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AIBU for my mum to expect me to wait

(22 Posts)
CoffeeDog Thu 23-Jun-11 14:06:01

AIBU ? MY mum EXPECTS me to drive her to dr. appointment then sit and wait in the car for over an hour with twins (2 1/2) because she cannot/willnot use a mobile phone?

She ALWAYS books appointments around lunchtime as it easier for her ( shes in her 70's and disabled so struggles getting up in the morning )so i have 2 tired wingy hungrey boys in a small fiesta for usally around a hour and a half.

I have suguested that i tak the twins to the park 5min's away and she ask the doc/reception/payphone to call me and i can drive back and collect her but she thinks this is unaceptable in case she 'gets out' early.

When the twins were little this was fine as they use to sleep but havent done since they were 1 sad

AIBU to say drive yourself (she can drive but choses no to) allow us to go to the park - or at least get an early appointment so the boys are not hungrey - I hate feeding them junk food as it turns them into propper monsters and ds2 is REALLY fussy about what he eats.

LindyHemming Thu 23-Jun-11 14:07:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPotter Thu 23-Jun-11 14:08:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieLobeseder Thu 23-Jun-11 14:09:03

Why on earth would you put yourself out like this? Could you get her a cheap phone, and then tell her either she uses it to call you when she's done or wait for you to get back, but either way you're going to the park.

millie30 Thu 23-Jun-11 14:11:46

YANBU. I can't believe that you sit in a car with 2 toddlers for over an hour because she insists! Just be firm, and if she doesn't like it she can make other arrangements.

Flisspaps Thu 23-Jun-11 14:12:42

YANBU. I'd say either call us when you're ready and we'll come back from the park, or drive herself.

CoffeeDog Thu 23-Jun-11 14:15:38

She has MH issues and goes to see the shrink hence long appointments....

She can be very hard wotk if i am honest and sometimes it just easier to go along with it...

She told me the last time she saw the shrink she was planning on topping herself soonish - WTF am i supose to say to that??

Me and my twin 'share' doctors visits etc but as i am a SAHM she thinks i should be taking her here there and everywhere as my sis works she often says she did things for me when i was a child - now its 'our' turn

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Thu 23-Jun-11 14:15:58

She wants the favour, she doesn't get to dictate. You tell her what is going to happen and if that's not good enough for her, she can either drive herself or get a taxi.

messagetoyourudy Thu 23-Jun-11 14:17:28

YANBU - as much as she would like your help she can not fail to see that this is unreasonable if YOU tell her!

Stand up to her - tell her straight that the plan is you will go to the park - or why can she not just get a taxi ?


Message withdrawn

thisisyesterday Thu 23-Jun-11 14:18:45

no yanbu

just tell it like it is.
"mum, sorry but it is not fair to keep the boys in the car for that long over lunch time. So I can either take you and go off to the park then come back, or you can drive yourself.... "

stripeytiger Thu 23-Jun-11 14:23:47

YANBU but she is being VERY unreasonable and not thinking about anyone but herself. Sorry I know she's your mum but that arrangement is ridiculous frankly.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

bubblecoral Thu 23-Jun-11 14:24:11

Say no! Let your inner tiger Mummy out and realise that this is not fair on your two little boys.

I'm sure there's some research somewhere that suggests that children of pre school age can actually find it painful to be physically restricted, because their bodies need to move to develop neurologically. I may be talking crap, but I swear I heard it somewhere!

Put your children before you Mother and stop giving her a choice. Why should she have an option when she is an adult but your very small children who you are responsible for and who have a greater need have no option?

CoffeeDog Thu 23-Jun-11 14:25:08

Thank's guy's

She neally had me convince that i was BU about not wanting to take her ;)

Playdohinthewashingmachine Thu 23-Jun-11 14:25:18

Try "please make an appointment before 11am. I will drop you off and come back 90 minutes later. If you get out early, you can choose to sit and wait, or ask the receptionist to phone me. Alternatively you could make other arrangements".

She did things for you when you were a child, and now it is your turn. Your turn involves you doing things for your children. That's how it works ...

Pixieonthemoor Thu 23-Jun-11 14:28:08

Two 2.5 yr olds strapped into a car for over an hour??? They are going to go utterly beserk!! And you will be totally strung out with the stress of trying to keep them happy. Park or another appt time, I'm afraid. Oh - and you are totally not bu.

starfishmummy Thu 23-Jun-11 14:32:38

Just drop her off, don't get out of the car and say you'll see her when she calls you to collect her.

TrilllianAstra Thu 23-Jun-11 14:37:42


FannyFifer Thu 23-Jun-11 14:38:11

Jings do not entertain that whatsoever, tell her to drive herself.
You should go and gave a look at the threads on here about Narcissistic(sp) mothers and see if it sounds familiar.

It is just not reasonable behaviour at all.

mummytime Thu 23-Jun-11 14:38:36

She has mental health issues, this sounds like part of the problem. I'm sorry she is BU, but you have to be strong. YANBU, you cannot keep 2 small kids strapped in a car for an hour or more at lunchtime. She or the reception staf have to phone you, or she has to wait until you can collect her.

agedknees Thu 23-Jun-11 14:40:15

I don't get this "I did things for you when you where young, now its your turn to do things for me".

She chose to have you, you did not have a choice about being born. You owe your dc loads as you made the choice to have them.

I think your dm is being manipulative. Buy her a cheap phone, take her to the docs and then take your dc to the park to feed the ducks etc. If she chooses not to use the mobile phone just leave it a hour and then go back to the docs. If she has been kept waiting for you to reappear, hard luck.

You are def NBU. 2.5 year old twins must be hard work.

Andrewofgg Thu 23-Jun-11 22:03:16

YANBU. Reminds me of my MIL. How many MILs does it take to change a light bulb? Just one: to hold it up and wait for the world to revolve round her.

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