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Aibu to ask if it is bad to be a loner?

(87 Posts)
frownieface Tue 21-Jun-11 20:52:38

I am a loner. I have a fantastic dp (even though he rinses his mince). Two beautiful dogs, (no dc's yet!!!)

I love spending time by myself. I relish the days that dp works away from home and i'm home alone (on my days off).

Is it really that bad to be a loner as long as i'm happy? grin

PredictableDullard Tue 21-Jun-11 20:53:48

what is rinsing your mince?

frownieface Tue 21-Jun-11 20:55:07

Haha sorry a previous thread I did (my dp rinses cooked mince tis' very weird)

TheFeministsWife Tue 21-Jun-11 20:55:12

Nope not at all, I'm quite a loner. I don't have any friends because well quite frankly I don't want all the hassle etc. I have a very close family, a lovely DH (who is also my best friend) and 3 lovely dds. I love socialising when the mood takes me and am quite the party animal when I've got a few down me. grin but mostly I love my own company.

AgentZigzag Tue 21-Jun-11 20:55:27

I'm a loner by choice, but I'm not lonely.

That's the key for me, if you're happy, don't give a stuff about how anyone else thinks you should be.

FreudianSlipper Tue 21-Jun-11 20:57:17

i am too

i need time alone, thats why for me i do not find being a single parent difficult. when ds stays at his dads i love my time that i have, more often than not i go out with friends and have just started seeing someone but do love time on my own just pottering around doing very little and shopping, i prefer shopping alone. i do not need to be around others all the time

PredictableDullard Tue 21-Jun-11 20:57:42

too right its weird - but re the other stuff, if you are happy it is all good

BehindLockNumberNine Tue 21-Jun-11 20:58:04

Snort! I read the 'rinsing the mince' thread. PredictableDullard - it is not a euphemism even though it sounds like one grin

I too am a loner. I love being on my own, I have always loved my own company. I used to turn down party invites or feign illness so as to get out of having to go.

I have a lovely dh (no mince rinsing though...) and two brilliant dc. No dog but am working on it.
I have few close friends (make that 2) and a handful (approx 5) of acquaintances with whom I may have coffee once in a blue moon.

And I am happy that way. I don't 'do' people. I love 'me and mine' time with my family.

I guess I am a loner and I am happy smile

FreudianSlipper Tue 21-Jun-11 20:58:39

i have an ex that used to rinse mince after it was cooked. weird behaviour

frownieface Tue 21-Jun-11 21:11:34

Like tonight dp has gone out to work, and i'm home alone(ish my doggy's are here smile) I'm watching the Gilmore Girls, (guilty grin) enjoying chocolate, and a bottle of red wine and am having a ball.

LRDTheFeministNutcase Tue 21-Jun-11 21:19:57

No, I think it's good, because if you enjoy your time alone you're less likely to get lonely. smile

Actually, something I really hate is the way that as a society we tell children it's bad to be 'a loner'. I went through most of school thinking there was something wrong with me and I was anti-social: realized I am actually quite sociable and outgoing, but do need time off to recharge my batteries and don't want to blather to the same people for 6 hours of the day! grin

And don't get me started on the bliss of a long, hot bath alone with a good book and the radio on .... lovely. Dammit I wish we had a bath in this flat!

fluffles Tue 21-Jun-11 21:22:20

some people are energised by time alone and some by time with people. it's natural. and the essential difference between introverts and extroverts (not, as sometimes thought about being 'quiet' or 'loud').

as long as your dp/dh and yourself have an understanding that's good.

i like being around people, i feel comfortable around people chatting, listening, relaxing, sometimes saying nothing... my DH on the other hand is gregarious and chatty and 'life and soul' but he finds it draining. he can't be with other people and just chill.. he always has to entertain.. except with me and one or two of his best friends. so i appreciate that he needs time away from people to relax.

frownieface Tue 21-Jun-11 21:23:41

LRDTheFeministNutcase that is very true! I do also believe it's sad that it's deemed a bad thing to be a loner.

Empusa Tue 21-Jun-11 21:23:44

Me too! Being around people exhausts me

orienteerer Tue 21-Jun-11 21:24:48

YANBU......but I need to know what "rinsing his mince" is?.....?

Ephiny Tue 21-Jun-11 21:26:06

I love having time to myself as well - I'm not completely anti-social and do enjoy going out and seeing friends, and love being with DP, but also need that time alone to 'recharge' as well. I don't mind having doggy company during my 'me-time' though smile

Nothing wrong with it at all, as long as you're happy and not feeling lonely.

frownieface Tue 21-Jun-11 21:26:59

Don't get me wrong, when I have to be social with people I will be. But to purposely not see 'friends' so I can spend time alone is THAT weird?

cjbartlett Tue 21-Jun-11 21:27:37

I'm the same
all the other school mums socialise togther
exercise togther fgs
while I sit at home on t'internet with my wine grin

FreudianSlipper Tue 21-Jun-11 21:28:04

i have felt lonely being out with friends, that is a horrible feeling. i think loneliness is often a state of mind

orienteerer Tue 21-Jun-11 21:28:18

I love my DH, my DS and our dog but I LOVE time alone.......but I must know about "rinsing mince"shock??

MumblingRagDoll Tue 21-Jun-11 21:29:00

I am a proper loner too. I feel very comfotable as a loner but I know DH wouldlove me to be more sociable. I have told him to feel free to invite people over etc but he wont take the initiative.

I like you...love to be in with my animals, the TV on or a good book...nice snack and myself! grin

I have a couple of close friends...that's all I need!

LRDTheFeministNutcase Tue 21-Jun-11 21:29:54

No, not weird at all frownie. Honestly, I think there are times when even the most extroverted person will go for the lure of a quiet hour with a book/guilty tv/long lie in.

quiddity Tue 21-Jun-11 21:30:11

Lucky you! I seem to be an extrovert with social phobia! confused
Hate being alone, would love to be with other people—if only I had anyone to be with. I have spent years trying to be ok on my own and made no progress at all.

frownieface Tue 21-Jun-11 21:30:21

Oh yeah 'rinsing mince' grin www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1240924-MN-Jury-please-say-I-am-not-bu

Ismeyes Tue 21-Jun-11 21:31:06

Fluffles is right, it is just being introverted. Society tends to place value on extrovert qualities, which can leave us introverts feeling 'strange'.

Maybe you should find out your Myer Briggs Personality Type?

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