have 4 children, husband left 6 years ago after having an affair, he now lives abroad and has done since he left. Since he left he has seen the elder 2 twice for a few days and the youngest 2 once, and that was only because i was in intensive care so he didnt really have a choice.
The oldest 2 were the only ones who missed him when he left, my youngest daughter wasnt really fussed as he had worked away when she was little so she didnt really react at all, my youngest son doesnt know him at all as i was pregnant when he left.
I used to beg him to see the children, i said i didnt want money i just wanted him to see the kids. my oldest daughter was upset and angry for ages because he wouldnt see them. He doesnt phone either so very little contact over the years. The oldest 2 have accepted this is how it is, but when i was ill last summer (in intensive care) my ex had to have the kids and he swore to them things would change and he promised them he would see them, and phone etc. He told my youngest daughter he would be here at christmas (last christmas) she spent the day crying looking out the window saying he will be here he promised. i told her beforehand he wasnt coming, that he will be busy with work but she kept saying he promised.
he did phone a few months ago to tell the kids he had a new baby, i spoke to him at that time and told him i had already been through the hurt of the oldest 2, and now my youngest daughter keeps crying for him, so he needs to see them more regular and phone/email more often as it wasnt fair on the kids to be left wondering if they will ever see him again.
he hasnt phoned since and missed my youngest 2s birthdays.
My youngest daughter asked me yesterday if she could see her dad in the summer, and i said i dont think so. She cried herself to sleep. I dont know how i can make this better. She asked me if she could phone him, and i said i dont think he would answer but we can try. He didnt. I dont know what to do for best, she has put him on a pedestal because she didnt know him.
Should i tell her he isnt interested so it stops her thinking he will see her. It brakes my heart to see her like this but ive tried everything to get him to see them. but then if i tell her that she will wonder why and whats wrong with her that he doesnt want to see her.
he lives in holland so its not like its the other end of the world. my youngest daughter is 9
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AIBU?
would i be unreasonable to tell my daughter the truth about her father?
20 replies
saycheese · 23/06/2011 10:21
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