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to move in with SIL?

(43 Posts)
BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:00:59

Regular but namechanger... Do I really have to type the list?

Firstly a bit of background. I was widowed fairly young and have a small DS. This isn't about the bereavement, although obviously that was a major life event, but I am coping well and moving on.

The thing is I live in the back of beyond at the family home and I want to get out and have a decent social life again. SIL, who lives in a big city, wants me to come and live with her. Her DH is away most of the time (in the forces) and she wants the company. We're a bit like chalk and cheese - I'm quite sociable and would be wanting to get out quite a bit, she's more of a curl-up-with-a-book sort of woman.

There is another complication. Way back (when we were single) I sort of threw myself at SIL's husband. He politely let me down and told me he was in love with her - and I went on to marry my DH. I still think he might fancy me a bit though. But in any case, he's not going to be around most of the time.

WWYD?

sausagesandmarmelade Sat 25-Jun-11 11:07:53

I wouldn't move in with them....but would move somewhere else...into another home of my own, closer to civilisation...where you could meet and make new friends.

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:09:52

Thanks for the reply sausage. Unfortunately circumstances are that I can only live at home or with SIL.

BTW she doesn't know I made a pass at her DH back in the day. Only one other person witnessed it. Even though he's a bit of a wanker, he wouldn't tell her.

allthefires Sat 25-Jun-11 11:12:18

I wouldn't do it. I think it would put a strain on your relationship with her and her marriage too .

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:14:03

The other thing I should really confess to while I'm at it, is that I was never really in love with DH. SIL keeps going on about him (her darling brother) and it's driving me mad.

allthefires Sat 25-Jun-11 11:14:08

Plus if things went wrong you would have no housing security

cjdamoo Sat 25-Jun-11 11:14:54

hang on u made a pass that he knocked back yet hes the wanker?

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:15:21

There is this other bloke - let's call him R. I'm not sure if he's interested in me or not - he's always giving me lots of attention but he takes the piss out of me at lot.

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:16:03

cjdamoo - no SIL's husband isn't a wanker - he's a real gent. No the bloke who witnessed it was.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern Sat 25-Jun-11 11:16:43

It is not a great long term solution because one day sometime sooner than you would like they might want to move house and you would be left with nowhere to go.
It is fine for a visit or a long holiday but not long term living together.

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:17:51

You just don't understand. I'm going crazy at home - I need to move somewhere where I can be the centre of attention.

suzikettles Sat 25-Jun-11 11:18:45

You would be utterly insane to move in with SIL from what you've posted.

Absolutely Do Not Do It.

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:18:50

And besides SIL says she can look after my DS quite a lot so I'd be sorted for childcare.

worraliberty Sat 25-Jun-11 11:19:37

Nope it's a silly idea from what you've said.

cjdamoo Sat 25-Jun-11 11:19:43

oh thank god for that I was sat here hissing what a cow. Still dont think I could do it however well intentioned the offer things change

stillfrazzled Sat 25-Jun-11 11:19:52

Lawks a mercy. Are you OK for money? Not reduced to making clothes from curtains or anything?

SinicalSal Sat 25-Jun-11 11:20:16

No, daft idea don't do it.

Concentrate on getting out and about more. You could even do regular weekends at the city with SIL. Much more sensible.

Maryz Sat 25-Jun-11 11:20:26

Hi Scarlet grin

buzzsore Sat 25-Jun-11 11:20:37

It would be a bad idea to move in.

You threw yourself at her dh and he turned you down, but you think he has the hots for you? hmm

And you wouldn't want to reminsce fondly about your late dh with her, so I think you would find that difficult.

Really bad idea to move in.

EricNorthmansMistress Sat 25-Jun-11 11:20:50

I would say do it, for a while. Sounds like SIL is a bit lonely, and would probably babysit while you go out and have some fun smile Can you sell the family home while staying with SIL, and use the funds to buy/rent where she lives? That way you can keep the connection there but also work towards being independent.
Only thing I'd say is make sure you pay rent, you don't want to be beholden - and you'll have to live with her idolising her dead brother to some extent. Was your H abusive? I'd also leave R out of it for now smile

Maryz Sat 25-Jun-11 11:21:10

I'd hang on a bit and then marry your sister's boyfriend, if I were you, he is a safer bet long term.

BrightRed Sat 25-Jun-11 11:21:19

wink at Maryz

suzikettles Sat 25-Jun-11 11:21:28

ok, suckered there blush

stillfrazzled Sat 25-Jun-11 11:21:43

And me, dammit!

EricNorthmansMistress Sat 25-Jun-11 11:21:55

I need to move somewhere where I can be the centre of attention.

What on earth does that mean?

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