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To put my foot down, have a tantrum and tell dh he can't go!

(88 Posts)
Maryz Wed 22-Jun-11 21:23:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

failedmother Wed 22-Jun-11 21:25:27

yes you are. It isn't the nephew's fault is it?

failedmother Wed 22-Jun-11 21:26:33

Although I can see why you would be seriously pissed off with SIL.

bubblecoral Wed 22-Jun-11 21:28:23

YABU. You are punishing the Godson for the horrible actions of his mother, and that is wrong.

Your sil sounds awful, but you would be stooping to her level if you refused to let your dh go, and you would be doing it knowingly, so that's worse imo.

What were you thinking when you planned a baptism on your nephew's birthday? Is it possible that she is still holding a grudge about that inconsideration on your part? Not that she should, but I can see why she would have been pissed off at the time.

DontCallMePeanut Wed 22-Jun-11 21:28:43

YABU, but I see where you're coming from.

Unfortunately, DNephew didn't make the decision to treat your DS this way. So, he doesn't deserve to be punished. Now DNephew is an adult, try and treat him and SIL as two seperate entities. He is not responsible for her, and vice versa. Let DH go. It'll make both him and DNephew happy.

AuntiePickleBottom Wed 22-Jun-11 21:29:29

it's not the nephews fault, yabu

Sharney Wed 22-Jun-11 21:33:14

It really (imo) depends on his relationship with the godson/nephew. If they have a good relationship he should go, show his face for a bit, take card and gift ect. But if the godson/nephew takes after his mother I'd put my foot down. I'd also stop bothering with the family. No more invites, phone calls, niceties of any kind. Be civil when you have to see them but for your day to day life forget they existence. And stop reminding dh about anything to do with them. They sound awful. Don't make any kind of big deal about it with your kids. If they ever mention it just shrug it off. Good luck. smile

Sharney Wed 22-Jun-11 21:34:53

That is to say, YANBU.

troisgarcons Wed 22-Jun-11 21:35:25

A bit wildly off topic - but the husband my myself have an equal relationship. I wouldn't dream of 'having a tantrum' amd 'telling him' anything - and he damned well knows those tactics wouldn't work with me either.

I always find it amusing that there are so many females on this forum who seem to 'be hated' by their inlaws.

Just a little thought. Men marry their mothers. YOU also will be the MIL from hell in a few years. Mind you, your partner should look at your mother and quite possibly think 'shit! no way I want to be stuck with that in 40 years' time .

Maryz Wed 22-Jun-11 21:35:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalo12 Wed 22-Jun-11 21:38:35

yanbu at all, I think your dh could send a present or a cheque but I defo don't think he should go to the do. Are you not invited? His sister has made it quite obvious that she does not want to have a relationship with you or your children, therefore I would expect your dh to show his alegiencde and support for you. Fine if he doesn't want a confrontation but I think he has to take some stand. Frankly if you and your whole family are not invited to this family occasion then that is reason enough to not want dh to go, nevermind the back story

Maryz Wed 22-Jun-11 21:39:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amaretti Wed 22-Jun-11 21:39:57

Can he send a nice present, make an excuse and not go? That way you don't rock the boat and spoil the nephew's birthday, but he doesn't go and join in either. As the nephew is now 21 it should be possible for your DH to have a relationship with his nephew independent of his sister. I'd stop contact with the sister, yes, but not take it out on the nephew on an important day in his life. He'll ever forget a family fall out on his 21st after all.

Maryz Wed 22-Jun-11 21:41:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jun-11 21:43:36

You and your dc are not invited? Why?

Yanbu

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 22-Jun-11 21:43:50

I don't understand, genuinely don't understand, how someone can have anything to do with someone who won't acknowledge their children. For me, that would be a great big Fuck Off. I mean, that's your children. It is a big deal. I don't blame you at all for being mad. I'd be more than mad. It would feel like a betrayal of my children, like he was saying the treatment of them is not worth making a fuss about.

That said, it's the sil not the nephew, so he should certainly get him a gift. The nephew has done nothing.

But going to a party organised by the sil that you and his children are not welcome at? I don't understand.

Maryz Wed 22-Jun-11 21:48:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jun-11 21:48:57

So your dh has been condoning his sisters shitty treatment of you and his children?

This party is the icing on the cake really.

CinnabarRed Wed 22-Jun-11 21:49:35

I was all fired up to say YABU, but having read to the bottom of the thread I'm with you 100%. No invite for your kids, no show from DH.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 22-Jun-11 21:51:53

But by 'keeping the peace' he is saying that his children are not worth standing up for.

No peace is worth that.

I know you know that! I just can't understand why he doesn't.

Treat my kids like shit on your shoe, that's alright, it'll be business as usual.

I'd be so so so angry with him.

Bugger her, she's just a cow. But him? their father? Would rather see them treated like nothing, like dirt, and you too? Than stand up for his family and say no! You will NOT treat my family like this.

Like I say, I'm baffled.

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jun-11 21:52:37

How can you even look at a man that allows his children and wife to be treated like this shock

I am appalled.

magicmummy1 Wed 22-Jun-11 21:53:42

She sounds awful but yabu to tell your DH what to do. It isn't your decision.

MigratingCoconuts Wed 22-Jun-11 21:58:41

yanbu

what a horrible way to treat your family. I feel really sorry for your pain..this is unfair. Adoption should be something that is celebrated in a family.

Maryz Wed 22-Jun-11 21:59:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jun-11 22:04:11

Maryz your dh is behaving appallingly.

Effectively putting his sisters feelings before his children.

I am disgusted and tbh, this would be it for me.

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