to really not know what to do

[alwaysfeelingthestrain]

My DS is 4 in two weeks and is for the most part a lovely little boy but he has a temper. At nursery I have a feeling he has been labelled as a bit of a bully as he gets cross and pushes children or hits them. This doesn't happen all the time probably about once a week if that and the same at the childminders. At home he isn't really like this but when he is asked to do something he does have a tendancy to ignore you and carry on doing whatever it is you have asked him to stop or has to do it once more. He is starting school in September and I want that to be a fresh start. I don't want other children, teachers and parents thinking he is naughty when he can be so good. I'm finding it difficult to know what I can do about things when I am not there and how I can get him to calm down. When I speak to him about it he says he doesn't know why he does it and promises to stop. He knows it's naughty but still does it.

[M0naLisa]

I think a Childs behaviour is all down to how they are treated at home, if they are allowed to bounce around, hit siblings with no consequence and get away with being cheeky etc etc then they will think that it will be ok to do it at school/nursery/CM

When/if your child misbehaves at home, do you discipline him, naughty step/spot/chair etc etc???

[bubblecoral]

Maybe you could help him to recognise when he is getting angry, and then tell him he has to use his words to let out his frustration. Tell him he's allowed to shout and scream and punch a pillow while shouting and screaming if that works for him, but he must not push other people. At four, he is old enough to know how wrong that is, and I would work out some consistent strategies to use with his nursery that help him to know that he has a choice not to push, and if he does choose to push then he loses something he likes. Maybe giving him a codeword he can use when he gets angry would help. He would get to know that as soon as he uses that secret word, adults will take his anger seriously and help him let it out without hurting other people.

I appreciate that you don't want people to think he's naughty, but if he's doing this once a week and he continues to do it at school, it won't take them long before they start thinking of him as troublesome. It would be much better if you can prepare the school and work with them if there is still a problem, rather than trying to pretend that it doesn't exist.

There is a good chance that he will have stopped pushing by September anyway though, especially if you give him ways to manage his anger rather than just telling him not to push.

[alwaysfeelingthestrain]

mona yes we have very firm rules at home regarding most things (bedtime, discipline, meal times, manners etc) and we do implement the naughty spot. At home aside from having selective hearing he is very well behaved I think he just gets silly and wound up easily. His behaviour is worse when my DSS is with us as he can be very naughty and testing and he is two years older then my DS.

beertricks they have mentioned to me that he just gets a bit carried away

[aubergine70]

He sounds like an average 4YO boy to me.

[NoobytheWaspSlayer]

Have you had his hearing checked? I only ask as DS1 displayed similar behaviour, and it turns out he has some hearing loss and needs to have grommets. It is hard for him in group siutations with multiple noise sources, and he was getting very frustrated and lashing out. Ditto at home if he was too close to the tv, or there were other sounds, or I was too quiet talking to him. He has the op booked for a few weeks.

[alwaysfeelingthestrain]

nooby yes he had his hearing checked not long ago.

aubergine that's what I thought too I just want him to listen and not get so worked up I know my DSS's mother doesn't know what to do with him and ends up in school all the time and I just don't want my DS to do the same. I don't mean that to sound awful. I just want to nip it in the bud preferably before he starts school.

[onehellofaride]

what about a sticker chart so that he gets a sticker everyday he has been good. Obviously all children have slip ups but if he has been essentially good that day then he gets a sticker and if he manages a full week he gets a treat. That is what I'm considering doing with my DS

[Pang]

I agree it sounds like normal toddler behaviour (he really is still a toddler at age 4.) My DS never had the terrible 2s., he had the terrible 4s. Fortunately he grew out of it with some training.
Just make sure you teach him how to share and take turns. And don't let him get away with ignoring you.This should help him when he gets to school.