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Husband of a friend telling off my child

(800 Posts)
900cherry Sun 19-Jun-11 23:16:29

I was invited out this morning with some neighbours who are good friends. The husband is known to be snappy and to have little patience with his own children.
In the space of an hour, he told my 4 year old daughter to 'stop whining' and in a cafe, he snapped at her to 'OI, STOP THAT' when she kicked him under the table ( she was doing it playfully). My daughter burst into tears and came and sat on my lap. When his wife, who is a good friend, commented to him to calm down, he agressively responded 'Its not my problem if she's crying cos I told her off for not kicking me. She can deal with it'.

She is 4.

I said nothing as I didn't want to upset his wife, who I know was mortified.

I really want to email him tomorrow to tell him how inappropriate and uncalled for it was. AIBU? What would you do?

PS. The ironic thing is, he has an obnoxious daughter who is really badly behaved and I say nothing!

CRS Sun 19-Jun-11 23:19:30

Sorry - I think YABU. If my child was kicking an adult, "Oi, stop it!" would be fine for me.

fairydoll Sun 19-Jun-11 23:19:52

If she kicked him under the table then it was NOT uncalled for!!
Seriously why do people have such an issue with people telling their kids off???

iMemoo Sun 19-Jun-11 23:20:30

Sorry but you should have been telling your child off for kicking.

900cherry Sun 19-Jun-11 23:21:31

there are ways of saying it. He was agressive.

EmsieRo Sun 19-Jun-11 23:21:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing Sun 19-Jun-11 23:21:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CRS Sun 19-Jun-11 23:22:40

Well, when you get a sharp kick to the shin, it might be a difficult to calmly and sweetly say "I'd rather you didn't do that, now, there's a love". It hurts!

900cherry Sun 19-Jun-11 23:23:14

imeemoo, I didn't see it.
She's not a kicker, she would have been doing it playfully.

I agree, telling off other people's kids is prob ok, but not shouting at them.

Clary Sun 19-Jun-11 23:23:20

Oooh I'd be in your bad books for sure.

Am always telling off other people's kids. You're not allowed to jump on the sofas in this house for example - and I don't mind if you're my child or someone else's, or if you're 14 or 4, I'll tell you!

In this case, if a child is kicking me, playfully or not, I would tell them to stop.

An email would be uncalled for tbh. Sorry but YABU.

bubblecoral Sun 19-Jun-11 23:23:34

If your 4yo kicked me, I would tell them to stop it too.

It sounds like he was sightly agressive, which was uncalled for, but if that's just the way he talks then it probably just means that he's not that good with children, that's all.

But he had every right to tell her off. At 4yo, she should be capable of dealing with that. Is she particularly sensitive?

michglas Sun 19-Jun-11 23:24:11

Maybe he was annoyed that you weren't keeping your daughter in check, and so he felt he had no alternative but to tell her off. Even a playful kick can be bloody annoying, and personally i'd be mortified if my children went round kicking other adults even as a young child.

SecretNutellaFix Sun 19-Jun-11 23:25:06

What the hell makes your daughter so special she can go around kicking people? Playfully or not?

If he has a child that is obnoxious towards you, then say something at the time. Don't play the martyr.

Mum2Luke Sun 19-Jun-11 23:25:11

I would have told her off (not like he did) by going down to her level and explaining that kicking is not nice and that it hurt, perhaps showing a bruise if any.

I have no problem with other adults telling my child off providing they come to me and tell me what he was doing before he changes it around. He was told off for running in church the other week, it could have caused an accident so I also told him off and took an hour off his Wii time for answering me back.

iMemoo Sun 19-Jun-11 23:25:39

playfully kicking? hmm how about I give you a playful slap? Knock some sense into you?

DogsBestFriend Sun 19-Jun-11 23:25:58

He was rude for complaining about your DD "whining". It grates on me too but it isn't my place to tell other's children off for it. He wasn't out of order to speak as he did about your DD kicking him though, playfully or not. I'd have done the same and would have expected a similar response from a kicked adult if I'd been in your shoes.

Beware emailing him. Apart from it being taken as cowardly and causing more ill feeling as a result he might just turn round and say that he was expecting you to admonish your DD and that he felt you were rude to him and allowed your daughter to be ill mannered by not pulling her up on it. It's not acceptable to allow your child to kick unless the adult concerned is "up for a game" and is playfully kicking back. Your friend didn't care to play games and so you should have stopped your daughter and not left it to him to do it.

basingstoke Sun 19-Jun-11 23:26:36

It doesn't sound like you are that good friends TBH.

Pictish Sun 19-Jun-11 23:26:39

Sorry I think you're probably being unreasonable too.

I couldn't care less if the kick was playful - it would still annoy the fuck out of me, and I would've put your little cherub straight too. Get over it.

900cherry Sun 19-Jun-11 23:26:46

I'm astonished that so many lack tolerance with small kids! I don't shout agressively at my own kids, certainly not other people's. I am obviously in the minority..

bubblecoral Sun 19-Jun-11 23:27:03

Why are you trying to justify your child kicking an adult by saying it was playful?

Whether or not she mean it 'playfully', she shoudn't have been doing it, people don't like being kicked and therfore deserved to be told. Just because it was fun for her does not mean that it should be fun for anyone else she chooses to kick 'playfully'.

michglas Sun 19-Jun-11 23:27:31

You obviously don't tell your child off either, otherwise she would have learnt it's not acceptable to kick adults

Animation Sun 19-Jun-11 23:28:02

He sounds like a bad tempered thing to me.

Laquitar Sun 19-Jun-11 23:28:06

What did you do when she burst into tears?

ChaoticAngelofLitha Sun 19-Jun-11 23:28:07

Well tbh I wouldn't be impressed at a child kicking me either. At 4 she's old enough to know not to do it, playfully or not hmm

SecretNutellaFix Sun 19-Jun-11 23:28:20

Sometimes certain behaviour should not be tolerated at any age. Biting, kicking, punching and spitting are some of those.

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