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To think they should take a hint and leave??

(51 Posts)
WhiteTrash Sun 19-Jun-11 16:02:28

The in laws came down today, takes an hr and 15 mins to get here from their house so its not a million miles away but its far enough. They arrived at 11.30, so half an hr and a cup of tea later I pack up ds1 (4 years) and ds2 (4 weeks) and we all head off to the local for a roast.

Its very popular, totally packed, takes half an hour to get served, half hour to get the food another half hour to get more drinks. We expected this wait, its a good pub, nice food and its worth it. Both kids were good as gold.

We leave 2.5 hours later, when we get home it all goes to shit. Ds2 is done behaving and goes mental, over excited, going mad. Pulling toys around, getting down his bean bag chair, weeing on it. Yanking his toys out, spitting at his dad, (its a bit of an attention thing we're just having to ride out since ds2 came along.) all the while ds2 is tired, grumpy crying on my shoulder, ds1 screaming round my legs because his dad just bent his ear about spitting and the in laws are just sat there in silence hanging out on my sofa witg their feet up. We had been home a good half hour, we hadnt just got through the door and they arent that ancient (60).

If that was me at a friend or families Id see that the family had reached their tether end and it was my cue to let them get on.

AIBU? Do they really need me or dp to say "ok guys, off you go?"

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 19-Jun-11 16:05:14

I expect they're waiting for you to make them a cup of tea. That's what mine do, completely oblivious to what is going on around them.


messymammy Sun 19-Jun-11 16:08:54

Something similar has happened to me with childless friends of mine...I'd never say that they should leave, but I do say "oh, its been a long day, nearly bed time/nap time/bath time/quiet time" etc and certainly imply it!

Worse with inlaws of course.
YANBU,ask them to stick the kettle on if they're having tea,you're a bit busy?

domesticdiva Sun 19-Jun-11 16:10:07

Pass them DS2 for a cuddle, you and your DH get your coats on and say "thanks for minding them we're off back down to the pub seem to have left bag/pram/(any random object you HAVE to get straight away and will take at least 2 hours and may come back abit squiffy!) grin

WhiteTrash Sun 19-Jun-11 16:10:50

They were, you're right. Dp made them a cup of tea and they just went. But that was reay stressful for us all and a little embarassing. I think they shoukd have got their cup if tea at home. Especially since they'd had a coffee just as we'd left the pub.

WhiteTrash Sun 19-Jun-11 16:14:02

Domesticdiva I like your thinking.

notimetotidy Sun 19-Jun-11 16:17:04

Ok, your ils (your husband's mum and dad) have driven approx 60/70 miles to visit; they've been with you for four and a half hours and now you want rid of them. The kids just sound like they are overexcited. How about going for a walk or something or even out into the garden with a ball. Have you tried actually speaking to your ils and suggesting going outside to do something - or are they supposed to be like all the other ILs on mumsnet and be mind readers! And, if everything is going to ratshit so much how come you have time to come on here?

GnomeDePlume Sun 19-Jun-11 16:26:59

I think sometimes its a generation thing (though 60 seems a bit young for it). I know that my PiL would feel as though they were being rude if they 'rushed off'.

Perhaps worth discussing with your DP and having a plan so that your DP can discretely say 'look, the kids are now a bit tired, would you mind helping yourselves to a drink if you want one before you go but we need to now get the kids settled down'.

This should be said without you present so that it is a conversation between DP and his parents.

DH and I have the rule that I am responsible for managing my mother and he is responsible for managing his parents. It works for us.

MumblingRagDoll Sun 19-Jun-11 16:27:11

Oooh mine do this! Mine actually FALL ASLEEP on MY sofa! Yeuch.

Open all the wndows. give the DS his loudest toys and go into the kitchen.

BertieBasset Sun 19-Jun-11 16:52:28

If you invited them back they would assume you would give them a drink I would think? My mum and dad would think it rude to rush off too and would go after a cup of tea.

