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Feeling like a crap mum!

(19 Posts)
Fuzzled Tue 21-Jun-11 11:17:34

Hi all, long time lurker, but first time poster!

Forgive the light hearted tone, but this is a vaguely serious question. AIBU in that I feel that I'm alone in not knowing what to do with my DS, and thus feel like a bit of a crap mum? Actually, I watch Jeremy Kyle (look, my DS naps at this time and I can't find the remote wink) so I know I'm not a bad mum!

It's just at the moment I can't stop feeling like a small kid who's forgotten to do their homework! I have a gorgeous 9mo DS but someone appears to have forgotten to give me his manual!

It doesn't help that the group of mums I met via pre/post-natal groups all appear to have it sussed. I, on the other hand, seem to spend my days in comfy trousers and tops (with the obligatory blob of sick/drool which appears within nano seconds on me putting it on, even if DS is miles away!) and my nights trying to find a sleep routine that will work or at least give me an occasional nights sleep! And don't even get me started on working out what I should be feeding him and when... confused (DH is really brilliant, but is at work all day so I do the bulk of the childcare, although he does give me breaks at the weekend.)

So please, raise your hand if you are also in this canoe - the one with no paddle and a hole! Or at least tell me it does get better (LIE if you have to!)

And tell me... is 11am too early for some wine?! wink

M0naLisa Tue 21-Jun-11 11:20:36

4years ago i could have written that post myself lol have i gone back in time and posted? haha

You are not a crap mum you are a good mum. Kids dont come with manuals we have to tune into them and my god my oldest is 5 in september and im still trying to tune in to what channel he is on some days. grin

Stay strong you sound like your doing fabulous smile

Yeahhh wine too early but have a drop of baileys in your coffee instead wink

Feggy Tue 21-Jun-11 11:21:32

Raises hand and passes the wine.

Wind for my 8.5mo DS.

SleepySuzy Tue 21-Jun-11 11:24:41

Oo can I join? I'm on my second DD and still haven't a clue. I never get it right when she's crying. You are not alone!

Stars82 Tue 21-Jun-11 11:25:21

nope not too early at all...I'll pass you my wine glass smile

You are far from a crap mum, I felt exactly the same when my DS was little, everyone said 'oh it will just come to you and you'll know what to do with DS'' etc....... Well it felt like it took bloody ages

I'd see mums at coffee mornings looking like they were going to the bloody Oscars lol and there was me, hair scrapped back in a pony tail, joggers on, slurping from an EXTRA strong coffee lol

It does sound like a Cliche but it will click, you are finding your feet etc. Motherhood is far from an easy task and I will throw my hot STRONG coffee on anyone who say's its a walk in the park.

What you are feeling is extremely normal and understandable smile

On a serious note though, have you talked to DH about your worries? Do you manage to get out during the day etc? Have you thought about getting something just for you possibly in the evenings i.e Zumba club etc, you may need time on your own to make you realise what a fantastic job you are actually doing x

M0naLisa Tue 21-Jun-11 11:25:56

My two are 4 and 3 and sometimes i find myself searching for a manual that i think i may have being given but mislaid lol

mum23girlys Tue 21-Jun-11 11:27:50

Aww big hug. Think you should maybe post on chat too as there's quite a lot of mum's over there with young babies.

Things do get easier and in my experience some of the mum's you meet at these groups can make life worse as they all compare and compete against each other and end up making you feel like s*#t to be honest. I went to begin with but would come home crying and dh eventually banned me from going as it made me feel worse. Eventually found some like minded mum's and have befriended them instead. Got twins who are 5 and a 7 month old too. Definately been much easier this time round tho as I've only 1 baby and have to get out door in morning to get older 2 to school. So don't have the same sitting about time where I worry about doing it all wrong lol. I probably am doing things wrong but all my kid's are happy, clean and fed so reckon I've done fine!

My like minded friends (ie the ones who don't frown at me for drinking wine) have been my saviour as hubby works away from home and things can get really lonely

Hope you're ok. oh and baby food jars are fine. Eek will prob get flamed for that but honestly my girls are all very tall and not overweight or unhealthy so don't worry about not having time or not being able to do the whole fresh organic veg thing all the time (or ever lol)

MumblingRagDoll Tue 21-Jun-11 11:28:04

Is the wine thing a joke? confused

M0naLisa Tue 21-Jun-11 11:29:36

mumbling

Errrr yeah!!

