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AIBU? Hormonal? Selfish or just plain pregnant?

(10 Posts)
Newmummytobe79 Mon 20-Jun-11 12:56:20

I’m feeling really down after missing a friends birthday night on Saturday. By the end of the day I felt in pain (baby moved under rib) and had heartburn so bad it felt like I was drinking battery acid, so DH and I decided to stay in. We’re also both in our overdrafts until payday and we decided that we couldn’t really justify paying for an expensive meal and alcoholic drinks (for him) when I’d probably want to come home at 10pm and be in pain all night. I sent our apologies and wished her a fantastic night – to which she replied she was disappointed but hoped I felt better soon.

All fine … but I just feel like my friends think I’m using pregnancy as an excuse not to go out. I’m not and in all honesty this is the only night I’ve turned down (except avoiding a night drinking when I had just found out I was pregnant but didn’t want to tell anyone until after I was 12 weeks).

Am I just having an off day and feeling paranoid or am I feeling guilty because I missed a friend’s birthday and should have pushed myself harder to go out?

I’m 30 weeks by the way – if that makes any difference?

WobblyHalo Mon 20-Jun-11 13:01:14

Aw, I feel for you. I don't think YABU. People just don't understand sometimes. I have the opposite problem. I'm trying to get out and people keep cancelling on me at the very last minute and it's starting to do my head in.

Just relax. That friend will understand when she is pregnant one day or if she's already had a baby she's just having a momentary lapse in memory.

You're alright, and you must do what's best for you.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 20-Jun-11 13:01:55

Oh, you're broke and in pain and tired, of course you don't have to go. I always say, if it's a good friend who can't come to something, that I'm disappointed as well - but I mean it like 'I like your company and wish you were here' because i don't want to reply 'fine, whatever, we'll have as much fun without you'.

You're fine. And yes, probably hormonal.

Deliaskis Mon 20-Jun-11 13:03:34

You know what, you can cross selfish off your list for a start. I never realised until I was pregnant how draining it can be, and how much you really sometimes just need to focus on looking after yourself - if that's eating right, getting enough sleep, TLC etc. then so be it. Don't beat yourself up over it. Some people sail through pregnancy 'glowing' and feeling fantastic. I didn't. Give yourself a break.

D

sprinkles77 Mon 20-Jun-11 13:13:02

YANBU. Look after yourself, your friends will understand, and moreover would not want you to come out if not well. If they think otherwise you might want to look at new friends! And good on your DH for staying in with you, not that you'd expect anything less!

Newmummytobe79 Mon 20-Jun-11 13:15:17

Thanks for the kind words smile I know I'm being tough on myself but I also hate letting friends down. I have a present for her so I think I'll pop round soon and hopefully that'll make up for it smile

I didn't realise I'd feel this tired either! But I'm guessing this is just mother natures way of warming me up for the near future!

dreamingbohemian Mon 20-Jun-11 13:16:04

Do you normally feel guilty very easily? Because I think it's a bit OTT to feel guilty about this...you were sick and broke, why would you go out? I'm sure your friend still had a great time and won't hold it against you.

I was dreadfully sick throughout my pregnancy and missed loads of stuff. That's life, right? My friends understood and it was no problem picking up again once I felt better.

I wonder if deep down you are just sad you missed a chance to go out? I don't know why you would feel paranoid, surely sick and pregnant is a perfectly good excuse not to go out.

Thefoxsbrush Mon 20-Jun-11 13:16:11

Yanbu- I felt like this when I was pregnant but forced myself to go out. My friends who are pregnant now say they don't know how I did it!

Just relax and enjoy your last few months of pregnancy xxx

dreamingbohemian Mon 20-Jun-11 13:17:21

x-post

Yes you are being too hard on yourself!

Try to take it easy. You really want to get some rest now, while you still can smile

WhoAteMySnickers Mon 20-Jun-11 13:17:26

YANBU, but neither is your friend. Her message back to you sounds completely fine. You're reading too much into her "disappointed" comment.

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