Feeling sick with guilt(245 Posts)
Last week I went on a family holiday with 2 cousins, 3 aunts, one uncle and my grandmother. It was a coach trip and before we even went everyone had stuck the knife into one aunt inparticular and were going on about how they hoped she didn't gab our heads off on the bus, embarrass us and general natter and be annoying. The morning we were waiting for the bus this aunt was stood there with her bag, big smile on face looking really happy and excited. My uncle went up behind her and shouted "DUH!" in her ear. She flinched and the rest of us fell about laughing. She said "what did you do that for?" so everyone started having a go at her telling her to lighten up and not spoil the holiday by whinging. She went quiet and just stood there on her own waiting for the bus. When it arrived we all started pretend arguining about who would sit next to her. She got really mad and told us all to fuck off on our own and she was happy sitting alone, infact she prefered it. My other aunts then started teasing her telling her not to cry etc and laughing. So she's sat there reading her book and everytime the bus went passed farms etc they all shouted at her to stop farting and the other passengers was laughing at her too. At one point I looked at her and she was crying silently. I stopped taking part at this point and felt awful. The others however carried it on all through the holiday chucking things at her on the bus, my uncle emptied her bag all over the coridoor and said it was an accident but then kicked her pants over the banister in front of a load of other guests and my grandma kept blaming my aunt saying she was spoiling it for everyone by being grumpy. On the wednesday we were due to go on a day trip and everyone told my aunt that we had to catch the bus at 9am. Later that night I got a text saying it had been changed to 8am. I assumed my aunt knew but they didn't tell her and we left without her so she was stuck in the hotel on her own all day.
thursday morning she put a note through my grandmas door saying she had arranged transport home and she was really upset at the way she'd been treated. So she left 2 days early. We got back saturday morning and the others have done nothing but laugh about my poor aunt and say how she made the whole thing miles better than it would have been normally.
I feel sick with guilt but wasn't involved in most of it, I want to apologise but I want everyone else to apologise too. AIBU in holding off until everyone else says sorry too?
You should say something sooner rather than waiting
YABU for not sticking up for her. Sorry. Take her some flowers and show her that you care.
Jesus. This can't be true. Adults behaving that way? If it is true, yes, you should be feeling sick with guilt and so should everyone else. You should apologise pronto regardless of whether the rest do it.
I think I'd cut off all links to the rest of the family - they sound absolutely vile. Your poor aunt - what on earth makes anyone think this behaviour is funny?
You don't sound especially 'sick with guilt' if you've not even apologised yet. You just sound defensive of your behaviour.
It's rare for me to comment on such threads but you SHOULD be sick with guilt. The only embarassing people on that coach were you and your family - minus this aunt. What shameful, school-yard treatment; you're bullies. In sincerely hope that your children don't witness this type of thing. Shame on you.
I am saddened that you left it until you noticed she was crying before you stopped
You can only control your behaviour, not the others. If it was me I would apologise profusely to her and completely drop the rest of the family as they sound like narcissistic, cruel, ego maniac, abhorrent, bullies.
YABU. You need to apologise, if only for not sticking upfor her as it doesn't sound like you were being nasty like the others.
Each person is responsible for their own behaviour and it is the group mentatlity that allowed this to happen, so the group mentality needs to go and you need to apologise for yourself.
How awful. Your poor aunt. She must have paid quite a lot of money for her holiday and it has been ruined, on purpose, by her own family. If it was me, I don't think I would ever get over something like that and would never see my family in the same light again - unless, of course this is how they have always treated her.
You bunch of bullies!!
yes apologise to her. For God's sake - you even have to ask????
Sounds like an episode of Shameless. Your poor aunt.
bunch of bitches. you included. thats really horrible i hope you felt big inside and now feel fucking awful.
thats bullying, if thats how they treat family i hope they dont have children
Basically you were colluding with bullying. The behaviour of your family sounds pathetic and juvenile. I feel really sorry for your aunt. You should apologise on your own behalf.
That's so cruel! Well done for knowing when to back off, but (without sounding too bitchy about it...) why not say something when she started to be really affected by it? It's so horrible to be excluded in this way - if it were me in your position I'd apologise for my own actions and for not speaking up. I'd then have your auntie try tackling every other member of your family individually (with you there as support of course!) to say exactly why she was so upset, and if they couldn't accept that they were so horrible to her and that it wasn't "Just a joke", then she wouldn't see them any more until they apologised.
Does this go on often? Is it the "done thing" in your family to pick on someone specific? Because if it is, then they aren't very nice people.
Disgusting behaviour, make your apology to your aunt and repair your relationship with her, and next time they start on someone leave them to it and walk away!
How old are these people? Is this a joke thread? Are you talking about a bunch of 4 year olds?
I think this must be a wind up.
Yes YABU in waiting for everyone else to apologise too. You know what you've done is wrong. I am at your family thinking this is an acceptable way to behave. It's appalling. I wouldn't blame your aunt for never wanting to see any of you ever again. Not standing up for her is complicit behaviour and is still not excusable (though more understandable). Your only redeeming feature is that you feel guilty, but that means nothing unless you act on it and apologise. You don't have to apologise for the others - I doubt they're capable of feeling remorse TBH - just yourself.
If I were your aunt I think I'd cut myself off. That's not family behaviour, it's real bullying. I don't think much of any of you, quite honestly, why did you stand by and let your aunt stand alone in her misery?
If you really feel guilty then do something, really do something. At the next family occasion - if there is one - stick up for your aunt. In the meantime go and see her, apologise, think of a good reason why you didn't stick up for her because you're going to have to give it.
Badly done, OP, really badly done.
Bloody hell! I hope she has the strength to tell you lot where to go.
Then again, you should go to her and apologize for being a twunt. And then grovel a lot more and stand up for her next time your dreadful family continue like that.
You and the rest of your family should feel ashamed of yourselves.
I think the whole lot of you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. What on earth had the poor woman done to deserve this? Presumably she even paid for the joy of being mercilessly bullied on her holiday. I can't believe that the whole coach joined in laughing at her, are you sure that happened?
Of course you should be apologising to her, the whole sorry bunch of you shoudl be. Hopefully she'll tell the gang of you to bugger off and go and find her some friends who will treat her more kindly than her family do.
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