, crockery and anything else she could get her hands on. Not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, I made my excuses and left.

When couples get to the stage where they no longer care that someone else is in the middle of their argument, the relationship is usually on the skids.

BumWiper Sat 25-Jun-11 13:53:24

peepoorIt was about how he dosent earn enough money for her to buy what she wants (expensive taste.good taste but expensive).

Oh i hate when you are asked for an opinion.I am the queen of straddling the fence in those situations.

coastgirl Sat 25-Jun-11 14:06:55

I know two couples who won't full-on row in front of you but they do that snipey thing with each other and it makes us really uncomfortable. I think couples like this assume everyone is like this at home, but DH and I really make a concerted effort not to have little digs at each other or behave in a P/A way so we really hate it when other people do it. You want to bang their heads together!

PigletJohn Sat 25-Jun-11 14:07:01

perhaps they think, whoever is the first to politely stop, has lost?

superjobeespecs Sat 25-Jun-11 14:14:57

my sis and BIL are like this (well my sis is an evil vindictive bitch not so much my BIL) she will gleefully put him down in front of everyone with lovely insults usually thick fuck and black bastard (he's not black just doesnt shower twice a day which results in abuse) ten years he's put up with her god love him what i really hate is that she hasnt stopped since having kids. my nephew is 4 and a half and he calls his dad a thick fuck then wonders why he's getting into trouble. my sis puts bro in law down in front of the kids saying he has no authority in his voice its no wonder they dont listen to hikm then moans at him when they dont behave for him?!!

i hate being in the middle of rows its always uncomfortable especially when in your head you've taken a side and want to butt in but no you cant cos it'll make it worse..

TheSecondComing Sat 25-Jun-11 14:46:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LDNmummy Sat 25-Jun-11 14:57:35

superjobees, your sis is not just a vindictive bitch, she is an actual abuser. If it were him treating her that way, all and sundry would be butting in and telling her to take the kids and run.

That sounds awful and if I were you I would advise him to do just that as it is not doing him or his children any favours to experience this. Either that or get her some help for her mental health issues.

She could even turn on the children.

sc2987 Sat 25-Jun-11 15:15:14

I did sometimes criticise my ex in front of e.g. his family, because he was very controlling and that was the only way I got any kind of freedom to say what I wanted without him shouting me down. So maybe your couple have some level of abuse in their relationship?

BootyMum Sat 25-Jun-11 15:33:54

I think some couples fight in front of others because they desperately need a mediator/relationship therapist They get so caught up in the emotional intensity of their argument that manners and politeness go out the window. They lack the ability at that point to either calm themselves or help their partner simmer down. It becomes a chaotic out-of-control free for all.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 25-Jun-11 15:37:52

Did you DH not just leave? I would have - I would have said something like "Sorry, this obviously isn't a good time for a get together, I'll see you both again soon". There's no way I would sit quietly watching a domestic. If it's rude to leave when you've been invited somewhere, it's far more rude for the warring pair to carry on when you get there.

Hassled Sat 25-Jun-11 15:40:02

I once had to stand awkwardly through a row between a mate and her DH over the redecoration of their sitting room - wood-burning stoves came into it. He was apparently indecisive and wasting time and lots lots more. It was excrutiating. I think some people are just oblivious to embarrassment.

superjobeespecs Sat 25-Jun-11 15:48:53

yeah many times, i dont speak to her anymore as she is like this with everyone, if things arent done her way she flips. i spent ten years doing anything and everything she asked as she's my big sister and i loved her then last yr realised its not upto me to make her happy and my life and hubby and kids are more important to me than she ever should've been. she's had a hard life and unfortunately thats her excuse for this behaviour. my BIL used to beat her when they were first together they have a mangled sense of what a relationship aught to be but my nephew is well looked after, have only seen my niece twice since she was born but my sis is a proud mum its just hard for me knowing that they are growing up in that enviroment. my DD used to go for tea etc but i stopped this when even she commented on how strange they were i.e ''mummy why does aunty and uncle argue so much? you and daddy dont do that''. its hard.

JuicyLips Sat 25-Jun-11 15:56:25

You are right, it is strange. Step Mil and Fil had a blazing row when we were over a couple of months ago and tried to drag us in, we didnt know where to look and dh and I agreed that if we'd been sitting on the side when the door to the lounge was we would have left but being that we werent felt that we couldnt. personally I would have waited til the guests had left before having an argument like that.

thursday Sat 25-Jun-11 17:55:57

my friend and her ex used to bicker and row all the time. it was sooo embarrassing and you'd have to tell them to give it a rest and save it for later. was so pleased when they finally broke up.

LilQueenie Sat 25-Jun-11 18:03:03

depends really my DP hates me answering him back when we have guests but thats because he thinks I wont stand up to him in public. He says its embarrassing. I say he brings it on himself I dont want to be a doormat any longer.

EveHarrington Sat 25-Jun-11 18:46:21

Oh, this was me and STBXH in front of STBXMIL. Late at night after visiting STBXMIL had retired to bed, he'd said something to me along the lines of, "Well, I may have cheated on you but you're the one who's making the choice to break our family apart by divorcing". I saw red! Crockery went flying, as did drinking glasses! I couldn't give a fuck that STBXMIL had heard and come downstairs. I'd spent the entirety of her visit trying to be civil and in that moment I lost it! The more she tried to calm me down, the angrier I got, especially as she was the one that had spent that afternoon asking me how her poor son was going to cope with the effects of the divorce ...

Strangely enough, I've never felt the need to apologise for it <shrug>

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