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to not give him a Fathers Day card?

(20 Posts)
L8rAllig8r Sat 18-Jun-11 18:42:27

Will try and be brief! DS is 2.5. ExP and I split when he was 10 months, due to his cheating. He has been a real arse at times since then with regard to contact (not turning up, lateness etc) but after a talk just before Christmas has been making much more effort and things have much improved. He now sees DS for 2 days a week, for 8 hours each day. He is not in a position to have him overnight due to living arrangements, but tbh has never asked for overnight contact so don't even think he wants it. As a consequence I have very little opportunity for a social life, but DS comes first and I don't mind.

So today he asks to have DS for an extra hour, til 7 instead of 6. I didn't question why, I just said yes that's fine. Then at 5.40 he texts and says 'finished earlier than expected, is it ok to bring DS back at 6 as normal?' I said yes, as having DS isn't an issue to me, but it has left me seriously annoyed with exP. I feel like he should be glad of an extra hour with DS, not ditching him cos a better offer has come along. Why would he turn down that extra hour?!

He gave me a mothers day card from DS, and I had bought DS one to give (DS has no concept of fathers day so not for his benefit, only got it as exP gave me the one on mothers day so I felt I should) but now I think if you're not going to act like a proper dad, I'm not going to give you the f*ing card! Being a dad isn't the 10-6 experience he seems to think it is. Bringing him back and acting like the extra hour was a pain rather than a bonus is not something a dad should do, is it?I should add that although DS is only 2.5, bedtime does not come into it as he never goes before 9, which exP knows.

DS won't know the difference if I don't give him the card, but I want to not give it as a sign of how cross he has made me today by offloading DS at the first opportunity. I asked him what was so important he'd rather do than have an extra hour with his son but got a blank look and no response. Do I give the card, or not?

JudysJudgement Sat 18-Jun-11 18:44:01

you are being unreasonable and using your kid as a pawn in your petty squabbles

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sat 18-Jun-11 18:47:05

Personally I wouldnt, but, to be slightly nice and given the circumstances I would get my DC to scribble on a piece of paper and give that as his fathers day card.

PaisleyLeaf Sat 18-Jun-11 18:47:31

As JJ says.

And your DS needs top go to bed earlier.

ConnorTraceptive Sat 18-Jun-11 18:47:34

I'm a big believer in picking your battles and I really don't think this one is worth having.

He's been an arse in the past BUT you say things are improving so is it really worth setting things back over this? Also only do it if you are more than happy not to receive a Mother's Day card for the next 18 years!

PaisleyLeaf Sat 18-Jun-11 18:48:06

As JJ says.

And your DS needs to go to bed earlier.

PaisleyLeaf Sat 18-Jun-11 18:48:28


justpaddling Sat 18-Jun-11 18:48:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgimama Sat 18-Jun-11 18:48:35

The card isn't from you, it's from your son. YABU.

Georgimama Sat 18-Jun-11 18:49:15

I agree with Paisley about bedtime too.

drivemecrazy63 Sat 18-Jun-11 18:51:03

i would get yr dc to draw a picture and put kisses on as at that age thats what i used to do for my dh and the usuall brekkie in bed but as you cant obviously do that just the picture should suffice

Larold Sat 18-Jun-11 18:52:58

You're right he should be happy to spend as much time as poss with his ds. However he is used to being a dad in time slots so probably doesn't see a problem with bringing him back an hour early as this is the normal time.

Try not to be offended I think this is typical behaviour for part time dads and you have lots of years ahead to cope with.

I would give him the card and rise above it!

Good luck

strandedbear Sat 18-Jun-11 18:53:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 18-Jun-11 18:53:44

I don't see why you are annoyed. They were obviously at an event which your ex thought was going to finish late and he was polite enough to clear it with you before staying. The event finished early, so he is reverting to the original agreement, probably thinking that you will be pleased with that, as it is your usual arrangement and he had sprung a change on you at the last minute.

Given that his behaviour to DS has improved and he was nice enough to get you a card, I think you are being a bit mean.

I take it he is paying child support. If not, then it's time to get that sorted.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 18-Jun-11 18:56:25

As I was typing, I thought that by the time I press send, someone will be criticising the time that child goes to bed! The OP didn't ask what time he should be in bed and if she is happy with him being up until 9 and the child is getting enough sleep, then I can't see it's a problem.

CarryingTheCanAgain Sat 18-Jun-11 18:56:53

Don't be ridiculous! He got a card for you like a civil, reasonable, mature adult does. Stop being petty!

ZillionChocolate Sat 18-Jun-11 18:57:07

You could have replied and said that it wasn't convenient and he shouldn't come back until 7.

L8rAllig8r Sat 18-Jun-11 19:05:33

I could have said it wasn't convenient, but I thought that would be petty as it wasn't inconvenient, I was in and it made no difference to me. I'm not annoyed that I've got DS for an extra hour, I'm annoyed that he didn't WANT the extra hour.

And it's none of your business what time my DS goes to bed! It suits his routine and works for us both, so I couldn't give a shit what you think about that.

I take on board though that the card is meant to be fro
DS, not me. If he was a bit older and understood fathers day I wouldn't hesitate to give DS the card, it's just with DS being so young it's painfully obvious that the card is from me, and I wanted him to know that I'm not happy! But I do see the point.

wish I hadn't bought such a nice one though

PeterSpanswick Sat 18-Jun-11 19:22:53

Send him the card, it's from your ds after all! If you're not happy with his behaviour then speak to him about it as a separate issue or the resentment will eat you up and you'll find yourself getting petty over things just like this!

If it's any consolation I spent ages choosing the perfect card for DH from DS and he has just told me he hopes I haven't bothered getting him one as they're a waste of money and "men don't care about cards anyway." The cheek!

worraliberty Sat 18-Jun-11 19:27:45

For goodness sake what a fuss over nothing!

Maybe your DS was fussing for you and it wasn't worth keeping him the extra hour especially if you didn't mind.

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