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to ask if you are ever ashamed of or feel guilty about your parenting and why?

(116 Posts)
ellangirl Wed 22-Jun-11 17:47:15

As the title says really, what have you done/do you do that you feel terrible about? Does it change the way you do things?

OneHelluvaBroad Wed 22-Jun-11 17:48:29

Yes. All the time. About all sorts of things!

SuePurblybilt Wed 22-Jun-11 17:53:28

Yep. Came home from drop-off today and howled because I had been grumpy with DD. She was mucking about and refusing to change into indoor shoes at nursery - plus lots of silly things. And I was in a hurry so was impatient with her sad. I came away hating myself for being so crap - I wasn't late in the end and I shouldn't have been snappy with her. She didn't notice though grin

aquashiv Wed 22-Jun-11 18:11:33

Guilty yep every day...not yet ashamed well there is the chocolate that I do eat for their own good does that count?
Op what doyou feel ashamed/guilty off then?

ellangirl Wed 22-Jun-11 18:14:08

Ha, I have done that aqua! I feel guilty for not watching my DS carefully enough this morning, resulting in him bashing his head hard for example. I also feel guilty that I could have gone out this afternoon, and taken him to the park or something, but instead I did housework.

MrsBuntyLentilMuncher Wed 22-Jun-11 18:16:47

I feel guilty about many many little, probably insignificant things. I think it would be hard to find a parent who didn't feel guilty about some aspect of their parenting. It goes with the territory, doesn't it?

Tee2072 Wed 22-Jun-11 18:18:29

Maybe a bit guilty at times but, no, never ashamed.

LeQueen Wed 22-Jun-11 18:20:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BulletWithAName Wed 22-Jun-11 18:23:11

Me too* LeQueen*. Patience is most definitely not a virtue I possess!

LeQueen Wed 22-Jun-11 18:24:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreBeta Wed 22-Jun-11 18:26:34

GUILT is a permanent default position in parenthood.

The trick is not letting your DCs know that because even little children quickly figure out exactly which buttons to press - and I am not talking about the TV remote.

I always feel bad after telling DSs off even if it is for something I have calmly talked to them about many times before and they just ignored me.

ohhappyday Wed 22-Jun-11 18:28:00

I feel guilty that I have not been more insistent on church attendance and making likeminded friends. My DS isn't though - he thinks I've been really cool in not pushing my views on him. Feel that I have really failed in this area as many of my christian friends think this strange as I am so on fire for God

Jbck Wed 22-Jun-11 18:28:56

Yup 'cos I'm sitting here when I could be playing with DD2. She doesn't get as much attention as DD1 did and because there's a 6 year gap she never had me all to herself, so I should when DD1 is out.

When I'm shouty over trivial things and that I let DH ride them over really petty stuff. sad

I'm not keeping too well just now (longish term)and I can't be bothered with them a lot of the time and that's a horrible feeling.

Off to cuddle DD2 for a while smile

BulletWithAName Wed 22-Jun-11 18:30:24

LeQueenSo true. I sometimes wish I could be chilled out and laid back but it's just not me! I'm just highly strung I blame my mother

Beamur Wed 22-Jun-11 18:31:29

Actually I rarely feel guilty and have never felt ashamed.

lubberlich Wed 22-Jun-11 18:34:40

I am permanently guilty.
There is always something I should be doing, should not be doing or should be doing better.
I think that is probably what motherhood is all about.

jendot Wed 22-Jun-11 18:35:28

Just really shouted at ds 10 as he has been a whatsit since he got home from school...trouble is I don't ever really shout so he started crying......now had I not been going to the dentist tomorrow to be sedated and have a really nasty extraction/ bone removal etc and am stressing about it big time....I wouldn't have shouted at him!
Crap parent me!

MoreBeta Wed 22-Jun-11 18:36:00

ohhappyday - I went to church over 250 times a year for 7 years as a teenager. I have my own private creed now but not because I went to church. Your DS will turn out well because of your influence not by going to a church or what your friends think.

dadof2ofthem Wed 22-Jun-11 18:47:49

moreBeta <GUILT is a permanent default position in parenthood.>
that is so true, why did nobody tell me that before becoming a dad, i was prepared for all the hard work , but not the guilt!

ohhappyday Wed 22-Jun-11 18:48:29

morebetta - thank you so much for saying that - this is the first time I have allowed myself to think this - I usually just blank it when the thought comes up it's been kind of healing really

Beamur Wed 22-Jun-11 18:51:06

I did feel guilty when I accidentally bashed DDs head into a low hanging light fitting, but I don't fret too much about stuff like 'has she had enough vegetables today?' or 'has she had enough exercise?' - if she is a bit short for example on veg or exercise, I just make sure she gets it the next day but I don't feel bad about it.

youarekidding Wed 22-Jun-11 18:51:50

Think DS got to 4yo when I announced to my friend I felt motherhood was one long guilt trip.

He's 6 now (nearly 7) and I honestly say the things I fretted about are no longer major worries. Not because they've changed but because I've realised some things just don't matter.

We are both happier for it. grin

bibbitybobbityhat Wed 22-Jun-11 18:53:06

Only in one respect.

I spend too much time on Mumsnet.

<not joking>

ThePathanKhansWoman Wed 22-Jun-11 18:54:37

morebeta so right, i sometimes feel ashamed at being shouty, i hate myself
d.d seems to shrink and i think 'you big bloody bully' blush.

Piccalilli2 Wed 22-Jun-11 19:00:11

I shout too much, particularly in the mornings when we're running late and I've already asked nicely about a million times. And sometimes I feel bad that I've let them watch too much tv after school/nursery so I can get some jobs done. And I feel guilty about not being around more to pick dd1 up from school as I know it upsets her but I have to work

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