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toxic relations

(3 Posts)
carolondon Fri 24-Jun-11 21:15:36

I read loads of threads about various toxic relations with posters asking for advice on how to deal with them. They always get loads of sensible advice among all the answers. My question is what happened next?

Do any of you have stories where you took the advice and it worked to your advantage and you now have better relations/severed relations with the aformentioned relations? This includes in-laws.

Please come on here and tell me your success stories!

browneyesblue Sat 25-Jun-11 12:13:59

I posted on one of the other boards (Relationships, I think or maybe Chat - probably namechanged though) ages ago about my sister, who I broke off contact with 6 years ago. She had always been very self-centred, and had done many things that I just couldn't support (far too many things to list here). The last straw was when she had a second child, left the country, married for a second time, and left her first child with our father in this country (he wasn't exactly in the ideal position to be caring for a young child). When I cut off contact with her, it honestly felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I posted because she had been in touch, and indicated that she missed me. I was annoyed as the style of the contact put the onus on me to do the actual reaching out/making the move to re-establish contact, and conflicted as I knew it would mean a lot to my father if we were to get back in touch.

The wise posters of MN spoke as one really, and advised me not to get back in touch. In fact, from the info that I gave at the time, they seemed to be able to judge the situation more clearly than me, and more than one poster said that they thought that my sister getting in touch probably had little to do with her wanting to make amends in any way and forging a real relationship, and more to do with something going on in her own life that she wanted support with.

I didn't get back in touch, but have since found out that those posters were absolutely right. She was pregnant when she got in touch.

I still think that breaking off contact was the right thing to do. I don't miss the screaming, the emotional blackmail or any of the other drama one bit. I love my life the way it is - simple & boring - and those mumsnetters gave me the push I needed to keep it that way.

Thanks again to them, if they recognise themselves smile

redexpat Sat 25-Jun-11 12:22:10

Mine wasn't really about a toxic relation, just my slightly overzealous mother who is a retired nurse, midwife and health visitor and kept firing loads of confusing and unanswerable questions at me as soon as I told her I was pregnant. I copied and pasted the MN replies into an email to mum and it totally did the trick!

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