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to just hit 'delete' ont this group of people?

(9 Posts)
eandz Mon 20-Jun-11 13:02:03

Over a year, I've tried to make friends with American Muslim Women in London (I too am an American Muslim Woman who has married a British man and now I live in London). My attempts have failed pretty badly. I often feel that many people who attribute religious views to their lives can at times be very very judegmental and horribly mean. I always try not to be judgemental, and let general absurdities slide. I do want muslim friends, and I would like more company...Although, in reality I'm starting to think that all religions are pretty much equal, maybe I should pick another religion.

The Christian and Jewish/other women of other or no faiths are ridiculously nice!

For the past year, I've been friends with one specific woman who has been quite kind (in the other thread she is named Sunshine). She's a nice and happy person and I do like her.

However, I hate hanging out with her alone because she brings up the fact that she's in that specific clique and they are all very nice and supportive of her(they have all been evil/vile towards me)and when I go to one of her events, everyone is generally invited to another party the next day by another member of this clique and everyone talks about the next hang out party.

On Saturday another woman I've been trying to be kind to was blatantly taking rsvp's infront of my face for her party the next day! A few months before she invited me and then disinvited me to a bbq because (she blamed the weather, but I figured it was because she didn't want me there anyway).

I Didn't take it too seriously as I'm quite used to this terrible treatment. I think I've only taken it for soo long because my parents taught me to be nice and kind to everyone and give everyone chances. At this point though, I'm done with being the schmuck.

However,Saturday was the last straw, I felt dismissed and belittled and for once I just figured, fuck it it--I love my life too much to deal with people like this. I felt like I did make a good effort, but also felt like maybe these women all met each other at some convention for 'angry wives'. I often think of them as the 'angry beaver brigade'.

Objectively though, I am a few years younger than the youngest member of that group (3 years and 12 years younger than the oldest member) and I am the only one with a child. Sunshine is the only one who is openly admitting to being on fertility treatment. So maybe they are just depressed about fertility/being older?

I do have a concurent thread with a much different scenario running that does include the mystery of someone trying to pitt me against my husband.

Pumpernickel10 Mon 20-Jun-11 13:05:39

Confused.com

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 20-Jun-11 13:07:08

TBH, I don't understand a lot of your post.
FWIW, I am friendly with people from all sorts of religious backgrounds due to the nature of DDs school. Today I spoke to a Muslim woman on the phone, tomorrow DD is having a day out with her Hindu friend and on Wednesday a Jain girl is coming over to play.
I would not confine myself to one specific group TBH.
With regard to the woman 'blatently' taking RSVPs from people, have you considered she may not like you? We can't all get on with everyone.

Pumpernickel10 Mon 20-Jun-11 13:16:26

That's why I put confused.com kreecher
simplify it for us please op

MorelliOrRanger Mon 20-Jun-11 13:23:10

eh?

Friendships shouldn't be hard work.

ILoveYouToo Mon 20-Jun-11 13:30:43

Why have you posted this twice? confused

It isn't any easier to understand the second time, either... confused

Kallista Mon 20-Jun-11 13:38:21

To me it sounds like you just don't have enough in common.
Just being the same nationality and religion doesn't mean you will fit in with the group and they sound like a tight clique.
Do you go to a local mosque regularly? Are there any different women there to get to know?
Including british women who can show you round.
I think you need to look for friends based on shared interests or maybe through your DC's school. Just relax and don't try too hard.

CrapolaDeVille Mon 20-Jun-11 13:41:20

People from all walks can be cliquey, but you would think the generosity of a religious spirit would be greater.....but they never are, they're human!!

Find some other friends, and perhaps think if you were still in the States would you bother with any of these people?

eandz Mon 20-Jun-11 21:28:11

i posted this twice completely by accident. and didn't realize it till now. sorry!

xxx, this was really just supposed to be a cathartic writing thing. embarrassed

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