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To consider telling my friend that her dd is rude?!

(27 Posts)
magicmummy1 Fri 24-Jun-11 18:05:01

We have a lovely neighbour with two daughters. The younger one is the same age as my dd, and they are good friends. Our neighbour is a great mum, and is great with the kids. We often help each other out with lifts, minding the kids etc.

The older daughter is always polite and well-behaved when they're with me, but the younger one is cheeky and uncooperative at best, and sometimes downright rude. I'm pretty sure her mum wouldn't tolerate this behaviour if she was around, and don't think the dc would behave like that in front of her mum anyway.

It has been like this for a couple of years now, and while I used to think she would grow out of it, I now feel it's getting worse not better. I try to deal with it at the time, nicely but firmly, but i really don't like getting cross with other people's children and don't feel that this should be necessary. I have never said anything to the mum, but am starting to wonder if I should.

I know she would be mortified if I told her, but if my dd was behaving like that when I wasn't there, I would really want to know! WWYD?

tallulahxhunny Fri 24-Jun-11 18:06:22

tell her

fuckmepinkandCALLmegoran Fri 24-Jun-11 18:08:07

I'd tell her - put it this way, if it was one of mine, I'd like to know so I could batter them about the head with a wet fish

hmc Fri 24-Jun-11 18:08:10

How old?

hmc Fri 24-Jun-11 18:09:47

Although I personally do get cross with other children and sternly reprimand them if they are in my care and their behaviour warrants it...I find that easier than going to the parent and advising that their child has been a little b**ger tbh!

magicmummy1 Fri 24-Jun-11 18:10:36

How do you think I should tell her, tallulah - should I tell her that this happens quite regularly, or just tell her about the most recent examples?

She really prides herself in her girls (in the nicest possible way) and I really don't want to upset her with this. In fact, when I think about telling her, I just want to ignore the bad behaviour and hope it goes away...

Flisspaps Fri 24-Jun-11 18:11:38

If she's a good friend, tell her, and be honest - let her know that it's regular and that you know she wouldn't stand for it. Make sure she knows how fabulous you think her other daughter is though, so she doesn't feel crap.

hmc Fri 24-Jun-11 18:11:56

Don't tell the mum, just man up and tick the girl off next time she's a madam!

grovel Fri 24-Jun-11 18:12:01

I'm with hmc. Give the girl a telling off. "Don't talk to me like that!".
She will probably tell her mum. Job done.

worraliberty Fri 24-Jun-11 18:13:16

There's little point to any of this without you telling us their ages

magicmummy1 Fri 24-Jun-11 18:13:24

Hmc, she's six. I am quite stern with her, in so far as I tell her off when I need to. But the kind of reprimand that would be enough to bring my dd into line doesn't seem to work and I don't want to get really mad with her.

worraliberty Fri 24-Jun-11 18:15:32

You don't have to get really mad with her...just much sterner.

What works for your DD won't work for the other child because all kids are different.

I agree with whoever said deal with the child yourself and she'll probably tell her Mum anyway.

hmc Fri 24-Jun-11 18:16:07

Well if you are really not comfortable with getting even sterner, you could alternatively tell her that unless her behaviour improves you will be obliged to tell her mother all about it. The threat might make her fall in line.....

magicmummy1 Fri 24-Jun-11 18:16:10

I'm sure she doesn't tell her mum, grovel. I know the mum would be over to apologise.

skybluepearl Fri 24-Jun-11 18:16:12

Treat the child as you would your own. Naugthy step/time out/telling off etc. Mention the incident to her mother after maybe. Don't real off all the issues but just highlight things as they came up day by day and explain what you did to dicipline.

magicmummy1 Fri 24-Jun-11 18:18:22

Hmm, yes - maybe threatening to tell her mum would do the trick. Not sure why I hadn't thought of that already. I'll try that next time and hope it works! smile

ggirl Fri 24-Jun-11 18:19:26

nah don't tell the mum
she'll then have a stern talking to
the child will be worse with you

My friends ds was like this every time I picked him up from school. I very nearly asked the mum if he wasn't happy with me doing the pick ups.
I left it and things progressed and he's a cheerful polite child not - in all aspects of his life.
She may be uncertain about you.
In nursing I follow the rule of -If I don't really like/get on with a patient I make sure I spend twice as much time with them as the others.
It really really helps get rid of the barriers that are making the relationship difficult.
Sermon over smile

ggirl Fri 24-Jun-11 18:20:32

that stray 'not' isn't supposed to be there

MollyMurphy Fri 24-Jun-11 18:36:07

I'd tell her - I would absolutly want to know if my child was misbehaving. Just stress that your telling her because you know she wouldn't tolerate that and thought she should know. Perhaps ask how she would like it handled because you don't want to step on her toes. I wouldn't be hesitant to say this has been going on for years (ahhh but I didn't say anything - awkward)....but address most recent behaviours.

Beyond that I would start natural consequencing, time-outting or sending her home (or whatever you come up with when talking to her mum) when she acts out or she'll always think she has a free pass at your place. I would also sit down with her and perhaps her mum in a little meeting and warn her that things are going to change because you've let it slide so long. She should have forewarning so she now knows what to expect.

MollyMurphy Fri 24-Jun-11 18:37:00

That should be I WOULD be hesitant to say its been going on for years....sad

LolaRennt Fri 24-Jun-11 18:49:14

IN all honestly I wouldn't. Telling the kid off or avoiding her is your best bet, some women really don't take hearing the truth very well! But only you know if your friend is like this or not

MotherMucca Fri 24-Jun-11 18:52:04

Next time you need to be ''stern" with the girl, can you mention it to her mum at handover?

Might open up a dialogue about her behaviour.

PlanetEarth Fri 24-Jun-11 18:55:21

I would tell the mum. If it were my daughter I'd like to know.

LaWeasel Fri 24-Jun-11 18:57:12

I don't really think you should tell her, unless you say "oh by the way, last time your DD2 was here she did X naughty thing, I put her on the naughty step automatically... is that okay? If there's a next time do you want me to do the same?"

If she asks what she has been like previously then you could bring up that it has been going on for a while, but otherwise I wouldn't. She'll just feel really bad about it and if she behaves well with other people it seems to me more like it's a dynamic you and the girl need to get straight between you, not something mum can do much about.

veritythebrave Fri 24-Jun-11 19:15:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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