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to want a bit more support and sympathy from DH

(17 Posts)
Bigglewinkle Wed 22-Jun-11 20:08:18

I'm really angry about this.
I've just had a really challenging day with DS1 (2yo) where he's pushed the boundaries continuously all day.
I know he's only 2 and he has a new small sister to contend with but the doesn't mean I want to be a push over. And this is the first real time I've had to set boundaries, decide on consequences, so I'm thinking on my feet while sleep deprived...
We're out and DS starts throwing his 2 toy trains on the floor and kicking them about instead of putting them in the buggy, while I put DD in the buggy ready to leave the cafe. DS has just put my mobile in the buggy so I know he's quite capable of putting things away. After much asking, telling, explaining their his toys he needs to look after them (and him getting bolshie and kicking them) I end up throwing them away which was what I threatened.
Other nuaghtiness is pulling threads on a cushion immediately after being told not to. Refusing to say sorry. Asking for things them not wanting them. Ignoring me when I asked him a simple question.
I relate all this to DH and all I get is huffiness because I've thrown 2 toys away (they weren't expensive or important)
I really feel so pissed off, I'm skulking in the kitchen posting this from my mobile instead of having my dinner in front of the tv with DH!!

GypsyMoth Wed 22-Jun-11 20:10:57

i dont think you should have thrown them away either!!

SenoritaViva Wed 22-Jun-11 20:12:04

Sounds like you had a really challenging day, they do get easier, or you get better at handling it, never sure which comes first.

I have to admit I probably would not have thrown the toys away either because I hate waste.

Please don't sulk, go and cuddle your DH on the sofa, a hug and relax in front of the TV will honestly make you feel better than skulking in the kitchen.

Nixea Wed 22-Jun-11 20:12:39

Regardless of whether it was the right course of action or not YANBU to want a little more understanding from DH.

ThatllDoPig Wed 22-Jun-11 20:15:16

It is really hard though, when you don't feel backed up with the discipline. You have to be a united front. Try to talk it through with dh. He probably doesn't get it how stressful it can be looking after two kids all day.
Will be interesting to see if the toy throwing away works.

ThatllDoPig Wed 22-Jun-11 20:15:40

YANBU

mistressploppy Wed 22-Jun-11 20:15:55

Git. Let him try it - give him the dc and sod off for the day.

Bah. Poor you

PinkSchmoo Wed 22-Jun-11 20:19:14

I'm in same position with DD aged 2.2 and DS at 7 weeks.

By the end of a day with the 2 I feel hugely frazzled and would be so unimpressed if DH didn't show interest in our day and a bit of support. YANBU.

Havent thrown away toys yet - hidden them in the dining room and locked the door ....

Bigglewinkle Wed 22-Jun-11 20:28:22

I'm not particularly happy I threw the toys away either but thought I should follow through my threat. Must admit DS has all the signs of being as stubborn as me. I didn't think it would get that far tbh, but he called my bluff; it doesn't bode well for the future grin!
I don't mind DH not being happy about the toys, but do mind that all I got was a telling off for doing it rather than 'poor you, here's some wine, how should we handle it next time'

SenoritaViva Wed 22-Jun-11 20:33:47

I agree, your version of his response sounds MUCH better. It seems that there are two lessons to be learnt in your house this evening:

1) That you never make a threat you don't actually want to carry through (we all do it and more than once)
2) Your DH needs to understand how to help his wife who's had a challenging day. It's pretty simple, sympathy, wine and a hug. We don't actually ask for much!!

cheapskatemum Wed 22-Jun-11 20:34:05

YANBU and well done for following through! Have that discussion ASAP with DH about having a united front about such things as we're having real problems with teenage sons as a result of not doing so (DS2's SN made many things extremely difficult when they were younger).

SenoritaViva Wed 22-Jun-11 20:34:26

Oh and wine
Poor you

JambalayaCodfishPie Wed 22-Jun-11 20:36:13

I have done similar things with my daughter.

My biggest 'loss' was tickets to Disney On Ice, but this was when she was five.

Her behaviour was appaling and she continued to misbehave - she seemed to think she would get to go regardless, she soon learned that Mummy doesnt lie!

To be fair though, DP was very supportive!

FabbyChic Wed 22-Jun-11 20:40:10

Your child is behaving like any 2 year old would who had just had a brother/sister. He is seeking attention and whether that is by you shouting or telling him off it's what he wants.

He feels as he is not the only one any more and has to share you, so whilst you are telling him off he is getting your full attention.

Bigglewinkle Wed 22-Jun-11 21:05:38

I know he's going through a challenging time. And I'm still working out the balance between setting boundaries and letting him off.
I realise that asking for things that he doesn't really want is attention seeking and I try to accommodate as much as poss. (Cuddles, drinks etc) but I draw the line at being asked for a cuddle and then being pushed away and told NO!! At that point I start ignoring him
Is that the right thing to do?
I need to look on mumsnet for more techniques!

Omigawd Wed 22-Jun-11 22:17:28

All parents are allowed to lose it with a 2 yo at lesat once a week smile

And good for you for keeping your promise, even though you feel all guilty afterwards that will help in the long run IMO.

Grab some wine, go watch TV etc and tell plonker DH that no one gets to criticise unless they are in the situation. If he wants you to look after 2 toddlers he has to support your decisions, end of - unless he wants them all weekend as he is so perfect grin

Bigglewinkle Wed 22-Jun-11 22:18:37

PS thank you for all your kind posts. I have kissed and made up with DH and we've agreed a strategy.
Now here's hoping for a good night from DD (11wks)

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