WhiteTrash Sun 19-Jun-11 16:53:55

Notimetotidy. I had time to come on here because I said "Ive had enough" when both kids were clinging to me screaming, and took ds2 upstairs to bed.

Psychic has nothing to do with it. Im not psychic, but I know when enough is enough round someones house.

bibbitybobbityhat Sun 19-Jun-11 16:55:42

I'm on your il's side, actually.

11.30 to just after lunch - doesn't sound like much of a visit. Why should they feel they have to leave because your dc are being naughty?

Zipitydoda Sun 19-Jun-11 17:07:51

They should have been the ones making you both a cup of tea and taking the baby for a bit so you can deal with your eldest.

Gay40 Sun 19-Jun-11 17:12:40

Before children: I'd have sat and waited for my cup of tea.
Now I am a parent: I'd get stuck in distracting DS1 or walking about with DS2 or generally getting out of the way and doing something to help until they get it sorted. I wouldn't necessarily have got up and left.

Danthe4th Sun 19-Jun-11 17:21:52

Perhaps they were hoping to spend a bit of time with you and dp if the kids were off to bed.

JudysJudgement Sun 19-Jun-11 17:50:14

perhaps they felt embarrassed that you couldnt manage the kids very well sad and sat there awkwardly not knowing what to do for the best

chicletteeth Sun 19-Jun-11 17:53:50

Just a quick question, if this was your mum and dad, would you have expected them to do the same, and would you be cross if they hadn't.

Personally I don't see the big deal, kids play up, you IL's will know this given that they've had kids.

Did you roll their eyes at you, give you dirty looks, or in any way intervene?

Why are you so stressed about a kid playing up anyway?

chicletteeth Sun 19-Jun-11 17:53:58

Oh yeah, YABU

WhiteTrash Sun 19-Jun-11 18:00:13

Arent most mums a bit stressed when they havent slept more than a couple of hours each night since their baby was born 4 weeks ago, have one crying on your shoulder because of tiredness, one clinging to my leg after a toy throwing tantrum and weeing on his bean bag chair? No? Just me that would find that stressful?

For the previous poster who asked wwid if it were my parent, tbh id have more bollocks to say enoughs enough but I dont know the il's like I know them.

Zimm Sun 19-Jun-11 19:20:43

Op has a FOUR WEEK old baby! At that stage surely any visit longer than 2 hours is a big strain? I would totally have expected my in-laws to either make their own tea and then go home or just go straight home. Op I think you are a saint to host ILs for this long when you are still in the official post natal recovery period. And yes maybe it would have been different if they were your own parents but that is how it goes - women who have recently given birth are better placed to cope with their own parents. YANBU.

Nanny0gg Sun 19-Jun-11 19:40:42

I bet they felt really welcome...

chicletteeth Sun 19-Jun-11 19:41:20

You mentioned nothing of your tiredness at all and didn't indicate that this was a problem. I have three myself so have been exactly where you are. If I was tired, I would simply excuse myself and make no apologies for it but that doesn't to me make your IL's unreasonable.

So really, this is a bit of non-thread because your problem really is that you are/were tired which is not the impression you gave at all. If doesn't sound like too stressful a day to me to be honest, but we're all different..

In answer to your above question, would I find that behaviour from my own children, stressful (either in the presence of family or not)? No, I wouldn't. I'd be down at the first hurdle if that's all it took to set me off. I really don't think it sounds that bad!

chicletteeth Sun 19-Jun-11 19:42:02

lack of punctuation and typo's in last post - sorry

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 Sun 19-Jun-11 19:46:52

Maybe not leave necessarily but at least bloody muck in! They could distract ds1 or bath either of the dcs, or keep you two supplied with brews couldn't they?


JoySzasz Sun 19-Jun-11 19:48:47

I feel very sorry for you,mega stressful... but might

I suggest that maybe they thought it would be rude if they just left?

It would have looked like they had just eaten and buggered off, when the afternoon got heatedsmile

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