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AIBU to feel anxious about the future

(5 Posts)
AnxiousOne Thu 23-Jun-11 10:31:50

My DH is a director in a defunct family business. The business has not been going too good and all other members are about to jump ship close up shop and more to other countries to continue wioth their lives to explore their other options. my DH has no other immediate options.

he has fought tooth a nail for the business to take particulat turns and routes only to be ignored. he constantly tries to keep the spirits of the other family members/directors up and has been on an emotional roller coaster with threats of closure followed by sudden bursts of optimism. Neither he nor I can take it any more. I warned him this would happen and now it has.

He is artistic and has not much work experience doing any anything else and will not work for any one else either. He has ideas of what to do but I cannot see it making enough money in the immeditate future.

I work and am making just enough money to make ends meet and very often ends do not meet and are frequently out of money by the end of the month. I would like to have another child but feel that we cannot afford to as i would have to return to work almost immediately as I did the first time around. He is a great dad but in all honesty not a very good provider.

I am at just worried sick about the future. He feels betrayed by the family members but at the same time I do not blame them if they have other options.

I am trying for his sake to be positive around him but inside I just feel like collapsing with worry.

clickityclackity Thu 23-Jun-11 12:32:06

Arrgh I just answered this and it all got lost when Mumsnet Updated. Now I can't rewrite it properly.

Basically, YANBU of course you're worried. I would be stressed and resentful. Your DH sounds like he tried hard to save the family business, but he's now neglecting to save his immediate family from finanicial destitution. It isn't fair for him to expect you to shoulder the complete burden of providing for the family whilst he sits in his artiatic cloud. He needs to get a job. His business experience gives him valuable skills that he can take elsewhere surely?

I'm sure he dreads the thought of ever working for anyone else again but plenty of people do mundane jobs whilst they work on personal projects and are able to get those up and running.; Plenty of self employed people also do mundane jobs too and work on their businesses in their spare time. I would tell him that and also remind him that he will be in a better position to take risks if he also has some other source of income coming in. Also ask him what happens if you work yourself into a state and get ill? Which I'm sure the stress will do if things continue. Who will provide then? I would say it's time to stop trying to be positive around him and start giving him a dose of realism.

All the best.

SinicalSal Thu 23-Jun-11 12:37:08

He's hard a hard time and is understandably feeling a bit battered.
However, he 'won't work for anyone else' is not viable. His ego is not more important than his family's welfare. That needs to be made crystal clear (if he's not just in a temporary grump over his disappointment).

sims2fan Thu 23-Jun-11 12:38:19

My husband had a business. It failed, therefore he had no money to do anything himself so therefore he had to work for someone else. Your husband needs to get a job basically. There is no shame in working for other people, and he might enjoy having less responsibility for a company's future.

PhilipJFry Thu 23-Jun-11 13:06:18

You aren't being unreasonable to be worried but you must be careful and take care of yourself. Anxiety can spiral out of control especially when it comes to worrying about the future- it's something that can seem terrifying and full of dark possibilities when you have troubles at the present. It's a massive source of stress for many people as it can seem out of our grasp. I agree with the others who think things need to change and your husband needs to consider finding a job with steady income. It'll reduce the stress put on you both and you definitely sound like you need something to change. If you put concrete changes into action now your worries about the future will hopefully be reduced.

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