TakeMeDrunkImHome Tue 21-Jun-11 11:35:19

Nooo everyone is pissed and drinking wine at 11 am. <lighten up much emoticon>

Fuzzled Tue 21-Jun-11 11:40:39

Yep, wine was a joke! grin

It's not all bad, just that you'll get a couple of days where it seems like you've got a clue and can see a routine smile ... and then the rules change and I'm back feeling totally bamboozled! confused

And probably, I do look in control when I'm out too - I have a stash of clean, relatively uncrumpled ironed clothes and I always play down the lack of control "oh yes, he was up last night... teeth, poor lamb" blush

DH is also aware of my confused state, but he sees it as an adventure - I see it as me not being a good mum if I can't work out what DS wants within nanoseconds!

Bigglewinkle Tue 21-Jun-11 11:42:40

I totally feel like that too, some days. And I was v wobbly with DS1. Having spent my life working and feeling in control of my day, suddenly this little person turned my well ordered world upside down.
I now have a DD and it's chaos some days!
Hugs to you and you'll get there! At least that's what I tell myself!!

BellaDesconocida Tue 21-Jun-11 11:56:22

Aaaw, I've felt like this, it's so crazy, the most important job in the world really, and we're just expected to get on with it, sometimes with no prior experience whatsoever. I don't think new mums get told often enough what a great job they do.

You are doing a great job!

I know what you mean about other mums seeming to have it sussed, although maybe they are all thinking the same thing about you! I met a mum to a 7 week old, she looked absolutely fantastic, I was a haggard zombie when DD was that age, I'm sure.

Do you have some groups to go to? Local sure start had some great ones, but have cancelled the outsourced ones due to cuts (signing & baby massage), but still have sing a long sessions and baby gym, for example. I really enjoy having a good old sing song [possibly slightly sad but doesn't care emoticon].

LauLauLemon Tue 21-Jun-11 15:43:20

You are not alone.

I have a fabulous DH and although I do a lot of the childcare as I don't work, I still don't know what to do at times. It's hard enough tuning in to the children and providing for them (DD1 has just turned 3 and DD2 is 6 months) let alone keep on top of the housework, find time to even find clean clothes, shower, put make-up on/look half decent. I still find it a struggle and at first I thought I was just 'not maternal' but it turns out I AM maternal, it's just a difficult job at times.

Pass the wine. It's almost four o'clock which means it's almost FIVE o'clock and by that logic I can have wine. ;D.

You are doing a fantastic job and just by you coming here and expressing your worries and looking for other like minded mum's you're showing yourself and everyone how much you care and want to be your best. You ARE the best, I promise.

jojodancer Tue 21-Jun-11 15:59:52

I could've written your OP, fuzzled

I just think I'm 'getting' by, our DD is a perfect little angel and I'm still struggling to think I'm a good mum. My friends with DCs roughly the same age seem to have everything so sorted...

DD2 due in 9 weeks and I'm absolutely shitting myself.

LauLau, WTF is housework? grin My house used to be like a showhouse, now it's lucky if it gets hoovered once a week, and don't get me started on the layer of dust everywhere!

LauLauLemon Tue 21-Jun-11 16:12:21

Housework is something I like to utter as DH stands up with a sweeping brush and mop. It's like a command. I don't know what it means but it makes DH move :D.

Omigawd Tue 21-Jun-11 16:20:18

You don't meed a manual, you need Pinot Grigio smile

Re sleep patterns, just when you have it sussed the liitle buggers DC change again. In the Old Days they put alcohol in the Gripe Watre (in fact some countries still do....), I sometimes wondered....

We moved to one bottle a night quite early on so DH could do the late night feed in the week and I could sleep a bit longer, have you tried that?

Greatdomestic Tue 21-Jun-11 16:22:48

Ha ha, I could also have written this myself when dc was tiny. don't put yourself down. If parenting was easy, everyone would be doing a fantastic job every day and feel no moments of doubt.

This stage will pass. And those other mums who seem to have it sussed are just muddling along too. I think it's important to get out when you can, join a yoga class or go for a swim - or whatever floats your boat and ask for help when you need it.

And you are doing a fabulous jobsmile

Fuzzled Tue 21-Jun-11 17:29:38

Thank you all! At least I know I'm not alone.
I think it's just difficult to get perspective when I'm with DS 24 hours a day as we have no family close and DH is out of the house from 7am until 6pm, then it's our dinner, then bedtime, then tidy, then bed for us, then up with DS through night... then start again! confused
I don't think I've been away from DS for more than 4 hours at a time since he was born - and then it was for work sad
I just keep thinking that if we could get him to nap in his cot/sleep through, then my life might start to feel more normal! grin

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