I don't know if I am or not, but I can't stop thinking about the whole situation. If I am BU, can you help me to view things differently? I have posted bits and pieces about this before so apologies for any repetition.
My parents divorced when I was 11. My mum's actions caused scandal in the circles in which they moved. I elected to stay with my Dad, and did so until I left home for uni. Dad and I had a very close relationship, there was nothing we could not speak about, we got on very well.
When I was 15 Dad met his current partner. She is 20 years younger than him and has 3 children (although only admits to having 2). They have never lived together. Her and I were not particularly close, partly because we didn't see much of each other, but we never actually fell out. I always felt she disapproved of me in some way but never knew why.
Over the years Dad and I have remained close, even though I now live 200 miles away from where I grew up. I am his only relative so I did feel guilty at not seeing him as often as I could, but I was happy that he had the companionship and care of his partner.
Shortly before Xmas Dad was diagnosed with Crohn's disease so he moved in with his partner for the first time in over 30 years. Shortly after that, his partner was diagnosed, totally out of the blue, (never smoked, always ate healthily etc) with lung cancer. About two weeks after her diagnosis, her son rang us to tell us that his mother no longer wanted my father around as she could not care for him. Dad came to stay with us - him thinking it was for a fortnight only, us knowing it was permanent. Each time a fortnight would pass, Dad would mention returning, and she would say she wanted to be alone for another fortnight.
I'm amazed at her duplicity over this, I think she should have told him the score up front and not be stringing him along.
Just before Dad came here, he wanted Dh and I to attend a meeting with him and his bank manager, and during the course of the meeting, I found out that he had left her the larger part of his savings, plus he was leaving money to her sons - none of whom he knows any better than she knows me, none of whom he was instrumental in bringing up, and none of whom he has ever seen regularly. I was really shocked - NOT because of the money aspect, but because it seems that he holds her in higher regard than both me and my children.
A couple of weeks ago we took Dad to visit her at the weekend (he was "allowed" to visit as one of her sons was also staying). We dropped Dad at her house, and went on to stay at my Mum's. No sooner had we got there (at about 11ish on a Friday evening) than DH became seriously and suddenly ill (he does have lots of health issues), so we rushed home again and he was admitted to hospital. The following morning my Mum rang Dad to tell him what had happened and to say that he would probably have to stay on with his partner a few days longer than originally planned. The partner answered the phone, my mum told her what had happened, and her response was to start crying, to say that she hated me, that I was bone idle, had never done anything in my life, and I was just waiting for my Dad to die to get him off my hands and to get his money.
I can't tell you how upset I was to hear such awful things - but worse still, is that she has since told Dad what she said, and he has said absolutely nothing to her. When I asked him why, he started to make excuses for her and to say that she was sorry. I can't understand why he would let her say such things about me without defending me. I can't stop thinking about it, and about all her other recent behaviour. Dad continues to talk about her as if she has done nothing wrong - he doesnt seem to realise I don't want to hear anything about her, neither does he realise how let down I feel.
I'm feeling increasing hostility towards her, but I also feel more and more bitter towards my Dad. I don't want to feel this way, but each time I try to rationalise my feelings, it seems she has "won" in every aspect of the situation. How can i not let this fester? I have spoken to my Dad about the whole name-calling incident, but as I said, he made excuses for her and now acts as though it never happened.
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AIBU?
to feel increasing bitterness and sadness?
23 replies
shandyleer · 23/06/2011 14:03
OP posts:
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