I am aware that this should probably be in mental health but I wanted more traffic so more replies. A thread I posted on earlier has got me thinking.
DD2 was stillborn and was a much wanted sister for DD1. I found out I was pregnant again 2 months after we lost her (fuck knows how that happened ), we later found out it was twins. It was not planned, I was not ready for it and we were so deep in grief, it seems like I sleepwalked through the pregnancy. I gave birth 10 months after the stillbirth.
They told us one was definitely a boy and the other they were not sure of. I desperately hoped for a girl. He was a boy! Now straight after the birth I felt like I'd won the lottery but that soon wore off. I'm not sure if it was because they were such hard work or because they were boys but I realise now I resented them and still do to a point. Even though they are 9 now, I still find them very difficult to deal with. They don't listen to a word I say and I have very little patience and shout a lot which I hate myself for. I am starting to wonder whether their behaviour to due to the fact that they sense my underlying resentment. Don't get me wrong, they are very happy kids, not neglected in any way and know they are loved.
I was desperate to give DD a sister and felt like I'd failed her. She was well aware of the stillbirth (4 years old) and was not impressed with them being boys.
I have recently had another baby boy (last one and I secretly hoped it would be a girl)and am over the moon with him but still get so sad that I ended up with another boy.
DD was disappointed too and still talks about DD2. I so wanted her to have a sister and feel like crap about it. I am actually jealous of women who are pregnant with girls I am ashamed to say.
All my boys are much loved and I feel blessed but I really can't seem to get over the fact that I won't have another girl. I know I have unresolved issues about my stillbirth which counselling has not helped with. It was not straight forward and I have posted about it on this thread.
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/1240689-Is-this-the-norm-in-UK.
I need to get over it but I don't know how?
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AIBU?
wanted a 2nd girl but ended up with 3 boys - tell me IABU and need to move on.
24 replies
RuddyNora · 19/06/2011 23:05
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